Self-steem

Many of PDs fail in self-steem: avoidant, borderline, narcissist.
And many other people who has illness from Axis I like, social phobia, anxiety or depression fail in self-steem as well.
So, I think you can relate to this thread.
Where to buy a good self-steem? I can give whatever.

I was said that positive affirmations about yourself is useful: you know, you are a person like others, you are worthy. Add, your good qualities to it if you can. I can't do it now. I try to but it's hard.

I also was said: making things with your own hands. There is so much time since I don't do a thing with my own hands.

More tricks. I need whatever.

I used to find very usefull when I can help other people.

What else? Share your knowledge.

Building self-esteem is hard for me, too. I agree in that I wish we could just buy some, but I've found when I try to buy it, it backfires. I've tried buying things to make me feel better about myself only to be disappointed.

I do find that making things (crafts) do make me feel better about myself at least when they turn out right. I find that exercise makes me feel better about myself except lately I've been too depressed to do any, leading me to feel worse about myself. I wish I had answer.

I have no answers, I think on my past and the mistakes I have made which are many and I dont feel like I am like everyone else so I dont really have answrs for you, sigh, I wish I did have some

I am the same bill

I wish I had answers.

Positive affirmations - yeah, don't believe a word of it, feels ridiculous, not going to work.

Like gayleggg I also tried buying things for myself to make myself feel better. New clothes to feel better. I only felt fat when I tried them on.

Making things with your hands. I now have three hideous mini flower pots standing on my window sill. Not feeling any better about myself.

Guys! We are all a bunch of pessimists.

I won't deny that I'm a pessimist but I don't think it's pessimism when you've tried something and it just work.

I, on the contrary, use to be possitive, ok it's not natural I had to practice but when I'm in depression I can't see or think of any straight.
Nontheless, I think having a balance self-steem is possible. It's much more difficult to get it being an adult than when being a child but I think it's possible.
What happen is that the change has to take place in the roots not a superficial one.

Our own brain stops us from doing the things that we, sometimes/many times can tell other people to do. Our minds can quickly convince us that we can't do this or things just won't work.
I disagree that meditation is over rated - it works for some and not others - that's just a fact. Saying that meditation is over rated is invalidating it's work for those that it does help (this wasn't said in this thread, but I read it somewhere else)

If it doesn't work for you, then if you want to get better, try something else. That's one of the points - look for something that works for you. It's out there, but you also have to want to change to make it work.

Being in a depressive state makes it double if not triple hard to get out of that hole or darkness - I KNOW - I'm not talking out of my a $ $.
But, it can be done. We just have to work harder than the person who seems to have no problem taking that first positive step. It's sucks, it's unfair, but that's the way it is.

I've been going through a difficult time - it turned out to be harder than I thought. I wanted to be in my miserable state because it felt safer to stay there. I surprised myself and did my DBT online class homework instead. It took several hours to do it, and it took more hours to actually feel better. But, finishing my homework made me feel good - made me feel accomplished - even if it was a tiny little ounce of accomplishment - it worked for me in that moment. And, that tiny ounce has lasted through today because I'm back here at PC (i avoided it for several days), and I'm reading about DBT and actively working on staying focused on me and not the people and/or events that are causing my pain.

If you have a tiny accomplishment, then take credit for it, no matter how small because it's an accomplishment. Those tiny steps feel like massive, mountain-sized obstacles and I don't care, I'm giving myself credit for that tiny step if it helps because it's helps me think more positively, especially about myself.

Don't know if I'm late to this party but I am an unofficial AvPD, I should have my official diagnosis Wednesday. I lived mostly by not living, if that makes sense. All I did was play my video games and do the 'safe' things. Didn't really socialize somehow got married and not surprising divorced. So real quick I'm 29 and been an introvert all my life, extremely shy, etc. Anyways about 1 month ago my wife asked for the divorce, at first I was pretty devastated and did all the wrong things to try to salvage it. I don't know if it's the pending divorce that has been driving me but I just don't care anymore. I joined the meetup.com site and I have been forcing myself to go 'play' with the other kids. It has helped me a lot get some confidence back even though I'm still the quiet one, don't know what to say, always thinking what the other people are thinking. I just silence my own thoughts and throw myself in. It's worth a shot for some piece of mind. Just remember we are all unique and we don't have a mental handicap/illness we are mentally interesting. Just be kind and honest to yourself and with your interactions. Oh and the mediation has worked for me (doing yoga)

I'm agree with you.
Today, I was listening to a coach talking about FEAR, you know, it's in the link you provided me. It's very illustrative the way she explains how our fear and antixipatory thoughts affect all our bodies and mind. The healthy approach consists on feeling the fear without judgements, without thinking beyond the present moment and this fear and getting used to it as a natural feeling and let orher feelings arise that can help us to face a situation from a wiser perspective.

I don't know if I will have great results with this practice but I have to try it. All my life I've been paralyzed by fears.
Now, I'm in the moment you describe about only wanted to be in a safe place and hide. I have a terrible guilty feeling for different circumstances and I can't move on. I haven't got the strenght now.

Yeah, this thought that is always in your mind saying " you are different, you are the rare, what I am doing here if I'm the stranger...".
It's so hard to take these thoughts out of your head.

Again, it has to be with a balance self-steem and accenting things are they are but without limiting our own possibilities to be better.
It's good having in mind the idea that we may be different to others but it doesn't mean we are less. Perhaps, we have also things to offer but they are different.

Maybe the possibility of being vulnerable in spite of our avoidance could be a start to self-acceptance.

Jade

Oh, I'm so glad you're using the website/guided meditations. the way you describe it - that's meditation right there. It might take some time to be able to let those thoughts come and not respond with judgments, but it gets better/easier with time. My meditation teacher uses a word I like a lot and helped me with this: "gentilmente" dejamos ir ese pensamiento....
A thought goes in your mind, you acknowledge, and you let it go.

And you know what, it's okay to not have the strength right now - it's important to recognize that in the moment - what you feel is valid right now - don't judge it and don't judge yourself either -- what you're feeling is not wrong - you will analyze what is it that you want to do and the moment will come. Do you stay hidden? Do you move? Do you do nothing? The answers will come.
"gentilmente" let go of that guilt when you're ready.

You will find your strength - don't judge yourself or your thoughts.

*big hug*
I hope you find meditation useful because it really helped me - if you need anything - even a little encouragement let me know.

Thank you for your kind words, MMBean. I really appreaciate all your posts. They are so full of hope.
You know, each time, you get stuck it's a world to stand up again. I'm suppoused to be wiser and don't let me down again so badly, but this only says to me that I wasn't going for the true path and that there are some issues I have to solve.

Yes, I understand completely

For me, and this may sound like too much, but I would probably have better self-esteem if anything I did worked. It's fine to try things, but at some point, when nothing EVER works out for you, it's hard to stay positive. Maybe if I had something to grab a hold of initially, it would go a long way to helping me get the ball rolling. But when you can never seem to make anything work for you ever, it's gets a little frustrating. It's not pessimism, it's just reality.

Is self esteem and self worth the same thing? Anyway, I do love working with my hands and like making things whether they turn out ok or not. I can hyperfocus on making something and spend hours without eating or drinking. It is the thing that I get most pleasure from. I don't think my self esteem with regards to being in the real world will ever change. I think I will always feel 'lesser than' everyone else. I have tried positive affirmations but as someone above said, I just felt like an idiot so it never worked for me.