Eager of social interaction? Really?

Hello,
I wanted to know how do you know if you're eager of social contact and closeness? How do you tell this apart from being afraid of not being "normal"?

I'm realizing I don't long for friends or ar "social life". I don't hold myself from a social life because I'm afraid of being judged by others, I do it because I don't like it. It truly makes me unconfortable. I used to think I was trying to justify myself, but I'm not. When I compare myself to my mother, for example, I don't frown at invitations because I'm terrified of people judging me like she does... I just think it's an useless effort. I -thought it was because I'm an introvert, but I was probably wrong.

What makes me feel insecure is that I don't like to be rejected, and when you decline too many invitations people stop inviting you. I also don't want to be seen as weird for not functioning like others do. I also feel like I may be in disadvantage in work spaces, too.

On the other hand, I do have a stable intimate relationship and my partner makes me feel pressured not to be like this. He's a social person, and I get triggered by it. I'm afraid of being too weird for not really enjoying being around other people, I'm afraid of being too clingy towards him and feel frustrated really easily.

I even like sharing interests with others, I mean, if the said others are as into something as I am, but, to be honest, I feel more confortable when they're online friends at a distance, with no pressure to meet or make appointments.

So, in the end, it seems to me that I only question my behaviour because of others?

Are you specifically talking about real life contact? I don't ever feel comfortable around other people. But I do feel the need of getting a deeper connection with someone.

If they are people I know for a long time, I'm not afraid of telling them I'd rather be alone than going out to watch a movie or something. Branding myself as an outsider. It all comes down to accepting your condition yourself first. It sucks though when we are misunderstood for being arrogant or cold, when in reality we're just shy.

People who judge you negatively for being yourself aren't worth having around! You aren't doing yourself a favour if you still try to appeal to them. But I know how hard it is to find someone who appreciates and understand you just the way you are.

I get your fear of rejection, and it becomes even worse when you find someone you actually care about. Don't wanna be negative, but the reality is, that your vision of having fun doesn't align with that of the people who invite you.

You can force yourself to put on a facade and act in a more socially accepted way. But we all know the truth around here. There's no point in fooling yourself if you don't enjoy it.

Of course it's a huge disadvantage in work spaces and social environments. That's a really depressing thought, isn't it?

I'm happy for you to have a stable and intimate relationship! It's often times harder for a partner to accept your condition than it is for yourself. You probably already know it, but the only way to solve this problem is to talk openly with him about your fears and feelings. If there's any person in the world you can trust, it should be him.

Sharing your interests online is the best! If only they wouldn't be pushing so much into real life You know asking personal questions, exchanging photos, voice chat or even meeting irl.

Yes I think you only question yourself because of others. Would you be happy with yourself if it was only about yourself?

Depends on what you consider social interactions. Do I want to have a large group of friends, spend all my time with them, go to parties and other big social gatherings? Hell no.

But I definitely want some social interactions. I'm just very picky about the people I want to spend time with. For example, I used to be in a really great team at work, I got on very well with all of my coworkers and I enjoyed talking to them. But things changed: people left, others came in their place and I just don't really click with these people. Now I am much more isolated at work and on the one hand I don't mind because I don't want to interact with them, but I do wish there were people around that I could interact with more. People that are a better "match" to me.

I'm a little confused by your post though. You say you don't hold back because you are afraid, but you also say you don't enjoy it because you feel uncomfortable. Don't you think this being uncomfortable is caused by your fear of rejection/fear of being different?

Thanks for your replies,

AboutToCrash: I don't really have close friends besides my boyfriend or my sister. It happens that my sister ended up attending to the same college I attend to. I think I even started getting closer to people because of her, but on the other hand I feel like I can't scape invitations that easily. I have never told my sister about this, even though she is not dumb and notices that I'm very different from her. I ended up being friends with her best friend in college, which is a nice person. I wouldn't fear telling him I don't want to go somewhere, for example. We're not really, really close, though.

BreakForTheLight: I'm not afraid of being judged by others, I simply don't enjoy being around or hanging out with others that much. I've been around people who are a nice "match" before at work or college, for example. I will even joke, laugh with them, it's easier to work with nice people, I can enjoy that to some extent. But that's all. I don't want to hang out with them afterwards. I don't know why people enjoy this.

So it's actually quite the opposite, I've already accepted invitations because I thought I should so people wouldn't stop inviting me or start seeing me as weird.

I'm very picky too. And I've tried many times before, but I just don't get it, I can't really enjoy it. I can pull up a facade, specially if I have alcohol to help... but I know deep inside I'd rather be somewhere else, by myself or with my boyfriend.

I don't want a large group of friends and, to be honest, I don't know if I can handle a close friendship IRL either. This will probably sound as something mean, but I don't always care about people. I don't feel attached to friends and sometimes I think I don't care about them. However, I have a penpal and there's something soothing about the distance that I can't really describe. I get excited to send them stuff, for example. Weird, I know.

Recently, an ooooold friend contacted me and I was hesitant to reply their message out of fear of they wanting to get close and hang out and all.