AvPD is Ruining me:(

From about the age of five i knew that something was wrong, i knew that something about me was not normal. When i started going to school at the age of five i couldnt ask the teacher if i could go to the toilet so i peed in my pants, its a very painful memory to think about, very embarrasing because no one could understand why i couldnt just put my hand up and ask, and frankly, neither could i. I went through the rest of my school years just getting by on a string with minimal friends and not the best social life or status. I didnt do well at school and passed matric by the skin of my teeth, not because i wasnt capable but because it just didnt matter enough to me at the time. Now that i think back i realy wish i could go back and change things. When id finished school i battled to get a job because i was scared to talk to people, and i tried to tell my parents that and they saw it as an excuse not to work and called me lazy. I tried to make them understand and to get help for me but they kept saying the same thing about the laziness. I finaly managed to get a job as a barlady through someone i know and stuck it out for two years before finaly having a nervous breakdown and leaving my job because i could not cope. Ive been in and out of jobs since then because im too shy and cannot handle and cope with problems at the work place. I finaly had the guts to go and see a psychologist.. i went for about three sessions and could not afford it anymore so i stopped. I actualy still did not know what was wrong with me until i started to google my symtoms and finaly came up with what was wrong with me all of these years. AvPD, or in lamens terms avoidant personality disorder, i cant even stand in a line at the shop without going blood red and having a panick attack. I have trouble communicating with people, even family, and do not know how to deal with this. Whenever i try to tell someon about it they tell me its all in my head and im just being silly. The doc put me on lexamil and its just not helping me, im 32 years old and dont know what to do anymore

I know this story all too well. The thing is, it is VERY hard to find the right professional to help you through. I think it would take a lot of time and persistance and I don't think doctors and therapists have the time for that with dealing with other patients. I was at the point where I couldn't go to the store by myself, but, in the black community, people don't know much about mental disorders and just deem you "crazy" so I had to force myself to sit through uncomfortable situations and live through every attack I had sitting in front of people. It was traumatic, but it definitely helped. I can do plenty on my own now, I just still don't appreciate dealing with human beings. They make me feel inferior when I shouldn't.

Anywho, we are very accepting and welcoming here. If nothing else, I hope you find some peace knowing you aren't alone in this battle.

This sounds like me as a child. Selective mutism. Couldn't speak or stand up for myself.

Have you looked at your diet carefully? I believe the wrong diet deprives the body of nutrients leading to anxiety conditions. My problems subsided as my diet improved by removing anything chemical and processed and not natural. Even if it doesn't work you'll be healthier this way. Also try adding things like vitamins, fish oil, etc. It's cheaper than psychologists and meds. But if you do go with meds try buspirone hcl (Buspar). It really worked well for me for awhile.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to keep trying new things until you find the solution. YOu will get there!

This is not a diet related condition, I've had AVPD since I was born.

I can relate to some extent. I have Asperger's Syndrome which means you ar enot only shy but also uactually unable to interact normally. So it's different from what you have, but I can relate to your childhood experiences. I took was unable to speak a lot of hte time until I was in my early twenties in fact. It was not a language problem, but anxiety. I am sorry your parents called you lazy. Theyd id the same with em, said I was seekign excuses to be different. I hope you can somehow find a therapist who can treat your AvPD. You might also benefit from meds, like an antidepressant, althogh the key is therapy.

Thank you for the reply its always uplifting to Know that others do care