Sense of belonging

AzulOscuro · Jun 22, 2015 at 07:37 PM

Beside a very interesting article this week in the forum magazine, I came across this interesting article about how important is for a person having the sense of belonging to groups.
It also give some techniques.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ense-belonging

hpocus · Jun 22, 2015 at 08:42 PM

Too bad I'm avoidant so I will never feel that...

Fuzzybear · Jan 03, 2020 at 02:11 PM

AzulOscuro · Jan 19, 2020 at 04:30 PM

Wow! I forgot I wrote this once here. Without any doubt, the last sub-forum I should have written this.
I know it, pals. So many people don’t feel the sense of belonging. For an avoidant it must me even more impossible.
Wished things were in a different way.

LittleEarthquakes · Jan 23, 2020 at 11:34 AM

It’s not impossible but it’s very hard. I often don’t say anything in groups and in the past when I did I was medicated with Xanax. Still, belonging feels nice.

AzulOscuro · Jan 26, 2020 at 10:31 PM

Again, not as an avoidant but as a person who has been suffering social phobia since a teenager, I totally hear you in the sense that the very few occasions I ever experienced some sort of feeling of belonging even a remotely close one to that feeling, it was as a blessing. Until my own fears tell me: No, this is too good for being real. I better run in the opposite direction.

zapatoes · Jan 26, 2020 at 11:19 PM

Yes understand how it is difficult to feel part of a group since moved every few years as a kid, I’m different anyway so growing up in one place wouldn’t have helped much. It was educational to move around and broaden my horizons. It’s difficult when you feel different and even when in a group you feel like an impostor or a fraud, waiting to be called out at any moment as a fraud. What are YOU doing here, YOU don’t belong... ouch. This is how I’ve felt in the past, I tried, I’m smart and just not outgoing and the entertaining speaker I needed to be, teach classes, talk a lot, be outgoing, be extra extroverted.

Ugh, it was not me, now I’m avoidant it seems and would prefer to avoid almost all human contact, no not really. It was a bad experience that I went through and was trying to please others and knew it wasn’t me.

My bad......

AzulOscuro · Jan 27, 2020 at 09:11 AM

Acceptance. I’m fine with being on my own and far from people but in my case it became more an outcome of defeatism than real acceptance.
I’m thinking that this could be a difference between someone who tends to avoid and a person with the avoidant disorder.
I feel there’s a part of me that it’s not avoidant at all. I mean, it’s not my true self and this may be the reason why I struggle so much because my anxiety doesn’t let me express my whole person.
Hope I’m making sense.
Do you still feel these urges of belonging and engaging with people?

Fuzzybear · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Acceptance. I’m fine with being on my own and far from people but in my case it became more an outcome of defeatism than real acceptance.
I’m thinking that this could be a difference between someone who tends to avoid and a person with the avoidant disorder.
I feel there’s a part of me that it’s not avoidant at all. I mean, it’s not my true self and this may be the reason why I struggle so much because my anxiety doesn’t let me express my whole person.
Hope I’m making sense.
Do you still feel these urges of belonging and engaging with people?

My anxiety definitely doesn't let me express my whole person. Even at the age of 5 I was labelled as ''withdrawn'' at school and the parental units told me I ''had always been shy''. I remember when I was 5 one teacher who was actually nice to me (once) said ''don't look so worried''.... most people at school didn't like me as I was so ''shy'' and ''silent''... Somehow I have developed a more outgoing part? but only with a very few people and … sort of... online

The Experts said I have ''avoidant personality'' and declared I deserved ''medication and nothing else'' (that was a clinical psychologist

A shrink agreed

that I ''deserved'' no therapy

As I am now allergic to the ''medications'' I am pretty much ****ed

He did say there ''is room for a quiet person'' in a one day ''anxiety'' group which I found quite off putting. I probably wouldn't have said anything anyway

I do not like their labels

I would like to engage with sensitive, thoughtful, kind and intelligent people irl but I have found very few

Fuzzybear · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zapatoes

Yes understand how it is difficult to feel part of a group since moved every few years as a kid, I’m different anyway so growing up in one place wouldn’t have helped much. It was educational to move around and broaden my horizons. It’s difficult when you feel different and even when in a group you feel like an impostor or a fraud, waiting to be called out at any moment as a fraud. What are YOU doing here, YOU don’t belong... ouch. This is how I’ve felt in the past, I tried, I’m smart and just not outgoing and the entertaining speaker I needed to be, teach classes, talk a lot, be outgoing, be extra extroverted.

Ugh, it was not me, now I’m avoidant it seems and would prefer to avoid almost all human contact, no not really. It was a bad experience that I went through and was trying to please others and knew it wasn’t me.

My bad......

A mean little kid of a neighbour said ''push fuzzy out of the door'' Ouch. Another time she said ''I don't know who you are''.. ouch. Her mother was mean....

Its a certain sort of person with certain traits who say things like ''what are you doing here, you don't belong''

Unfortunately for me the PUS parental units have those not endearing or loving traits

I do find grizzly bears more pleasant

Fuzzybear · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleEarthquakes

It’s not impossible but it’s very hard. I often don’t say anything in groups and in the past when I did I was medicated with Xanax. Still, belonging feels nice.

I can relate to this..

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hpocus Account Suspended Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Pallet Town Posts: 123 9 52 hugs given	Jun 22, 2015 at 08:42 PM #2 Too bad I'm avoidant so I will never feel that...
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,458 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.4k hugs given	Jan 03, 2020 at 02:11 PM #3 __________________
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LittleEarthquakes Grand Member Member Since Jan 2015 Location: USA Posts: 771 9 111 hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 11:34 AM #5 It’s not impossible but it’s very hard. I often don’t say anything in groups and in the past when I did I was medicated with Xanax. Still, belonging feels nice.
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