Was I emotionally neglected as a child?

Myself and my family:
I love my family. They're great. I had structure, religion, mental, and physical nourishment. They never hit me and bad words were not tolerated in the house. I'm the middle child. I'm an overachiever. And I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. My anxieties about myself and the world around me have led to a cartload of problems from self-harm to near suicide. But no one gets why because I have the perfect life and the perfect family.

Crying/sickness/injury:
I don't remember much holding or nurturing. I was expected to contain my anger and control it. If I cried, I was ignored or made to stop by being told other people had bigger problems to cry about.
If I was injured, my mom wouldn't treat the wound. I was expected to get down the first-aid box, clean and bandage it myself. When I was sick, I was "quarantined" in my bedroom so as not to get anyone else sick. My mom or dad would stick their head in every now and then and get me gatorade or crackers, but I wasn't to be touched.

Nightmares:
I had nightmares frequently when I was about 6-7 years old. The first few times, my parents listened to it and then sent me back to bed. After a while they decided I was making it up to get attention so they ordered me to stay in my bed all night--nightmares or no. Most of the nightmares I didn't remember. Most of them I simply woke up terrified. I also have this phobia of getting out of bed at night because I always imagine huge hairy dogs trotting after me in the shadows. I've even heard them panting and their toenails clicking on the floor.

Hugging:
We're not a touchy family. I don't think my parents have ever kissed me. They only hugged if I initiated it, which was rare, even if I needed one. They never say "I love you" unless I ask them to or if I say it first.

Loneliness:
When I was 4 years old, I had an imaginary friend. Now I'm 20 years old and I have 5 imaginary friends. I'm terrified of relationships with people but I constantly crave human contact and acknowledgement. I even have trouble sleeping because I want someone to be near to that isn't made up. I want to be comforted, but I'm so afraid of appearing shameful.

On that note, I function pretty well in society. I'm not "shy" and I can act confidence if I need to, even if I'm screaming in terror inside. I have an ideal life on the outside. Inside, I'm a ravaged mess.

I would say you were emotionally neglected as a child. All children need touch, and comfort in their time of need. You did not get this. It's no wonder you crave human touch. I would suggest counseling to help you get past some of these feeling so you want be such a "mess" on the inside. Good luck to you.

Yes, what you describe definitely sounds like emotional neglect to me, and I am sorry you had to go through that. I agree with Gayle that perhaps counseling is in order to help deal with this and please post here anytime you need support, or to vent. God bless.

I also grew up in a semi-perfect family and had "good" parents that were really "good" to me. They always took care of me, never hurt me, and told me they loved me but were always pretty cold and distant. I think your parents may have had no ill intentions, but they just were not capable of giving you the warmth that a child needs. It's really ****** and it's no way for a child to be raised, even if they supply you with nice cloths and send you to a good school and feed you healthy food, etc.

I think having cold parents (especially primary caregiver) can have bad mental health results. I just left Thanksgiving dinner and hugged my mom goodbye. I know she loves me the best way she knows how. I'm still a ****ing emotional wreck in the end but I know she did her best, even if it wasn't good enough...

I'm not trying to pretend like your situation was just like mine and maybe my experience doesn't apply here, but I hope it was helpful.

I can't remember many hugs. But I can't remember not receiving many hugs either. While I'm close to my parents, I don't think I'm physically close if that makes sense and hugs with them feel weird. I think I'm pretty normal but inside I'm a ravaged mess!

On the other hand, I have two daughters (who don't live with me) who are 5 and 2, I hug them as much as I can and I absolutely love it. I think they love it too. Best feeling in the world.

Decent book about this that may interest you:
Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb