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Newly Joined
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1
8 |
#1
I'm a Registered Nurse working in Paediatric Intensive Care. I finished university nearly 4 years ago after completing a double degree in a Bachelor of Applied Science (Exercise and Sport Science) and a Master of Nursing.
I am considered a very attractive girl/woman who throughout adolescence and adulthood always had male attention. I had my first boyfriend aged 16 of which the relationship lasted 2 years, ending due to my overwhelming insecurity. I dated and had romantic interest but was against being in another relationship due to the way it made me feel like I always had to be on guard. I entered into another relationship aged 22 lasting nearly 1 year. I choose partners of whom possess qualities I find successful and attractive - such as unmatched intelligence, outgoingness or physical attractiveness due to the way I think it reflects on me. Superficial interactions and relationships are generally easy for me but I pull away at the first sign of anything deeper where I may reveal flaws or become vulnerable. I am an only child conceived through IVF, my parents were 36 and 41 respectively when I was born. I was never directly abused by them (and for the most part their marriage has been a happy one - they have recently celebrated 42 years of marriage)but during early childhood due to financial and career stress my parents would fight and drink every night and at times I would bare the brunt of verbal abuse. Although I know deep down my parents love me and would do anything for me, they did not compliment me in my young years and any positive achievement i.e. scoring 97% on a test was met with 'well what was the 3% you got wrong'. I have recently had flashbacks of my paternal uncle (now deceased) sexually abusing me as a child. I have debilitating self image issues despite positive feedback from others. I have massive issues with sex and intimacy and find it extremely difficult to relax and enjoy. I am acutely aware of my body during sex. I have only had 2 sexual partners (the boyfriends listed above). I have become isolated and 'enjoy' my own company largely - because I feel that's the only time I don't have to be on guard. I have recently (over 2 years) gained 20kg through being sedentary and binge eating. I am now working out with a trainer but still self sabotage through food - food is a comfort and produces a response I can rely on - it will always make me feel happy and safe whereas other things, like relationships, are unpredictable. It has only been in the last few months - since returning from a 7 week holiday with 2 friends from work to Europe, on a tour with 44 people - that I have come to realise how avoidant I am. People I was with said their initial impression of me was a disinterested snob (as I was so quiet and withdrawn). I spent my days looking at the other girls who I thought were more attractive than me and outgoing and wanting to be like them. At nights I would drink in excess and act promiscuously. Do you think I have AvPD? What are your stories+coping mechanisms? |
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![]() Fuzzybear, Skeezyks
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,438
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#2
Welcome to pc
![]() I think you may have "traits" of AvPD but probably not the disorder (but I'm no doctor, I'm just fuzzy ![]() ![]() __________________ ![]() |
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#3
Hello combatqueen: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here.
Unfortunately I am not in a position to comment on your question. However I would presume that there will be other members here who will. Please also check out the Personality Place Forum Personality Place - Forums at Psych Central as well as its sub-forums for additional information. My best wishes to you... __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2015
Location: somewhere
Posts: 252
9 |
#4
From what you wrote it doesn't seem you have AvPD. There's this checklist with the fitting criteria. Not saying it's accurate or could dismiss a visit to a professional, but you seem far from most of the criteria for AvPD.
You surely have issues with self-steem and trauma that make you avoid people, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're an avoidant. |
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