Recently diagnosed AvPD - question for fellow AvPD's

Hey guys and gals,

I was recently diagnosed with AvPD on top of my Borderline and was hoping to ask you all some questions. I know very little about Avoidant Personality Disorder and I want to know more.

I would say that I struggle with the inability to trust just about anyone - including my parents and not until recently - my therapist... (long story)

Do you guys an gals relate to this? Is trust at the core of Avoidant PD?

In the past I would open up to my Mom and she would go and tell my family members what I said and then I would get hurt. This happened for years and still happens to this day. It hurts so much. I've been looking for a mother figure for years and my own mother can't even keep the trust. She says, "don't tell me anything if you can't trust me," but she continues to share intimate things... It's very discouraging and I know I have become wary of all people as a result.

Personally - I think my family has taught me how not to trust others. In very rare cases this has shown benefit - because I am so sensitive to signs of lack of trust in others - but I have literally been alone and afraid of others for years. I've avoided friends and family for years. It is truly debilitating. And I know there are trustworthy people out there.

Any suggestions on how I can go about pursuing change in these areas? Please let me know. I am newly diagnosed with AvPD and I want to tackle this stuff - share your wisdom - please!!

Thanks,
HD

i am sorry that your mother did not share your confidence. i think there are some informative articles here on pc about avpd. i know there are some other avdp's. i hope they come along to answer your questions.

Gday HD.

Trust or learning to trust first starts between infancy and 18 months.
If we pass successfully through this stage we have some kind of confidence that life will be basically ok... then we are ready to start the next stage of life.

If we fail to experience trust we turn inward bc we are frustrated bc our needs are not met... then I guess we move forward onto the next stage of life without the learned skills of trust and poorly equipped for early childhood.

I want to trust people and wanting to trust means i think they are worthy, but i simply cant allow my self to be vulnerable like that. I know that sounds obnoxious or rude but i don't want to put my hope and faith in someone i like or care about only to be let down by them.
I don't want someone i like or care about to let me down bc thats the past emotions coming back to haunt me, so i depend on myself which puts no undue pressure on anyone.

This all goes back to parents and caregivers where the infant wants and has the urge to trust, but to be let down time and time again by loved ones takes its tole quickly and turning inward is the new learned behavior (depend on yourself).. plus i'm not sure how this fits in but i don't want good people i care for to fail.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/avoid...st-people.html

Yes. I don't trust my family either. My sisters and my mum in particular talk about me behind my back and tell each other what I talk about with them. I've told them again and again not to do it but they still do. Now I keep them at a distance and don't share anything with them.

I have trust issues and trust very few people...

I definitely have trust issues. I know how to act the motions of trusting someone, and I can share a lot of facts about myself that seem really trusting... but at the core of it? No, I don't trust very much at all.