How do you feel about texting?

I think I just upset my mom.

I call her once a week and feel that should be sufficient. She is retired. Last week I went down and visited her in addition to calling her. She is retired now. She has been texting me everyday. It drives me nuts. Because I know if I respond to her every time she will want more and more and more.

I work 10hrs a day. Around lots of people.... ugh. And my two days off are separated. So I really need complete alone time. Phone calls and even texting I count as an intrusion of my privacy. Also, because she was over protective when I was a kid it feels like she is prodding or trying to control me. Logically I know she is just bored or concerned and caring for me; but I feel provoked, and I start to get really angry.

I've decided to live.... meaning quit smoking, using my depression/anxiety and shyness as an excuse to be irresponsible ( I do it-not saying others do- but I started to notice I use my MI as a crutch not to try to live better, do better) and to fix what I can that is wrong with me. So I'm trying to take better care of myself which is using up more of my energy and causing me to be irritable and overwhelmed.

She is very similar to me, but I think she thinks that she is exempt from my introversion- since she is my mom. If I don't respond she sends more texts... 'are you ok' , 'did you get a new phone'. So after unsuccessfully hinting and ignoring her I basically told her I need to be left alone. We are not a confrontational family; very passive-aggressive. I tried to be assertive but not mean. I think I hurt her feelings. I feel guilty because her and my dad took care of my dog for years..... really took care of him waking up at night to let him outside taking him to the vet. And they are there for me when I need them.

Now I'm regretting it. Was this mean? Am I being selfish?

I don't think you are being selfish or mean, but is it possible that you used a harsh tone with her? If yes, then you can say you're sorry for the way you talked to her and that you were busy. She'll get over it anyway...

You're not supposed to be constantly texting your mother. Not that you can't, but usually both sides have stuff to do and are possibly busy with their partners or other people. At least, I always think parents are supposed to step back from their grownup children's lives. From your words she even sounds a bit needy (or maybe overprotective in an intrusive way), tbh.

Retirement is hard to get used to. It sounds like she is bored, however that is no reason to intrude in your life.

Maybe you should just turn your phone off during times when you don't want to be disturbed. And maybe have a chat with your mom about the reasons you need quiet time. I'm sure if you explain it calmly she will understand and not get her feelings hurt.

I try not to bother my daughter much but I'm always glad to get a text from her. I hope you and your mother can work this out so both of you can feel good.

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I totally get the feeling that your mom is still trying to micromanage your life really. I get that feeling with my mom as well - even though I know she just wants to keep updated.

I like texting. It lets me communicate, but I don't get (as) upset when someone doesn't reply ASAP - because they might be busy. And if I don't want to reply right away... they have no way to know that I wasn't busy.

I found that if I initiate the messages with my mom when I do have the time... well, it goes easier. I can control the topic, and when I'm done I can say that I have to go do X.

Depending on the person I can get upset if they don't reply.

Texting is amazing as it substitutes some calls. I think I'm excessively formal/distant on the phone as it makes me feel distressed, but no one can tell that by reading me instead of listening to me.

Yeah.... I do get sad when I don't get a reply quickly, but at least I can go "well they might be in the washroom" "they're at work so almost certainly working!" "they might be making supper" etc. Which makes it tons easier!

When I get nervous on the phone I forget to say the things that I need to say. For things that can't be avoided.... I have to rehearse it in my head a lot, and frequently call and hang up before it gets to a machine or answered! lol.