I just found out that my characters are exact match to this disorder

Hi it's twofaces.

I previously had massive depression last year and had to see psychologist for one year. It did get better and now I'm in control of my mood better than before.

However, I kept struggling to communicate, keep in contact with others, be active, and was frequently confused in my work. I was always paranoid about relationships, and couldn't get rid of thoughts of 'that person surely hates me because last time I made this mistake....' But then it was just my assumption. No one actually hated me that badly just because of one event. Even then, I found it so hard to connect back to those people again. Then I avoid.

I also find it very hard to forget and move on. The mistakes I made 7 years ago still haunts me when I think about it. I remember almost every single details of them, and they just haunt me so much.

Majority of my day is also spent playing video games and doing meaningless things, and I feel guilty about not doing productive things. My self esteem of also very low, and people who knew me for some time in work often tells me that 'you know what you are doing inside your head, but when it actually comes to dealing with things, you are no longer yourself.'

I also always think about bad sides. I'm always anxious about my exam results, applications, and relationships. And when these linger around, I tend to close myself in my room to avoid these feelings. In the end, I have never failed a subject before, getting high scores in some assignments, and passing exams with satisfactory scores.

I have always wondered, why do I make myself suffer. I ran 2 half marathons and completed a marathon 2 months ago. The feeling of satisfaction went for day of so, but it came back in a form of self-flagellation. Whenever I'm not doing something well I always tell myself 'you've ran a marathon, you've passed everything, but you cannnot do this particular task? What's wrong with you?'

Now I know why from knowing that such personality disorder exists. I was so surprised that most of the characteristics featured in the disorder matches with what I'm going through.

I felt as you do! I had never heard of Avoidant Personality Disorder, and assumed all these unusual characteristics were just me being me. I still can't decide if it's better to know there's a reason for it all?

At any rate, this seems to be a wonderful place to get support and more information, welcome!

Wellcome, twofaces. I'm also new. I think you can find here some feedback and support. Well, this last, it's moré difficult but it could be possible.

First of all, I want to congrat for going to therapy and overcoming the depression. I know very well that overcoming a depression is not easy.
I also was in depression last year and well, in some way, that depression happened to me for a reason. I had some pending things to manage.
This is what a friend said to me and I know he was right.

I could be wrong but I see a trait of perfectionism in your post. I used to avoid things when I felt I couldn't accomplish a task with perfection. It's hard to change this thought pattern. I'm still struggling with it.
Self-acceptance is a way to start with.

I wish you luck!

Hey guys thank you for reply. I do think knowing about it is taking one step toward fixing it. I will see my psychologist to develop streams of thoughts about dealing with this issue. And as for perfectionism, you are very right. I do suffer from punishing myself inside my head due to small mistakes I have made, and accomplishing a task does not satisfy me. It is quite pathological actually