A nightmare

A nightmare.
A don't want to call the attention. Neither for good or bad.
I think that's the reason for me to develop perfectionism traits. It's not that I want to project a marvellous image of myself, better than the others. It's because I need to do things like any other person to be unnoticed.

I lived one of the worst nightmare for an avoidant or someone with social phobia.
When I was going to school this morning, I was praying for not being noticed bc of my physical change. My partner said: this is impossible.

The thing is that my ****ing hairdresser ( now my ****ing ex hairdresser) had the brilliant idea to paint my hair...let's see how I can describe the color bc I don't think there are words to describe this color. I don't think anyone has this color: peach orange? Chicken yellow?
And I didn't dare to tellhim that I didn't like it. I followed his flow. The only thing more risky I told him is "now, I see myself pretty strange".

I can understand why you're upset, but colored hair seems to be the "in thing" right now.
Is the the color permanent, maybe you can color over it?

I'm indeed going to color it again but it was a really nightmare.
My four-year-old kids repeated in the school: why...? Why? Why?
There wasn't another tópic to talk about in the school today. I only wanted to go back home or someone curtting my head off.

Not really the same but this brought up a memory...

Last year, I wore a black dress to school. And yellow tights. My students called me a bumblebee all day! I was horribly embarrassed, but we ended up talking about how styles of dress are different in different cities/countries - and I wanted to dress more like I would in the city I loved living in. A few apologized on their own - which I was embarrassed about too because I didn't want to make them feel bad and I did think it was a funny observation! One of the kids asked if I had purple tights.

So the next day, I wore purple tights. lol.

It's horrible bc how is it possible you don't call the attention in a school? Kids are always paying attention to what you wear, how you comb your hair and what you have and do.
I asked some of my kids for not talking about my hair and one of them was along a long while saying to me: ginger...ginger...ginger. He was only joking with me.
It doesn't bother to me what kids do but I waited at the end of the day for all went back home and only then, I went out of the school.

Yeah, kids can be brutal! But they can also be sweet. I was having a terrible day the other day, looked like a wreck... and one of my kids said that they thought my hair was really pretty that day. I didn't believe them, but it was sweet of them to say.

Then again, if you go to work and are feeling sick.... you can get the "Ms, you look awful!". "Thanks, I'm aware of that!" but yeah.

They are funny and brutally honest! Lol!

That's why I am afraid of small children.... too much honesty and no filter.

Interesting! However, I always felt more comfortable with kids than adults. It's very rare a kid rejects someone. They can make a criticism and they will do it in their own "language" but in the end, they care about the important.

@ Red: I would like to know your opinion. Are you more comfortable with kids? And if so, why?

Disagree. Kids can be very cruel. Bullying still happens

I was never accepted by my classmates as a kid, which I think is the main cause of my AvPD.

I remember one time another kid (also a bit of an "outsider") didn't want to sit next to me because she was scared people would laugh at her.

Maybe it's different with adults but the statement that kids hardly ever reject someone really struck a nerve.

I just can't see kids as being cruel or 'honest'. Well, cruel yes sometimes... but in a different and pretty specific context. They get beliefs and paradigms from the adult world shoved down their throats and ears and simply repeat it. There's no honesty, but lack of self-criticism and reflection towards very rigid concepts they didn't make themselves.

When a kid says "i like this" or "I think this is ugly", it's something. But when they tease or bully someone for being fat, for example, it's not a mere perception, they're replicating a pattern they have no maturity to question and possibly got validated before by adults, the TV or media in general. I often notice that kids who react more aggressively or intrusively to unknown stuff have parents that will react just the same way.

It's the same thing of saying a child is 'wise' because they are always asking "why?". To an extent they're only testing the use of the word, testing where's applicable. It's a learning phase and kids test the use of words, the way they can provocate feelings and reactions in other people. Even the use words like "odd", "ugly" or "strange" to refer to things that caught their attention can taken as a "test".

Teenagers, on the other hand, freak me out. They're over this "testing" thing and they feel powerful when they group up even though everything they might say is stupid. I hate crossing groups of teenagers.

I think fantasy colored hair is really cute!