new girl

hi everyone, figured i would introduce myself....i am extreemly happy to find a forum where i can talk with others and get some help..or at least commiserate...

i have been this way most of my life and most of the time im ok with it...i jsut kind of accepted i was weird and decided to liek it...

for the most part im ok....but i do find myself lonely a lot....
but then i keep busy..i read a lot...i have a bacchelors degree...i do art and am into music and video games..i want to learn to play the cello......a job where im lucky to have a crazy boss lady who is very kind and so it helps....

i dont have the problem of being scared of crowds or peopel i dont know ( although sometiems crowd do freak me out)...

mostly i have the problem of being ok with strangers and once i get to know you...it freaks me out then i leave.....

divorced 3 times..i finally have a great husband who is really trying...so i realized i push him away and its causing problems..we are working on it....so i started researching...

i suffered abuse growing up that made me this way..so i can see how i am at war constantly with how i was going to be..as opposed to this now...where i am scared of peopel once i know them...ditch relationships once i get a little close to people..it cant go on....

and i want to be an actress.....alwasy have.....scared to death....but the idea of knowing how to act, what to say...where to stand...gives me a sense of peace...like i could totally be a great actress ( been doing it all my life) but doing interviews afterwards...or the idea of being famous..oh hell no..too much anxiety....

well thats a little about me...i am looking forward to reading all the posts here.....and then maybe getting some help for what im going through....

tahnks

does anyone else just find the act of introducing yourself or finding info online about these problems exhausting?