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New Member
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 5
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Nov 10, 2014 at 06:09 PM
#1
My husband and I are currently living with my in-laws (husband's mom and step-dad). This in itself is not a problem. I love and get along with them both. The problem is that my husband's step-brother also lives with us, and he is a pathological liar, manipulator and troublemaker who has a big problem with authority. He takes this problem out on my mother-in-law, and manipulates his dad into thinking she's the bad guy. He is twenty-one, thinks he can get away with anything and acts like he's still seventeen. I was managing to stay out of the way of this for the most part, but now, my father-in-law is insisting we have this big family meeting so we can resolve this. I hate conflict of any sort. My hands are shaking and sweating right now jut thinking about it. This meeting is going to be nothing but one big argument, and none of it really concerns me because I'm the one who gets along with everyone. How do I get out of this thing without offending anyone? Any advice?
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 kaliope
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: somewhere, out there
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Nov 11, 2014 at 12:48 PM
#2
as you are part of the family, there really isn't any way out. perhaps you can reduce the conflict by keeping the meeting focused on the topic. when it starts getting off track, steer it back on topic. "we are here to discuss x" keep the focus on the problem, not the person. avoid making you statements. stay in the present, not the past. encourage the use of I statements. remember, conflict takes two, do not engage. if it gets out of hand, say so, and do not participate and dismiss yourself.
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 Angelique67
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New Member
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 5
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Nov 11, 2014 at 02:30 PM
#3
Thanks for the advice, Kali. I think it will help to have a plan ahead of time. I'm just usually too nervous in these type s of situations to come up with one. All my life, conflict in general, even if I wasn't directly involved, has made me want to run away and hide. Anyway, I think I'll try all that and see how it goes.
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Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: 1000 miles from nowhere.
Posts: 311
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Nov 16, 2014 at 04:34 AM
#4
I'd concentrate on yourself because he's not going to change.
Just keep yourself stable for hes going to walk in and out with lies and excuses and if you get sucked into this, trying to change his ways you're going to end up shattered. __________________ Diagnosed: AvPD. It’s never alright. It comes and it goes. It’s always around, even when it don’t show. They say it gets better. well I guess that it might. But even when it’s better, it’s never alright. |
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