Introversion & AvPD, or actually narcissism? Please help

Hey everyone. I am severely OCD and anxious and have been loosely described as AvPD by my therapists, although not officially diagnosed.
I just recently read a lot about "covert narcissism" online and am terrified that it describes myself. It said there was a link between covert narcissism and introversion for sure, and I may have been thinking I was AvPD this whole time when in reality I'm just really narcissistic. I kind of want your opinions on this as people who have AvPD....What is the real difference between AvPD and extreme introversion, vs. Covert narcissism?
Some of my symptoms:
I constantly feel fake when I'm with others. I always feel like I need to put on a front, both to hide my inner anxiety and to get approval from others. I'm terrified of rejection/criticism. If I am in trouble for something, I am more likely to lie/wiggle my way out of it than accept the blame. If I had a really great day, I will come home after work and exaggerate to my boyfriend why I had such a great day, and same for if I had a very bad day. I have a constant need to be interesting/accepted by him. So I am an exaggerator, almost compulsively. Like I can't control it sometimes.
I hate the fact that my boyfriend drinks and I get extremely passive aggressive when he drinks..like silent treatments, rolling my eyes at things he says, showing obvious contempt with him, etc. When I am out with him and his friends (who all drink) I sometimes start to feel like I am better than them, or smarter than them for not drinking. I don't have any friends who don't drink that I hang out with, and I usually end up getting angry and feeling uncomfortable at social gatherings. I hope someday I will find a group of friends that doesn't drink, but I worry that this can be equated with the narcissists idea that they can only associate with "certain, elite" people.
I occasionally have grandiose fantasies, for example, I like to sing karaoke and sometimes I imagine myself singing on stage. I imagine myself getting a great car next year and being an expert in my field.
Since I have OCD, I am obsessing constantly. Most of my obsessions revolve around myself so I do end up being very self absorbed. I have convinced myself that I have selfish reasons for everything I do and feel like a horrible person.
Lastly, being extremely introverted and OCD has led me to feel like I am different than others, and not understood. I do feel like I'm a deep thinker, and always thought I was an intellectual...but am I really? Or am I just having grandiose ideas about myself that aren't based off anything tangible.
Sometimes I feel like I really want friends, but other times I feel like I'm better off without friends, because making/having friends takes a lot of energy. I'm extremely afraid I don't want friends because I secretly feel that I'm better than other people...like I said I occasionally do think that about people who drink (IDK why I do it) or like I feel they wouldn't "understand" me (whatever that means)
Also, if I know that someone has criticized me in the past, even if the criticism is legitimate, I always hold a tiny grudge against them and am even more reluctant to get to know them.
I also can get jealous easily
I'm really freaking out about this and really need opinions/someone to talk to about this because my OCD is not easing up on this and I'm stuck in endless thought loops about it that go nowhere. I can't see my therapist for forever and you guys have been so helpful to me in sorting through my obsessions in the past!

I was thinking avpd

The blame thing is what would make me think not AvPD. Avoidant people blame themselves for everything, and even if there is no logical way they can take the blame, they find something they can take responsibility for.

This is a list of qualities of a 'covert narcissist.' It seems to fit your description.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ert-narcissist

Yes. I am reluctant to take blame because I am terrified of rejection. Deep down I take the blame and blame myself 1000 times. But it's all an image thing. I don't get it.

All anxiety type personality issues are somewhat similar which can lead to confusion of differences.
I guess the main difference is the individual in his or her propositional attitudes.

There would be other influences to this such as at what age these anxieties first made impact to the individual because early learned coping methods would be different to someone who has later onset anxiety. Other mental/physical issues would also add into the equation of personality shaping.

What I am trying to say poorly is anxiety can look the same but it's the shaping of the person due to their experiences and mental attitude which makes their personality.

I don't know much about narcissism (not even if I spelled it correctly) so I have a question...

Would a narcissist worry about being a narcissist?

Absolutely. They always want everyone to think well of them, so they downplay any negative aspects, including the label "narcissist."

It depends why they worry about being narcissistic.

If people worry that their self-absorption will have a negative impact on themselves, that's narcissistic.

If they worry that their self-absorption will have a negative impact on other people, then it's not.

Definitely. Anxiety can have avoidant aspects, but to go as deep as a personality disorder one needs to have had chronic emotional child abuse of some sort to trigger it.

I said personality "issues"��

I do feel like my self absorption is ruining my life and so I care about its impact on myself... but I also tell myself I care about other people and that I'm empathetic and don't want to hurt them but I'm worried that is just masking the worry that they will leave Me and I'll be alone forever :/

Maybe you need to feel more loved by them... feeling hurt and frustrated leads you to chip them with disapproving looks and comments.

I think your psych would have picked up long ago if you had NPD.