Why don't we seek help?

Why don't people with AvPD or Depression seek help?

this has nothing to do with your question, but your sig is one of my all time favorite songs...

How does it not have anything to do with my question?

I think it is different for everyone; but here is my story:
I grew up in an alcoholic home--both parents (they were addicts,too).
I was raised mostly by my mom--and she didn't give a rip about me, she just wanted me out of her face 'cuz she wanted her booze. My dad was the type that could not handle any one crying or needing anything--especially girls. We were "weak" if we cried, so I was pretty much on my own for a long time and didn't know what to do or what was wrong with me. Plus, during the '60's and '70's, people still didn't know a lot about this kind of stuff, so you just had to buck up or be locked up, with still no help.
Then I moved in with my sister and her husband at 16, and they were dead set against doctors. They believed that if I was in their sight 24/7 (except when I was in school), and if I stayed up all night reading the Bible, ate health food, and smoked enough pot, that I would be magically cured (we did eventually quit the pot, tho). After we quit the pot, I still was expected to read my Bible all the time, and then we started practically living at church. They could not understand why I wasn't magically cured, so they decided I was "living in secret sin," that I "broke my covenant with God," that I was rebellious, and/or hiding something from them, etc.
I spent the next several years thinking that my problem was that I was just not right with God, and if I could just find the right "formula" to make me a righteous Christian, I would be allright--but I could never find that right formula. Needless to say, I kept giving up and self-medicating by drinking and other things. Eventually, I did try to get some help, but then I decided that the mental health system was fake and went right back to just trying to a "be a better Christian," but I could not ever seem to get it right because my mental illness would just take over.
Basically, with me, in a nutshell, is I didn't feel like I was worth the doctor's time, and I thought it was just that I was a lousy Christian and God was unhappy with me.

(1) Because we don't think we are worth it
(2) Because it would mean opening up about all sorts of things we might be negatively judged for
(3) Because we fear someone would try to change us and we might lose that authentic Self that's struggling to make itself known

I could come up with more, but it's late.

i don't know if i have avpd (or whatever the acronym is, i'm still new to this) and i'm very reluctant to assume things. i do know i have depression but a lot of people get the idea that depression is some teen angst problem and that it will go away. if i told my parents they would probably say that i "don't know what it's like to have real problems" or some crap like that. since i grew up with that sort of mentality blocking me from ever letting anyone know anything about me, that my problems aren't worth anyone else's time...that's why i'm scared to bother telling people.

even on here it's hard. you're probably at least a hundred miles away, probably way more than that, and i'm shaking and freaking out and wondering if i should really reply to this.

In my case it's because no help is available, and I can't afford it anyway. A lot of people probably have that problem.

I agree with Onwards2wards, particularly the fear of being judged. I think it comes down to the sensation of embarrassment, which is a strong emotion. Even parents use it to discipline children these days. The average person will avoid behavior that will result in embarrassment. Although a therapist, psychologist, (what have you) is there to help you, we realize they are human, too. People suffering with avoidant personality disorder are most likely insecure in some respect and highly sensitive to rejection. Rejection comes in the form of judgement.

I seek help every time I find the threat gets bad enough because i have two sons depending on me. One of them will be leaving home soon and when they leave, my purpose for existing might go with them. This will be a big challenge for me. When I felt really bad, I did not want to abandon them, so I sought help. I knew somebody depended on me. Now, I am not so sure. Seeking help signifies we have a reason beyond ourselves to be stronger and find answers. I have to find another reason, beyond myself for continuing to exist.

I don't know about anyone but myself, but I have an innate distrust for people. I've also had many bad experiences with psychiatrists and psychologists that have helped to shape my distrust, in addition to all of my negative social interactions throughout my life.

"Because we fear someone would try to change us and we might lose that authentic Self that's struggling to make itself known" This statement also rings especially true for me, and I just can't make anyone aware of how or why I feel this way, which just further discourages me.

I've recently admitted myself to the hospital and been referred to a free mental health clinic (I am uninsured currently), and even been taking my medication, and will continue to do so for at least a month to see if there is a benefit. I've also been approved for 8 therapy sessions, so we will see if I am able to open myself up enough to gain anything from my sessions.

It's all a matter of facing my fears of the medical community and addressing the deep seeded negative thought patterns that have taken over my life, and it varies for everyone. You have to recognize that you are in fact worthy of feeling good, and accept and face the challenges that you must overcome to be more content.

For me its about:
1. Money-but what isn't?
2. Embarrassment/shame-I should be able to fix myself if I just had more courage, more self discipline, if i could just stop being different.
3. Confusion-the one or two times I tried, briefly, I felt like the Therapist felt there was nothing wrong with me, that I was wasting their time, that they were just humoring me by seeing me and wanted me to go away. There was no attempt to diagnose, no plan on how to help, just me talking with little to no input from therapist.
4. Cynical-what good is talking about my problems going to do?
5. Fear-even if I found someone to help, in order to change I need to put myself out there, to do the things I fear, I don't think I can. Its soo hard and really doesn't seem to get easier. And, if I put myself out there will it really change anything?
6. Not worthy/hopeless-I am still who I am so people will probably still not like me no matter what.

I don't know how to talk about myself.

I don't see what difference it would make.

Maybe we have but we didn't get what we wanted. Maybe we tried again and still we did not get what we wanted. And maybe one day we got discouraged

I never got help until my problems got to a point where they were affecting my family members' quality of life. If it were solely me, I wouldn't have gotten help because I truly feel that I do not deserve it and that I'm too far gone and too deep in my troubles. I'm actually hoping to quit therapy.

Simple but great answers. The 3rd one is something that is not brought up into discussions that much ,specially compared whit the first two, but it resonates whit me. At my best, I consider myself an interesting person so I don't want to become someone who is "normal" just like everybody else. I want to believe that is possible to feel both authentic and liked by others, as for now, is hard for me to believe anybody likes and I neither feel as authentic as I would like. I won't trade the least bit of authenticity for happiness tough.

It also makes allot of sense that I don't want to give up to one of the few things that positively contribute to my feeling of self-worth.

so true,
and the unfortunate thing about it is, these fears are so strong, they prevent one from seeking help even after knowing what your own reasons are for not doing so...

mustering up the courage to get online help, from proper counsellors, anonymous, may be a start