good things people do

As an avoidant, what are some things people do (the way they treat you) that make you love them for it. Or what are traits in other people that you like.

Because I'm soft spoken I like it when people lean in to listen to me instead of telling me to talk louder.

I like it when people come up to me to talk other than trying to have a conversation across a room in front of others.

When I'm depressed I love it when people show me quiet sincere concern and give me space rather than singling me out about my mood in front of others or try to change it by saying 'It's not that bad' or telling me to smile.

I worked with a lady from Asia a couple years ago who was reserved. She was very sweet and she would talk to me. When my helper pointed out she didn't talk to him, I was flattered. It made me feel really good that she thought of me as a safe? person to talk to, or anyway, for her I was approachable- because to so many people I am not.

I'm such a 'less is more kind' of person. And I love, love, love sincerity.

I love it when people lean in too! Growing up, I've come across some people who would completely end a conversation with me once they realized they would struggle just to hear me and others who would just ignore me and speak to me through a nearby friend. It was such a recurring problem that my friends would sometimes speak for me from the get-go, but some people were insistent on hearing my own voice. I don't know, it just makes me feel like they really cared about my opinions.

Thank you for making this thread; it really made me smile after reading your personal experiences, and remembering my own.

There are many things that I like of people. But, I loved when someone has the patience to listen to me. I'm usually a bit slow bc I think about what the person is telling me so I sometimes delay to answer to this person.
I like real communication so, a person who is open to talk about any topic in an openly way and trying to understand your view. Without judgements. They are a treasure.

Erm... well.... I don't think there is anyone around me who does anything good for my avoidance. I wish there was someone who showed quiet concern, as GreenMoss said, but I'm on my own.

But I do want to share a story that happened over 10 years ago. I had switched schools after I'd become depressed and I still wasn't doing well. On my new school I had to drop a bunch of subjects because everything was too stressful for me. It made me feel like a complete failure. And right after I'd had to make that decision, my class from my new school had to go to my old school for a chemistry class. I was terrified of running into anyone I knew because I was convinced all my former classmates hated me and I didn't want to have to tell anyone about dropping half of my classes. And since I traveled there on my own, I was of course very scared of going into this situation on my own, finding my class etc. I was standing outside of my old school, not seeing any of my classmates, too scared to go inside.... and then this guy who worked at my old school saw me and came outside. He came up to me and said "come on, everyone is already inside" and showed me to my class. And in that moment my fears just instantly went away and I felt so comforted. He wasn't a teacher, I have no idea how he even knew what I was doing there, that I belonged with the group from the other school, but I still feel very grateful to him.

Come to think of it.... Maybe he was the person showing me gentle concern when I still went to that school, at times when I was too sad/scared to go into my classroom and I would just sit in the cafeteria trying to study. He was a good guy.

I talked in general about what people do that I like and makes me feel comfortable.

Focussing on things people do that can help me to overcome my avoidance but not necesarily makes me feel comfortable but just the opposite is when my partner push me to talk to strangers. He usually pushes me mainly if the other person speaks English.
In those moments, I want to give him a punch but then, I feel better.

As I came back to school and my coworkers know about my struggles with depression...when some of them ask me how I am doing or if I am feeling well.

When people go out of their way to talk to me and indicate that they are really listening. When people remember prior conversations and details about me. When they don't pressure me and make me feel guilty for being reticent.