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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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Jan 16, 2015 at 02:29 PM
#1
Hey, guys!!
I was wondering how much I would like to be a proffessional músician. Thing I neither can dream bc of my avoidance. The single idea of perform something in front of people sounds like impossible for me. With time and experience, I learnt to sing and dance and make any kind of role plays in front of my learners and some coworkers but no further than this. What things did you have to give up bc of your avoidance or social phobia? |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 360
15 596 hugs
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Jan 16, 2015 at 07:25 PM
#2
Quote:
I don't feel comfortable having people come over. |
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 Anonymous37868
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
10 882 hugs
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Jan 20, 2015 at 08:25 AM
#3
Susan - me too! I have a really hard time inviting people over. I feel much too responsible over how they're feeling and worry so much about wasting their time.
I would have liked to be more athletic. I'm way too worried over how I look and standing out and not being good enough for a team of any sport that I never, ever tried. __________________ "The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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| newday2020
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Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 360
15 596 hugs
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Jan 20, 2015 at 08:53 PM
#4
I would have liked to have a career.
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| AzulOscuro
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 Addalee
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Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 360
15 596 hugs
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Jan 21, 2015 at 07:53 PM
#5
Some once told me "don't sell yourself short." It's taken a long time to "get it."
I'm trying to accept myself. I've compared myself with others so much. I relate to Avoidant personality. The feelings of inferiority, worrying about what others think of me, I've felt too much. Having to avoid people cause I always felt so "worn out" by them. I like my space. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given
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Jan 21, 2015 at 08:33 PM
#6
Quote:
This disorder makes you be and feel an outsider in life. I really heard you when you said that you would study a career bc for me was as climbing up the Everest. I missed many lessons bc I felt so strange, so different to my classmates. My love for this career saved me bc I work very hard at home doing the research, reading books...but it was hard as hell. If you let me an advise, I would say to you that look for help to do a therapy. You need to better your self-acceptance and your self-steem. Only when you get it you will be able to stop comparing with other people. I do it. Why won't you be able, too? |
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| newday2020
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Posts: n/a
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Jan 22, 2015 at 03:25 AM
#7
I would like to do fun learning things like take dance classes. I would like to do outdoorsy stuff like hiking or canoeing. If I wasn't an avoidant I probably would have gone to college or at least taken a class or two to see if it lead to anything else.
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| newday2020
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Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Land of sand
Posts: 109
10 20 hugs
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Jan 22, 2015 at 06:51 AM
#8
I would be happy!
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| A Red Panda, Anonymous37868, newday2020
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Addalee
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given
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Jan 22, 2015 at 08:58 AM
#9
Quote:
I would also be happier if I wasn't an avoidant but I think this disorder made of me what I am and there are also positive things about being an avoidant. Perhaps, I'm wrong but I think people with AvPD are moré consider with other people than the average. It also means that you are forced to know yourself better. Many people live their lifes without any awareness of who they are. I like to talk to other avoidants bc they have much moré interesting conversations than the average. I also think avoidants have a great inner world. |
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| newday2020
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Addalee, Teepee
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Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 360
15 596 hugs
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Jan 22, 2015 at 10:24 AM
#10
Quote:
Thanks for saying this positive stuff.  Lets keep this thread going.
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Addalee, AzulOscuro
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Member
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 360
15 596 hugs
given |
Jan 22, 2015 at 10:29 AM
#11
Quote:
What career did you pursue? Can you tell us more? I'm not against therapy......I have had therapy. I'd go again if the need arises. What I'm doing is trying to tell my story. It is good to communicate and not be so locked up. This is a good therapy. I've been helped so much with Psychcentral. 
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| Anonymous37868
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Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: 1000 miles from nowhere.
Posts: 311
12 3 hugs
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Jan 23, 2015 at 05:38 AM
#12
I'd maybe have more close friends.
I have a limit that i will not exceed or I'm just taking on more than i can emotionally manage. Friends is a commitment that non's or everyday people seem to do effortlessly. I just can't see it possible to have many friends with trying to balance being liked, connecting to them, having the freedom to back away unnoticed, fighting the Avie pull plus being able to come back... again unnoticed without loosing your spot. And if that person has lots of friends well that's definitely not going to work as that's one struggling non important, self doubting with low self esteem avie against many people can manage friendships and social situations seamlessly. Hard answering these questions as it feels like I'm complaining. Snap
__________________ Diagnosed: AvPD. It’s never alright. It comes and it goes. It’s always around, even when it don’t show. They say it gets better. well I guess that it might. But even when it’s better, it’s never alright. Last edited by Snap66; Jan 23, 2015 at 06:10 AM.. |
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| Anonymous37868, AzulOscuro
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Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Land of sand
Posts: 109
10 20 hugs
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Jan 23, 2015 at 07:03 AM
#13
Thanks AzulOscuro
I do 'manage' in most situations I will allow myself to be in but I can't help but think of the joy of not needing to plan and have escape routes set up my partner on call make sure my fiddles and calming stones are in my pocket (thats the day before I go out) and just walk out the door go to a shopping centre I have never been to meet a group of friends. I love my partner my job the study I'm doing so I have a career I absolutely adore where I live and the friends I do have are kind patient and loving after a big crash last year things are very slowly getting better and I'm feeling positive about my/our future for the first time in a long time I guess maybe I mean the joy and happiness spontaneous adventures would bring! |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given
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Jan 23, 2015 at 10:28 AM
#14
Quote:
I can't count how many times I attended to a therapist. This is a long road. A personality disorder never cures and you always need a push to live with it. |
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| newday2020
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given
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Jan 23, 2015 at 10:37 AM
#15
Quote:
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Addalee
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Member
Member Since Sep 2014
Location: in my monkey mind
Posts: 348
9 82 hugs
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Jan 23, 2015 at 06:48 PM
#16
Because of my avoidance issues, I've never had many close relationships, always keeping friends, family, girlfriends at arms' length, fear of intimacy and commitment I believe it's called. Therefore I've never been married or had any children and envy those who can achieve this with ease.
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| AzulOscuro
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Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: angola ny
Posts: 9,786
(SuperPoster!)
11 28.8k hugs
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Jan 23, 2015 at 07:22 PM
#17
AvpD are more considerate probably because they want to be treated that way too. love your brother as you love yourself
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 6
9 |
Jan 23, 2015 at 10:46 PM
#18
I think I would have been an awesome dancer, even if it were available to me financially after certain childhood events I couldn't bear to stand up in front of a room of people let alone make myself so vulnerable and open to hurt.
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| Anonymous37868, AzulOscuro, newday2020
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 6
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Jan 23, 2015 at 10:54 PM
#19
I can relate except I married the same mutually sick man twice and hurt him and possibly caused his passing from it. I have always been a cheater I think that keeps the distance I now realize I felt I needed.
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| mountain human
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given
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Jan 24, 2015 at 03:54 AM
#20
Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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