Could this be AvPD?

I have a lot of trouble when dealing with people.

Recently I discovered that I am being laid off from my job, and I’ve been procrastinating trying to find a new one. It’s not because I don’t want to work, but I fear that I will not do very well in my next job. My father has been trying to get me into his department, and I go along with it like I am excited, but honestly I am so afraid of failing or doing something wrong if I do get in.

I have a girlfriend whom I’ve been with for a little over a year, and things are going great, except when we have talks. Whenever she tries to give me constructive criticism, I take it personally and I feel very hurt. I try not to let it get to me, but I feel like a bad person, even though she is very gentle during the talks and doesn’t try to put me down. I also tend to be very closed off and almost expect her to read my mind to figure out what’s bothering me. She’s made it very clear that if I don’t start opening up, she will have to leave.

I’ve never had very many friends, and whenever the friends that I do have try to ask me to do things, I seem to make up excuses as to why I can’t. I’ve been invited to parties and outings with my co-workers, but I decline in the same fashion that I do with my friends. I’m always afraid that they won’t like me and I feel like I am uninteresting, even though I’ve been told otherwise. Most of the friends I do have are here on PsychCentral, and I feel safe here because I don't have to see anyone, and the people are nice and accept me just the way I am.

In high school, my parents urged me to join after-school clubs. I kept telling them that I didn’t have the time, or I had a lot of homework, or even that I had no way of getting home. I tried to avoid the subject in hopes that they’d forget, but they didn’t and wound up making me join anyway.

I don’t know what to do. When I was about 10 years old, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder, but I don't think that's what it is anymore. I am afraid to talk to him about it because I think he might think I'm exaggerating, even though I'm not.

((( Ebatts ))) I can relate to this very well. I think if you strongly suspect you have this disorder, you owe it to yourself to bring this up in therapy. You might have formed an incorrect conclusion, but why refuse to share your own observations with a trained person who is supposed to be there to help you? I go through this same thing too, "I have it, no I don't, I don't want to risk looking stupid...". In psychological terms, that IS avoidance.

((((On)))) I planned on printing this out and showing it to my psychiatrist. There is some more I need to add to it though. I forgot a few things.

G'day Ebatts,

Answers are important and sure you may not be-able to answer your girlfriends questions as you don't no what that invisable force is that controls your actions.

If your girlfriend wants to listen.. let her in with what you know, even if is how you feel rather than why you feel.

The only way to find yourself is to find your answers- your psych is there as a professional friend with a balanced view- even if you disagree with her/him its balanced

Your pysch wants you to succeed but it's up to you to find who your are.
You do the work and the pysch will help you with your journey.
Too many people rely on the psych with a magic solution and wonder why their not getting anywhere.

Not sure if you do a journal, but this is a good start, just date it add your thoughts and any observations (observations-your actions in situations)- you don't have to write in it every day.
I have one starting from 2009 and what a journey from disaster to discovery.

Answers and words made you and now they can save you (ooo that's good... sounds like a T shirt in the making)

Anyway, It's a life time of work but finding out who you are and what makes you tick is exciting with lots of arrrhhaar moments finally understanding "why and where the thoughts initially come from"- so capture the moment with your journal and work hard, bounce thoughts of your pysch or even bring in your journal in each time to your pysch.

Snap