Struggles Finding A Significant Other

One of my goals in life since I was a kid (about 7 or 8) to this day has been finding a significant other to spend my life with. One thing difficult with AvPD is even forming romantic relationships in the first place. I have had a few relationships over the past 1 1/2 years that all started online as it was the easiest way for me to communicate. One problem though is these have all been long distance and this causes many problems with trying to really get to know the other person, travel expenses, etc. I have only visited one girl who I was in a relationship with a my constant self-doubts and fear of rejection socially paralyzed me which in effect resulted in the rejection I feared so much come true. I haven't really connected well with anyone the same way since then as far as similar hobbies and interests goes which is why my following relationships failed. Really I've given up hope on finding someone I'll truly connect with again so this causes me to think even less of myself and digs my depression deeper. I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and/or found ways to tackle this problem. Thanks.

You are jumping too ahead of yourself. Take it one step at a time. you have plenty of time in your life to find a significant other. enjoy being single for the moment.

yes, being single sounds like the way to go. you should revel in your abiity to do what you want when you want. i'm not saying don't look for someone, but make sure you get the space you need and enjoy your single years before you get into something you can't handle. my best years were when i was single.

Haha, nothing really to enjoy about being single from my perspective and would probably shoot down most of the things people would say are benefits as things that I couldn't care less about. xD

Well, if you're looking for a life partner right now then maybe put that in your profile on a dating site and see if anyone is looking for that also and has similar interests as you? For your AvPD, are you on medication - I don't think meds really help personality disorders, but I'm just wondering if you're on anything for any anxiety you might have, or are you doing any exposure therapy? I understand the internet being the easiest place to communicate and meet people. I understand that very well and it's frustrating and I understand being socially paralyzed when face to face with someone. I started drinking alcohol because of that (not that I'm advocating it, hah) and I always plan things to say ahead of time and just kinda force myself to say them and if we click then sometimes the talking gets easier.

I do want to say that I think you put too much pressure on finding a relationship that's going to save you. Sharing your life with someone could make you happier, but. I feel like that's not healthy right now. I might not be wording this exactly the way I intended to, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Currently I just want to find a potential girlfriend to see how the relationship goes and with time find out if she is the one for me. I am on Cymbalta which has an anti-anxiety component, but really meds have never worked for me period, whether it be for depression or anxiety.

It isn't that I think that a relationship will save me, but rather finding that special someone is one of my life goals. I am a very goals oriented individual, I tend to look at the world through the scope of possibilities, ideals, values, and goals more than anything else. My life goals as of now are to become a writer, find a significant other, and have a family because those are things I value in life.

Meds haven't really worked for me either. Have you ever tried benzos, xanax or anything?

You are worth so much more than that. I can't be a girlfriend but I am a friend who understands depression it out loud say and am willing to be there for you. I was feeling horrible tonight. Horrible enough to know that if I say it out loud I will be put in the hospital and I don't want that. My son turns 13 today and even though I didn't talk to him I love him so much. I would never ever do that to him. I work
I worked a psych hospital for 14 years and no family member deserves to see a family member die. I came on here because I was crushed and depressed. My husband just plead guilty to severe and highly aggravated domestic violence. I am an average sized girl with blonde hair and hazel green eyes, I have a masters degree and an MBA. PLEASE don't put yourself down. . If you ever want to contact me it is is ok. I wanted a want to be clear that I am not interested in a romantic relationship but it sound like you could use a friend.

Hi there!
I do understand your need to share your life with someone else. In my opinión, it's the most marvellous thing. I also met my partner on the internet.
Said that, I would tell you that even when you are focussed on looking for a special person, don't stop paying attention to you, because you need to progress and overcome your problems with social anxiety or whatever. You need to develop yourself as a single person.

The fact that your relationship with that girl you liked didn't work, doesn't mean you are going to fail again. You are now wiser and have moré experience.
It would be convenient that your girl hasn't AvPD, social anxiety or something like that.
There are two things that helped in the relation with my partner: he is an extrovert and we were as friends "special friends" for a long time before I could trust him. He respected it and it was the key to success. No preassures.

Good luck!

I have a hard time with relationships. If I care abou someone... I am just utterly incapable of ever initiating anything. Even when I'm in a relationship I can't make the first move!

I tend to do two things which frustrate me - I tend to overlook anyone who may be flirting with me and assume that they're just joking around and want to be friends - to the point that I've been on at least three dates by now that I didn't know were dates!!

I also have almost always gone into a relationship if someone makes it clear enough that it's what they want. I've only been able to say no a few times, and that's because they were already decent friends of mine. And I still had a really hard time doing it even though I knew I had zero interest in a relationship with them.

Blackbear, you haven't even been working on getting better with your anxiety and depression. You are stressing yourself over such a big goal. It's too much for you as of now. Before you run off to look for a woman, work on developing confidence first. Again, don't jump too ahead of yourself. Don't just take this for granted, think about it before you go off making mistakes and hurting yourself all over again.

I agree.

I can completely relate to this thread. I finally gave on-line dating a shot, which is much easier than real-life relationships when you have social anxiety issues. I met my GF this way. As was mentioned, it helps a lot that she doesn't have a lot of issues of her own. She's extroverted, fearless, non-judgemental and emotionally open...it inspires me to be around her. Now I try not to stress to much that I'm going to screw things up.

Mountain has a girlfriend, mountain has a girlfriend...I think I waste so much time with children. Lol!

Hey, Mountain, it's marvellous that she is a normal girl. I think you can find her very inspirational.
Don't worry. You are not going to mess it up. Be yourself and try to keep open up to her so she will understand you better.
Good luck, honey! Love is the most amazing thing in this world.

Ugh. Another lonely night, laying in bed, wishing I could find a someone to fill my hear with love.

My mind shakes as it breaks from this burden I carry heavier than a ton of lead.

Crushes my soul as it takes me under and it presses me deeper every time I try to shove.

I give up!

Don't know what else to say to you kid.

Sorry.

I understand you but what we are telling is the truth. In the end, we are all alone in the main events. We have to learn to be comfortable with ourselves as a previous step to share our lives with another person.

Have you got any hobby? You could enjoy sharing about your hobbie in the internet and you could meet people there.