[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hey guys

I've been recently diagnosed with AVPD, and I had absolutely no idea that I have it. And I won't get into details (despite me loving to do so about everything ever), so I'll just discuss one thing with you:

Do you mask up your feelings? I do it a lot to the point that I begin to doubt my conditions. How about you?

All the time. I pretend or try to be sociable (less so as I get older) but when anyone invites me to something or tries to get closer to me, I panic and make excuses. I've lost a lot of friends and opportunities that way, throughout fear. Now I accept what I'm like and just focus on a few very close friends, who also have some sort of MI like me and we can relate to each other better because we understand how it feels. I find NT people difficult. I also take meds and see a t regularly, which helps.

[gayleggg]

I do my best to mask my feelings. Act happy when I'm crying inside. I don't know if I'm good enough to fool everyone but for the most part I stay pretty hidden.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

I'm so sorry for your struggles, Little Cat and gayleggg

I understand how you feel, and I tend to really hide things as well. And for me, in order to hide things, I transit myself into another reality just to blend in with others, like how actors do when they rehearse a scene or when they're performing it. The only person who knows about this in real life is my friend, and with him I don't hide things at all, and all I find is me just being completely silent and sad. Comparing things to how it was before telling my friend, I was always talking and laughing, but he soon began to see a pattern to everything and told me to admit what I'm feeling, which I did eventually, but even then I denied it and said that nothing is wrong at all.

And I don't know, but do you ever feel "used to it"? As in, you've been feeling this way for a long time that it became a routine and that you've forgotten what happiness is (whether you have depression or not)?

[maruf]

Expressing my native, deep feelings makes me feel embarrassed later. Besides, I must be sure that the people to whom I'm communicating with understand and worth my feelings. But my lack of trust on people makes me introvert and avoidant.

[AzulOscuro]

I'm not very good at masking my feelings and fears but I try to do it all the time.
It was worse when I was young. I tried to seem normal so badly.