[grey_]

i have just joined here a few days ago...
i needed to jot down a few things here today...

here are a few things i keep telling myself to help overcome my fears... please reply and let me know if any of this is the right track to be on...

First, and foremost is, i believe to overcome any issue you have to be totally convinced, that all these issues that you are struggling with, can be dealt with. And you can deal with them. Learn to deal with them. If you fail to believe that, then there is nothing more you can do. We all are born as humans. And every human has certain rights of his or her own.

And the good new is, out of all these rights, there is one which no one can take away from you. you’re power over your own mind. It is every person’s duty to use that right to the fullest potential. But the only way to exercise that right, is by first recognizing it.

We are influenced by a whole lot. Not only things we touch, feel, see, hear, listen to, look at, taste, but even things we don’t. our parents, our schooling, our childhood, the environment we grew up in, our basic genetic make up, the weather changes we faced, the news we read, the media, different kinds of people we read about, interact with, relationships of all sorts, our own analysis, analysis of others in the world, those who were, and are, the forces and energies of this universe, the cosmos, spirituality, religion, knowledge, education… everything we know and don’t know influences us…
And we all develop our individuality, personality, characteristics, nuances, behaviours, issues, problems etc depending on how our mind reacts to it all…

It is next to impossible to keep a track of how when where why which influences our mind, it all is happening at the same time, even while I’m writing this…

Our mind will respond to all these things in varied mannerisms, most of them protecting us from all the negative influences it faced in the past, learning, moulding accordingly… and almost all of it starts subconsciously… and we let our subconscious train us into becoming this defensive, protective being, which may hold back, remain in a shell, not taking any risk that may cause all those feelings to come rushing back… I believe a part of the brain called the amygdala does that…
This I write, as it applies to me… I was bullied, rejected, continuously throughout my childhood and part of adolescence… I am now 25 years old, and I have realized all of that to cause all my problems…

And that is where our right of power over our own mind comes to play…
to recognize that in spite of all the past events that have already formed us and made us into who we are now, we still can improve and change a whole lot all because we are the sole persons responsible for how we allow our mind to react...

My conscious and subconscious fight and struggle regularly, my conscious trying to keep reading and discovering minute details of my subconscious, so I can analyze, understand my self-defeating behaviour, my low self esteem, my avoiding every situation remotely possible of having social interaction etc…
And here is when I discover what I have been actually doing… I analyze it, and try to understand the folly behind it… I have to believe no matter what the universe has been throwing at me, my mind at present is in my control, I can modify it for the better…
Once I know that, I try to think of, read, talk etc ways of combating these deteriorating traits, one at a time… repeatedly telling it what is to be actually done, what I am doing, and what I should, making up my mind to do so at the next trigger, make a clear note of it in mind, which I must remind myself at the appearance of the next trigger….
Example “I can have my own opinions, they make sense to me… after all who really hold the power to decide if it is really right or wrong? I can’t deprive myself from suggesting it just because of the fear of criticism and being laughed upon”

Next come challenging your mind, once I have made sure the whole thought has sunk in, and be ready to use it at the slightest hint of the next trigger… what’s important is, that you must believe it’ll work… it will most of the time feel just dreadful after the first attempt, sometimes better, but here’s where you have to remind yourself to again be patient…
Remind yourself of the 4 things you have to have: patience, tolerance, persistence, and perseverance…

It’s very important to pat yourself on the back once you do it, regardless of the result so far…
Try recognize each self-defeating thought, behaviour, negativities, anything pulling you or keeping you down… once you do, with every such moment, try to combat it…

in short,
-Deliberately, consciously working on your issues
-If you have been advised or have found a positive thought to a negative one, make sure you have the positive combats ready at the edge of your mind (even if you don’t believe them ), ready to be thought consciously at the slightest hint of a self-defeating/negative thought, overthrowing it
-Using these combats regularly, with patience even if you find no improvement at first (it can take really long, and is not a cakewalk, but works)
-Allow yourself the freedom to praise yourself for every time you do it, and every little thing
-Once you find improvement somewhere, hold it as a first obstacle crossed, so you are reminded every time you feel low, that you can do it
-Understanding that what others think or how they react cannot be controlled by you, just as they do not have control over your mind and behaviour, only you can, so use that to modify and control your thoughts and actions in a positive way, no matter how they try to influence you, and how your mind has gotten habituated to get twisted in such situations; it’s now in your power to straighten it all, and improve it all, change it all for the better.

I have worked hard for all these years, and at present am really confused if this is in fact the right thing i am doing... i keep doing a lot of research, and some of it has helped me, but i need assurance right now... and any other suggestions are welcome...

[DePressMe]

Wow Grey--amazing writing. It sounds like you have done a lot of work researching and applying the information you have learned...I truly appreciate your post and it helped me to read it....D.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing!