It's My Son

Hi. First time poster. Hope you all are well. My 8-year old son, though not officially diagnosed, has behavioral characteristics consistent with AvPD. They include:

- extreme sensitivity to rejection
- self-hatred for small setbacks
- self-hatred for feeling self-hatred for small setbacks
- isolation, reluctance to be social
- use Always/Never statements that are not logically true
- engages in circular conversations

It's hard to talk with him about it, because he's super smart and very aware of his condition, which makes the cycle continue.

I'm writing to ask if anyone could offer coping mechanisms or techniques they have used successfully, even if just a little. We've actually had some success, good progress even, but have plateaued. The underlying condition remains. Thanks in advance for any advice.

U

Have you tried to talk with a psychologist specialized in children?
I think this is the right person to help you.

I'm not pointing out any, ok. Only asking: do any of you, the father or you are a bit obssessive or strict?
I don't know. I need more details.

Can you describe situations where you recognize his pathological behaviour?

How are you and his father as parents? Just out of curiosity too.

I didn't have strict parents, but I remember feeling pressured to be independent and to never fail, as both of them worked full-time and I didn't want to be a nuisance. I also wasn't a planned child and I know, even if they don't blame me for it, that messed up with their lives a bit.

There is all the hope in the world that your son can gain the self confidence and esteem that will help him rise out of these problems. He is so young. Just recognizing these behaviors is already a step forward.

It is hard for me to offer advice, because I shared the same symptoms as your son at 8 years old and I am still overcoming my problems at 27. I have never been diagnosed with AvPD, although I have every symptom of it, so I browse this forum sometimes.

Building self esteem and seeing his own strengths would be of great help - and then to be able to contradict his always/nevers by reminding him of the times he was successful.

I have an idea that might sound strange at first, but: enroll him in a Karate dojo with a good reputation for working with children - and a good reputation in general. My little brother joined a small, privately owned Goju-Ryu dojo, and the Sensei was extremely supportive of children, there were even some mentally disabled kids there (my brother included). It is very important to find the right Sensei, me and my mom lucked out for my brother.

Each person is treated at their own pace, and the sensei(s) and older belts offer support and encouragement. Private classes would be available, so that your son would not feel competitive with other children around.

The spirit of Karate is self discipline, self love/respect, pride, enrichment, and personal growth. A good dojo can become like a second family - that is how it happened with me, my mom, and my little brother. We felt like a part of a big family. Much emotional support and understanding of personal difficulties. I always felt safe there, I could leave my apartment and go sit and watch.

I went on a little longer than I should have about karate, but I wanted to offer a possibility.

If not that idea, have you considered counseling? Or since you believe he is very intelligent for his age, actually asking him how he feels about seeing a counselor?

Personality disorders are not clinically diagnosed in children and teens.

My nephew had those traits when he was eight. He is now a well adjusted adult with plenty of friends, successful intimate relationships and good work relationships.

Your eight year old is acting like an eight year old!!!

If you are not seeking help from a mental health provider FOR YOURSELF please do so ASAP.