Feeling out of control

For a long time I've been having extreme anxiety when it comes to just getting one persons attention. Like, I'm feeling so much of a rush of panic, I can't even get up in the morning to walk out and go to the basement without feeling I can't get past my grandmother without her making social confrontation. Every morning I wake up and getting ready I fear what to do with just stepping out of my room because I know my grandma will likely talk to me and it scares me because I can't get the thoughts she's going to talk behind my back about me our judge me and find ways to keep manipulating me.

After I get to the basement that, where I'll stay until I might get called up to dinner and I start getting anxiety then because I feel like I'm going to get stared at or afterwards, told to do work she knows I don't like to do.

I just keep thinking the worst and am having a hard time believing if I should even belong there. I feel so lost and hopeless that I'll never be able to cope with the fear of society again.

Does your grandmother mistreat you? Can you tell us some about why you live with her?

Yes, she manipulates me and other family members as well as acting two faced, like treating or 'acting' nice, when she's really going to talk about the person behind their back and spread lie's because she feels so much more superior than anyone.

As for why I'm stay with her is because my parents kicked me out of their house and I was forced to live on the streets or with another family member. So I had no choice but to be brought in by my grandma. At first she was ok but now I'm like a slave, as I'd put it, to doing everything for her and not getting a bit of credit, appreciation, having fare living arrangement with her. There's nowhere I can go, so I'm pretty much trapped here.

I'm guessing here... so take my opinion just as that, my opinion. It's obvious that you are very uncomfortable and I can relate to that! You are apparently still a teenager or early 20's? Your grandmother doesn't know how to help you, and she's surely trying to figure out a way to motivate you into finding your path in life. Is there any organization you would consider trying just to 'throw her a bone' that you're making an effort, as well as doing it for yourself? Nothing on earth is as gratifying when you're starting out as becoming self sufficient! Of course that doesn't include living on the street, I've heard of something called JOB Corp? **I think that's the name** or even signing up to get your GED if you haven't finished HS. Have you tried to talk honestly with your grandma and explain to her your difficulties? Us 'old ladies' sometimes live in the shroud of our own miserable upbringings and need a jolt of real world to see past our judgmental opinions! I really wish you well ~ I hope you find some venue to encourage you to create a future!

I can understand what youre going through. I havent ever felt this much panic or anxiety before while at home but I know what it feels like to be judged by family members or be questioned about the way that you feel. I used to be downstairs with everyone while watching Tv but everytime there would be a comment made or they would find some way to make me feel like rubbish and after a while it made me feel so bad I avoided being downstairs with them at all and just stayed in my room all day. This only made it worse because they had a reason to shout at me or make comments because I was isolating myself from everyone else and making it obvious to them that I wasnt around them but they would never take responsibility for the fact that if they hadnt of treated me that way, I wouldnt spend my time in my room all the time. Even when I tried to make an effort and make myself go downstairs with them, they would point that out and again make you feel stupid because they would let you become aware that youre hardly downstairs so thats why you dont know whats happening or "oh look who it is, youve finally come downstairs" rather than just being happy that I wanted to spend time with them. Forcing yourself to go up to them isnt easy, especially because youre expecting them to say something to you and the idea that you could be questioned about why youre down there or why youre not spending time with your family may be making you feel uneasy and worried and leading to you feeling anxious. I am not sure how close you are with other members of your family and from readin previous comments I can see that your grandma perhaps isnt the best person to speak with. but just someone who you could talk to, a close friend, a family member, teacher, just anyone you are able to verbally express everything to could in some way take off that little bit of worry and anxiety. It could even help you slowly start to spend more time with everyone, obviously only a little bit at a time, and eventually you may feel a little bit more comfortable being with everyone and maybe your grandma would stop with the looks and questions,
im not sure how helpful this is but i hope it does help because you dont deserve to feel like this and being stopped from being around everyone because of the way they make you feel x