Describes me..

Never heard of this disorder....kinda felt alone in this warped thinking.
My logical side...tells me no one should feel how I do. Yet...it he acceptable for me do be so shy, scared, alone and unwilling to branch out in every way...

I have been separated for 5 months...and getting divorced and I am scared to even casually date with nothing sexual. Can't even go to the movies...feel everyone other than me is worthy of happiness.

I always have hated being told im beautiful or pretty. Because I know it's not true, makes the person who said it a liar.

I am in a dv shelter with my kids right now. No family or friends in the entire state of Missouri. So im alone as could be...and I pass up every opportunity for friendship out of fear of rejection..or that nice they know me they won't like me.

Ugh

Live Love Learn

I know life has a way of beating the dignity out of us sometimes, and we feel worthless and unworthy. Then we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, straighten a few things up, put one foot in front of the other & keep moving. Hardly anything takes the wind out of a person's sails like divorce. Living in a shelter doesn't help self esteem either. Well I've never been in a shelter but I know divorce.

But you're not alone - you have your kids. Might possibly be a time to look inward & draw as close to them as you can. They need you. And don't worry about being "gun" shy (as in "once shot, twice shy") you'll get more self assurance as you move along the dusty trail. Eventually you'll see that none of us are entitled to happiness, you just have to grab it along life's way. If you do that, you'll get your share.

I do hope that things are getting somewhat better for you! And I also hope that you will be/are able to begin seeing yourself as the "beautiful" "pretty" person who others tell you that you are - not everyone is this ol' world is a liar, I promise.

As difficult as it is to believe, not everyone is out to get us. I know it's hard. (And this is coming from someone who has to 'nerve herself up' to even get out of her truck to go into the teeny tiny rural post office a few times a week in case people are in there....!!) But, no matter what has happened to you in life, no matter how badly you have been treated - you have to remember that NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT. Yes, that is far, far, far easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I know.

Hurt, pain, angst, anger, fear... all of it is so powerful. And it has such a hold over our lives. I wish it didn't, but it does. But that's why we're here. That's why we need to help each other with this. And I want to tell you to try your best not to shut yourself off any more than you have to, especially for your sweet children. They need their Mama! And they need a strong Mama, especially right now, in the midst of the turmoil of a divorce. (I'm so sorry you're going thru that now too, hon, truly I am.)

Just know that there are lots of others out there just like you who are struggling, searching and trying to survive. You are definitely not alone.

Keep on keeping on. Bless you & your babies! I hope all is going well for you.