This is me.

I realize that there isn't a HUGE community of people that consider themselves to have APD, which either makes me special or unlucky in that there might now be the knowledge and resources out there to fully address my issue as perhaps there would be with something like depression or PTSD. However, I am fully convinced that this is the root cause of everything that I feel in my life and all other issues that I deal with on a daily basis stem from these feelings. Feelings of social awkwardness, inferiority, jealousy, insecurity and low self-esteem all contribute to my general depression as well as feeding off each other and reinforcing each other every day of my life. While it is true that I have not been "officially" diagnosed by a professional, everything that I have read and studied about this "disorder" fits me to a tee. I am going to see a therapist for the first time in my life near the end of March and for me this is a huge step. There is nothing harder for me than to open up to someone, let alone a complete stranger, but I've come to this point in my life where this part of me has sucked up so much of a life that is supposed to be enjoyable but one in which I have always sat and stared from the sidelines. I don't know if it is something that I can overcome or "cure", but I really don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be "normal" even though I know that people will tell me over and over that "normal" is overrated. I don't mean normal in that I want to be a clone of everyone else, it's just that I want to be able to act and feel and live my life the way that I feel a person is meant to without the crushing yoke of petty jealousies and insecurities about everything in their life. It is very hard to explain to someone that doesn't suffer from this every day how it actually feels inside. Being so self-conscious and self-critical of yourself in EVERY situation, even when you're NOT around other people. It is not a fun way to live and I wish I hadn't waited so many years before getting help. If anyone feels the same way, I on the one hand am comforted to know that there are others out there, but at the same time I feel sorry that ANYONE has to feel the way that we do.

Well said. I can very much relate to this. I don't know if I have the full disorder, but I'm pretty certain I at least have many traits of it.

Well, like I said, I don't really know for certain if I have it either as I have never been formally diagnosed, but knowing what I DO about it, all the pieces seems to fit. Still, it's comforting to know that there are other people out there that at least feel the same way sometimes. Thank you for your comment.

Have you considered being diagnosed?

I know that is easy said than done, but having support from from someone who understands mental illness does give you relief.

Trying to tell "friends" won't happen and you will try to convince them of the severity... and if you feel they don't understand on come the afterthoughts.

A pysch deals with different issues including personality disorders- sure they might not be AvPD, But he/she does understands the torment.
You do need someone to understand and support and you will be lifted enough to try and have a fall back.

Adrift is hard to make a start when you you walk in your own mind- Having someone who is trained will coach you and having that person will make you want to try for them.

I couldn't make a start own my own, all I did was talk about the unknown.
Diagnoses gave me a start pointing plus life support.

Wish you well
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Congratulations on taking that first step! Remember Will Rogers said, there are no strangers, only friends I haven't met yet.

Well Snap, I understand what you mean about trying to wait for an official diagnosis. I know that I have to try to wait and see what a professional says about what is going on in my head, but for now, it's what I'm convinced is wrong with me. I actually DO have an appointment coming up at the end of March to see a therapist, so hopefully that will get me on some kind of a right track.

I hope that it starts to help.

Thank you for your comment.

Mate, it's a rollercoaster ride to who you are and what makes you tick.

I find Avoidance amazing, we're quite and harmless people so AvPD doesn't have the worlds attention, so when you sit down with your pysch and eventually open up you'll start to see that there is two sides to Avie.

Plus, for the psych to meet someone with AvPD seems to be quite exciting and challenging.

Warm regards.
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Welcome friend, find your comfort here...

You and I have something in common there. I have seen a pshyc and counselor for the past several years, but I have just figured out that this is the problem. I haven't been able to see them since then so we haven't talked about it. Usually anxiety and bipolar topics are the ones I tackle. I haven't been seen by my psych and counselor for a few months now because of lack of insurance and lack of job. Both are thankfully temporary and I will get my insurance and get to go talk to my peeps again and bring up this whole Avoidant thing. I'm sure they will be very impressed, lol.

It was so hard for me, but then I realized that they CAN'T betray your trust and it became a little easier. I actually feel safe talking to her. It's like my way to tell someone my dirty little secret but they can't and don't judge at all. You don't have to see them again in your life except to talk. There are no consequences, except for the good ones that come from therapy.

Snap, this is an interesting comment to me. Are we really so rare, or is it that we don't figure it out and admit/talk about it very often?
Being a doctor also, I appreciate when I get to see something rare, so that makes me smile that I could give them that feeling from seeing me.

Adriftinlife,

Your initial post is very inspirational and is exactly what I needed to give myself a boost, thanks. What's the point in moping about ourselves when we can cherish life and be happy (as cheesy as that sounds)?????????

Thanks.

The stats show between 1 to 2.5% of the total population both male & female with Avoidance.

I hadn't even heard of AvPD before I was diagnosed.

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