Keeping journals

Hey guys,

Keeping a journal where you can register mood swings, triggers, fears and also good things seems to be something largely recommended as a coping technique. But how many of you have trouble with it?

Writing soothes me, but I'm just so scared to write a journal. I'm afraid people will be reading it over my shoulder at public places, or that I can forget it somewhere and someone else will find, or even that a family member could open and read it by accident.

I also don't feel confortable to write about myself in my mother language. All my attempts to make entries were made in other languages so I can feel like other people won't read it (at least, not so easily and not most of them) , but I feel pathetic for doing this, it sounds so stupid. I've done it before, but ended up tearing/burning the pages when I read it again months later. :/

Making personal notes in first person seems impossible for me too. My personal, journal-like writing is weird and distant. This is frustrating as hell because writing is something I try to believe I'm good at.

Another way of doing journals is to write an historical narrative in the past or just to write a fiction story.

What is helpful is to reinterpret the way you are telling the story so maybe you don't need so many details just the overview and how to reinterpret.

Another possibility is to download an application and write on your cell phone. You will add a safety code and noone will be able to read it.
I'm pretty disarter writing a journal. I only remember to write on it when something bad happened and I need to pull it out, so rereading is pretty depressive. I avoid doing it.

I wish i would start keeping track of my thoughts, but it just makes me more upset when I read it. I wish we could just erase our thoughts and not have to deal with them. How do you stop them?

I used to feel that way, and it's a legitimate concern. You need to trust that people won't read it to some extent, if they are worthy. I keep mine in my bag with me all the time.

I used to keep a private password protected blog, but I now prefer the paper journal. It's so worth it. Even if you burn it in the end. But it's even better if you hang on to them to be able to track your progress. or just have a record of your life and things you would have forgotten.

Thanks for the replies, guys. I bought a new notebook and will use it for good. You can't believe how hard this is for me, it's almost comical.

I just can't trust people won't read, it's not even that I believe they'll intentionally peek on my stuff, but who knows, maybe they're looking for something open a drawer and some words catch their attention.

I blush reading my old writings. I feel so ashamed and stupid for myself

totally normal! I almost never read back unless I'm hoping to find a clue as to something I forgot. But I find comfort knowing that there is a part of me who is gone remembered somewhere.

I've tried it, but I find it hard to stay motivated to keep writing.

I live on my own so I'm not that worried about anyone else reading it. But I did take it with me on holiday when I left the key to my flat with my neighbour. Even though it's all written in my native language, which my neighbour doesn't even speak. So yeah, I guess it is normal to be a little paranoid about people reading it.

I wonder if I undermine my motivation with paranoia. I don't always feel motivated either, I'm rarely confortable with it.

I keep a digital journal that I mainly use to remember what to talk about in my next therapy session. It gets deleted every week, but it still fulfills the purpose of thinking about your emotions. Normally I wouldn't even want to think about things that only makes me feel worse.

Your paranoia is totally understandable and I have the same worries as you. It's not just an excuse not to do it.

I've kept diaries before. I tore up the one when I was a teenager out of fear someone would find it and read it. That one was so angry and vicious toward myself.

The one in my early twenties was mostly about loneliness and me being so sad and feeling awkward & guilty for having an intense crush on a guy. I forced myself to reread that one a couple years ago to see if I was repeating the same mistakes. When I wrote my emotions felt so serious & dramatic, I felt in despair. Rereading it, it just sounded so shallow and juvenile, I was kinda put out with myself (I had hoped I was more interesting than that). I ended up shredding that one too.

One thing I worried about was if something happened to me and my family members would get my possessions. The idea of them reading that horrified me. I wrote about issues with my parents. I can't imagine how bad my mom would feel reading that. Lots of ranting in it. Hardly anybody in there was written in a positive light because I didn't need to write about that- it's the negative stuff I wrote about, to get that stuff out.

I've also experimented with learning and writing backwards so no one could read it. But then I had trouble rereading that so I thought what's the point.

Now I just write down nuggets from whatever I come across- lines from books or movies- that make sense to me or comfort me. I have several I've found here on psychcentral.

Sometimes you need to rant or vent and that's ok, that's a natural way of coping with your emotions. For me it helps more to share it with people who actually understand and relate to what I'm going through. A journal or a paid substitute friend (therapist) doesn't really work for me that well. Did it make you feel better afterwards to let it all out?

I'm pretty much like GreenMoss. I even tried to use cryptograms, which was just too much trouble even for me, honestly.

AboutToCrash: In my case I don't know if it made me feel better as I get too worried and paranoid about someone reading it. I agree with you, but I see myself in so many situations where I need to write down things right in that moment either to let it out or because I know I won't remember it later, so it sucks a bit.

There's also something fulfiling about having a journal and writing regularly, I can't really explan, though. Maybe it's the feeling of getting a grip at something about myself.

I use a digital journal as I don't want anyone reading my thoughts. My mother kept a written journal which we found several of them after her death. There were entries that made me smile but there were also entries that left me sad and a few that even hurt. I don't want to worry about my family reading them after I die either, so digital make more sense for me

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I feel almost the same:
I overcame the fear of someone reading it by finding a password protected online application, diaro app.
But! I cannot help the shame what I feel when I wanted to read it back, and I keep getting discouraged and stop the whole thing.

The whole thing is ridiculous anyways, because I always dream about being an author (don't worry, English is not my native language), but I'm not able to write 1 single page without having doubts and leave the project because of my insecurities.

I read here and there that for AVPD people sometimes it's good to sublimate their feelings through writing, also graduate exposure is a not too bad therapy tool, so exposing myself to my fears and practicing writing shouldn't be a bad idea.... just cannot commit to that