The thing that freaks you out the most...

A Red Panda · Jan 07, 2015 at 08:23 PM

So we all have our triggers and circumstances where we're going to be the most upset and worried.

I think there are two categories which I am thinking of, so I'll ask and be specific on both!

1) What about yourself or what circumstances make you the most worried about rejection/abandonment (with friends or relationships or both)

2) What circumstances make you feel the most awkward?

Man I am having trouble working that. Anyway, I'm going to answer and hopefully my answer will help explain the question!

1) When I'm in a dating relationship, I get the most worried about rejection with a few very specific intimate acts. Not all, just a few certain things. When it comes up, I tend to flip and spend a good long chunk of time worried about it.

2) I have a really hard time doing anything that would be "celebrating" me, like my birthday or any sort of award or recognition. I can't do it because I can't handle people watching me and I am convinced it's fake and that I'm wasting their time, etc etc.

bronzeowl · Jan 07, 2015 at 10:56 PM

Answering number one is really hard for me. I've avoided relationships and friendships so much, that I'm not sure what the real answer is. Well, actually, I have no interest in romantic relationships (not an avoidant thing, just asexual, so while I have dated in the past... it's not something I ever actively pursued), and I have avoided friendships in the past several years. Thinking about the few friends I do have, though, I'm more afraid of abandonment, and I worry most about it when I have to confront them for whatever reason. Such as voicing my opinion, or standing up for myself. I will do it, but I spend a while afterward worrying that they'll abandon me.

Number two... When I'm called on in a class or work setting. Even if I know the right answer, I feel incredibly awkward having all eyes on me. Just thinking about it makes me feel awkward, actually.

A Red Panda · Jan 08, 2015 at 08:32 AM

I hear you bronzeowl... those are both high up on my lists too. I have an incredibly hard time speaking up for myself! And hate hate hate the attention being on me, when it's ABOUT me!

AzulOscuro · Jan 08, 2015 at 06:23 PM

As a perfectionist, my main trigger for avoidance is when I have the feeling that I messed a situation up, or when people missunderstood my intentions.
For example if I say a sentence without any bad intention and people misunderstand me.
This makes me embarrassed and I feel like to going away.

Jan 09, 2015 at 02:16 AM

The most discomfort for me is interactions with the opposite sex- both platonic and romantic. I've never been on a date....avoid, avoid, avoid. I've had crushes and been crushed on but never simultaneously. I don't know where this intense shyness of guys came from. I've never been hurt or abused, I had a fairly healthy childhood. I don't have a lot of self confidence but I have a lot of self worth, if that makes sense. Just a misfit I guess.

A Red Panda · Jan 09, 2015 at 08:22 AM

Greenmoss - I understand the no self-confidence but having self-worth. Like... I think I SHOULD be worth some things, because I think everyone is worthwhile so why don't I count? And then there's the "....BUUUUTTT....." that comes running on out (I think even the beginning of that sentence has the "buutttt" going through my head!) where I'm not confident enough to try and assert being treated as worth-while.

I'm find with men as friends. But I think I turned off the anxiety of flirting by simply NOT noticing it! Which then turns out even more embarassing sometimes! :S

Azul - if I make a mistake, I avoid the place/person like the plague. I haven't even been able to go in to the phone shop to see if they can order in the case I want because I was in and out of there a LOT a month ago when sorting out a few things, and I decided I was in there WAY too much and must be the most annoying customer ever, and it's a small place so it's frequently the same workers... and... ugh. hahaha.

Snap66 · Jan 09, 2015 at 09:51 AM

Vulnerability is my kryptonite, which sets up, abandonment, self worth etc.

Oh and Red!
When i was seeing my psych i was banned from saying "but".... but, but is my favourite word:-)

AzulOscuro · Jan 09, 2015 at 10:05 AM

It's funny! As a perfectionist "but" it's my second name.
You can give me the compliment you want, I will say: yeah, but...

GreenMoss: i always found very difficult to deal with members of the oppossite sex. I don't know if this could be your case but in mine, a distant father who is suppoused to play the role for you to related in a good way with the outside and a Catholic moral and Education did their role.

Jan 09, 2015 at 08:45 PM

Azul and Red- I don't know how you do it....I avoid children because wherever that kid is at so is everyone's attention and I don't want to get caught in the crosshairs.

I definitely understand with the mistakes- I stopped going to a counselor I liked & had been with for 2 or 3 yrs because I overslept and missed the appointment and I was too ashamed to go back.

AzulOscuro · Jan 09, 2015 at 08:57 PM

I spent most of the time only with my kids. They are so nice that give me a lot of energy. When I'm out with them I'm so focuss on the kids that I forget about any other thing or person.

I have a hard time dealing with my kids' parents but I'm already used to it and whenever you treat their kids well, they are happy with the teacher.

Snap66 · Jan 10, 2015 at 01:24 AM

Expectation is another ignition.
My own expectations and of those who know me.

People who know me is a double edge sword simply bc they dont and just assume that I'm a normie, so their lists and demands would be simple and every day for a normal person... but I'm not normal so there are many barriers and walls that I have to try and get my head around first. And then of course my own expectations are very high bc I have OCP.

That level of expectation is raised if you complete their request and then im contacted again to perform something else for them.

ce est la vie

AzulOscuro · Jan 10, 2015 at 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snap66

Expectation is another ignition.
My own expectations and of those who know me.

People who know me is a double edge sword simply bc they dont and just assume that I'm a normie, so their lists and demands would be simple and every day for a normal person... but I'm not normal so there are many barriers and walls that I have to try and get my head around first. And then of course my own expectations are very high bc I have OCP.

That level of expectation is raised if you complete their request and then im contacted again to perform something else for them.

ce est la vie

That's the reason why I haven't got deeper or long lasting relations. I usually do it well on the first contacts, I can't do it better then so why try it. Better don't mess it up.

AzulOscuro · Jan 10, 2015 at 03:37 AM

I don't want to point to anyone but I have a father who always was very rigid with my brother and me. He never let us being children or behaving like children.
I want to mean, a child has to be able to be wrong, to make mistake, experiment on himself.

Said that, my brother didn't develop my issues. He is pretty normal. And better to have a rigid father than don't have him.

Snap66 · Jan 10, 2015 at 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I don't want to point to anyone but I have a father who always was very rigid with my brother and me. He never let us being children or behaving like children.
I want to mean, a child has to be able to be wrong, to make mistake, experiment on himself.

Said that, my brother didn't develop my issues. He is pretty normal. And better to have a rigid father than don't have him.

I believe my DNA and circumstances prevented anyone from reaching out to me and my destiny was different to others where I had to find my own path with the hope that i would rejoin family years later.

Jan 12, 2015 at 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I don't want to point to anyone but I have a father who always was very rigid with my brother and me. He never let us being children or behaving like children.
I want to mean, a child has to be able to be wrong, to make mistake, experiment on himself.

Said that, my brother didn't develop my issues. He is pretty normal. And better to have a rigid father than don't have him.

My mother was very shy and overprotective when I was a child I think this taught me to feel the world is a scary place and to be cautious.

Snap66 · Jan 13, 2015 at 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenMoss

My mother was very shy and overprotective when I was a child I think this taught me to feel the world is a scary place and to be cautious.

You're safe with us Greenie

AzulOscuro · Jan 13, 2015 at 09:45 AM

I understand you, GreenMoss.
The thing is that my father wasn't affectionable. He was distant but at the same time, he was overprotective, mainly with the females. Of course, I took the worst bc I'm the oldest female in my family.
He only see dangers and negativiness.

In my first adolescence, I felt like a bird that cannot fly bc its wings were cut.
But, again, it's better to have a father than not to have him.

Jan 14, 2015 at 12:05 AM

I think oldest children have it harder sometimes, maybe the parents are more strict with them because they are brand new at being parents.

afira · Jan 14, 2015 at 07:45 PM

i understand all these responses....dang its so nice hearing this stuff from others finally....im not alone..it makes me feel so much better.

that being said i have been able to get up in some places and do some skits and perform...i love making people laugh and i guess i can do this because....while i am scared to death to get up there in front of people..once i do..i am not me...i am the character i am playing......i play characters really well...i play one every day.....then i go home and just cocoon myself to de-stress from it.....

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AzulOscuro Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2014 Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!) Posts: 3,825 9 1,758 hugs given	Jan 08, 2015 at 06:23 PM #4 As a perfectionist, my main trigger for avoidance is when I have the feeling that I messed a situation up, or when people missunderstood my intentions. For example if I say a sentence without any bad intention and people misunderstand me. This makes me embarrassed and I feel like to going away.
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Anonymous37868 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 09, 2015 at 08:45 PM #9 Azul and Red- I don't know how you do it....I avoid children because wherever that kid is at so is everyone's attention and I don't want to get caught in the crosshairs. I definitely understand with the mistakes- I stopped going to a counselor I liked & had been with for 2 or 3 yrs because I overslept and missed the appointment and I was too ashamed to go back.
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AzulOscuro Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2014 Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!) Posts: 3,825 9 1,758 hugs given	Jan 09, 2015 at 08:57 PM #10 I spent most of the time only with my kids. They are so nice that give me a lot of energy. When I'm out with them I'm so focuss on the kids that I forget about any other thing or person. I have a hard time dealing with my kids' parents but I'm already used to it and whenever you treat their kids well, they are happy with the teacher.
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Anonymous37868 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 14, 2015 at 12:05 AM #18 I think oldest children have it harder sometimes, maybe the parents are more strict with them because they are brand new at being parents.
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