[Orvel]

I went into anxiety mode a couple of minutes ago. A visit to my friend caused this. I was a bit anxious while I was there. A bunch of "what am I going to do when..." thoughts rushed in. Basically fears from situations. For a while I felt powerless to change things. I've managed to calm myself with the tips my therapist gave me.

That made me wonder whether I should focus and prepare for these situations (they will happen eventually) or will this just increase my anxiety ?

[jelly-bean]

Maybe if you keep practicing the things your T taught you then the anxiety will be eased quicker when it comes. It would be nice to think that you will eventually get over the anxiety altogether but until you do it's nice to be prepared.

[Snap66]

Orvel welcome.

Therapy will give you grounding and a place to fall back to.
The more comfortable you get in therapy the more comfortable you will get with situations although there will always be challenges!!

Importantly there has to be challengers or you don't go forward.
Going forward is building the threshold making it slightly harder for the anxiety to reach you.
yes, you will fall, buts where determination comes from.

So to answer your question... Focus on therapy and the therapist as this is where you will find strength..... till eventually you find strength in yourself.

[Orvel]

Originally Posted by jelly-bean

Maybe if you keep practicing the things your T taught you then the anxiety will be eased quicker when it comes. It would be nice to think that you will eventually get over the anxiety altogether but until you do it's nice to be prepared.

Originally Posted by Snap66

Orvel welcome.

Therapy will give you grounding and a place to fall back to.
The more comfortable you get in therapy the more comfortable you will get with situations although there will always be challenges!!

Importantly there has to be challengers or you don't go forward.
Going forward is building the threshold making it slightly harder for the anxiety to reach you.
yes, you will fall, buts where determination comes from.

So to answer your question... Focus on therapy and the therapist as this is where you will find strength..... till eventually you find strength in yourself.

Thanks.

So the more practice I get, the better... but I asked whether it is smart to just deal with things as they come. For example, when on a night out with friends. Saying hello to people I know is difficult for me. I can't have a talk with them because of other people who sit with them.

Now there is this new coworker. I like her and she seems to like me, but she only sees me in work. Work is one of the places where I am very comfortable. She's never seen me in any other situations. My fear is that she will see me anxious in a public place not saying much. Will I approach her? Will she approach me? Will we meet half-way? Is it ok to say hi by kissing her on the cheek? What if she finds it not ok and moves away? These are the things that worry me... there's a lot of place there for anxious moments.

I used to worry a lot before stressful situations... 'what if this happens, what if that happens' but it just seemed to get me all worked up and tense. What helps me most is just taking care of myself, being patient with myself and not beating myself up when something doesn't go ideally.

[Orvel]

Originally Posted by GreenMoss

I used to worry a lot before stressful situations... 'what if this happens, what if that happens' but it just seemed to get me all worked up and tense. What helps me most is just taking care of myself, being patient with myself and not beating myself up when something doesn't go ideally.

Well, that's a problem for me. I feel like I've tried(all these years) to dull my senses to situations as much as possible, isolating myself so much that I don't do anything when people treat me bad. Currently I am trying to fight it and feel like I am expecting too much, worrying about how I am going to look. So I end up frustrated when even the smallest things don't go well. I am not sure if this makes any sense.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Orvel

Thanks.

So the more practice I get, the better... but I asked whether it is smart to just deal with things as they come. For example, when on a night out with friends. Saying hello to people I know is difficult for me. I can't have a talk with them because of other people who sit with them.

Now there is this new coworker. I like her and she seems to like me, but she only sees me in work. Work is one of the places where I am very comfortable. She's never seen me in any other situations. My fear is that she will see me anxious in a public place not saying much. Will I approach her? Will she approach me? Will we meet half-way? Is it ok to say hi by kissing her on the cheek? What if she finds it not ok and moves away? These are the things that worry me... there's a lot of place there for anxious moments.

Are you doing social progressive exposure therapy?

[Orvel]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Are you doing social progressive exposure therapy?

The therapist I am seeing is the only thereapist available around here and I don't think she offers this kind of therapy. Tbh I didn't disscus what kind of therapy I am on. My guess is that it's Cognitive behavioural therapy.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Orvel

The therapist I am seeing is the only thereapist available around here and I don't think she offers this kind of therapy. Tbh I didn't disscus what kind of therapy I am on. My guess is that it's Cognitive behavioural therapy.

I see. Nontheless, you could talk to her about this therapy. I tell you bc it's being very helpfull for me in reducing anxiety. Thus, it's a technique used in Cognitive Behavioural therapy.

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by Orvel

Well, that's a problem for me. I feel like I've tried(all these years) to dull my senses to situations as much as possible, isolating myself so much that I don't do anything when people treat me bad. Currently I am trying to fight it and feel like I am expecting too much, worrying about how I am going to look. So I end up frustrated when even the smallest things don't go well. I am not sure if this makes any sense.

Makes perfect sense Orvel. I guess that a lot of us get overwhelmed by "what ifs" and then shut down and isolate as a defense mechanism. For me, the key is staying focused on the present instead of letting my brain extrapolate a billion different future scenarios. That kind of mind-set just paralyzes me.

Originally Posted by Orvel

Well, that's a problem for me. I feel like I've tried(all these years) to dull my senses to situations as much as possible, isolating myself so much that I don't do anything when people treat me bad. Currently I am trying to fight it and feel like I am expecting too much, worrying about how I am going to look. So I end up frustrated when even the smallest things don't go well. I am not sure if this makes any sense.

Before anxiety provoking situations I have a tendency to imagine the best possible outcome. Like if I can think it, it will happen... and I'm not even talking about the things I myself do but I'm imagining things outside my control like other peoples actions. Maybe that is my attempt at trying to have some command in an uncontrollable world. These events never turn out in my idealized way. I'm just setting myself up for failure & disappointment; which in turn makes me fear and avoid more and more situations.

A book called The Tools gives a technique for situations that are wished to be avoided [which could be anything from something boring to something emotionally or physically painful/trying]. You imagine doing the thing you are nervous about or afraid of and imagine the worst possible outcome... you just imagine yourself pushing through it and surviving it. That way you have prepared yourself for the worst outcome (which most likely will not happen) and in your mind you survived it. This works best for me if I also feel compassion & patients toward myself in my 'fantasy' as I fail or as the situation goes terribly wrong; as I'm embarrassed or in pain. This way when I have to face whatever it is I'm afraid of in reality I'm not overly critical of myself and I haven't set my hopes on impossible standards.

If you have imagined the worst... it can only get better from there.

[AzulOscuro]

I like to be optimist but this strategy you mention, GreenMoss, about thinking the worst result in a stressfull situation, is really helpfull.
Thank you for sharing with us.