How I coped today...

Today was transitional in the scheme of things in my life.

I start a new job on march 11th. This is a good thing that I'm looking forward to bc it is a "safe" job. It's easy and I don't have to try very hard to do a good job. No lives are in immediate danger if I screw up.

I am leaving a job that I should love in theory, and I sort of do, but I also hate it bc I'm terrified of it and it makes me constantly sick literally at my stomach with anxiety.

Getting the new job was like a huge load lifted off my shoulders. I can't begin to explain the "I can breathe now" feeling I got. Only I wish I could start sooner. Like now. I thought I could tough out one more month of this job, but I guess I decided today that I couldn't.

So here's what I did. I lied to the hubby about having a doctor appointment today that I had forgotten about. I did this first to avoid going to work today. Then I told hubby today when he got home that the doctor had discussed with me that it would be smart to take a break between the two jobs to give my body some rest from the anxiety and vomiting. That way I'll be good to go when time comes to start the new job. I do have a cyclical vomiting disorder that is exacerbated by stress, so this really is a good idea. It is just that the story is a lie.
Well hubby said that he understood and agreed that it was a good idea and that he was fine with it. So now I'm in this wonderful stress free mood bc I have absolutely no intention of returning to the old job now. It is amazing to me the difference that can make me feel to have that stress taken away. I feel almost normal. Although I don't think I know what normal is. I just feel like I am breathing without some anxiety attached to it.
It shames me that a lie makes me feel so good. But it is what it is. I totally avoided today and it totally did exactly what I wanted it to do. I think I made my life situation better with this today.
I just wish I didn't lie. But then again, I have a hard time caring bc I feel so much better. I only care bc my husband would be hurt that I felt I HAD to lie to him. I really don't HAVE to, it's just that I don't want him to hate me for being so selfish and wanting to quit the job today when we need money...

Is this something any of you can relate to?

Doc

The lie was just what the la doctora ordered

And, don't worry your secret is safe with us.

Thanks Snap. It's nice to know I can confide here.
Haha, Damn right I needed it