Do you tell others about yourself?

I've been dx'd w/personality disorder NOS w/avoidant features - not exactly APD, but close. Last year, I told my T that over the years, I've gradually stopped telling others about myself because I have never had the feeling anyone cares what I do or what I feel about things. Consequently, my sentences w/family members or the occasional friend get shorter and shorter. My T says I give people the impression I don't want to be approached. (I was complaining that there are times I try to get involved in activities w/others, but no one seems anxious to let me in.)

Is this an avoidant issue or something else? When I try to get involved and no one lets me in, that reinforces my hesitancy to approach others to avoid being rejected. I feel a little beat up by my T re: this issue.

What do others do? Is this something you experience as your avoidance?

I don't share much about myself with anyone. I'm like you, it just didn't seem like they cared. Your therapist could be right. Maybe we do give off that impression. I know I don't have any friends to share stuff with now. I used to have one friend that cared and I shared with her but she died and left me alone. I don't even share with my husband.

I think what you're doing is very all or nothing. People don't talk only about themselves. If you don't talk about anything else and everything you say about yourself is clipped, then your therapist is probably on to something.

How I get out of it is by talking about something other than me. I'll talk about something I went out and did, something I saw, that sort of thing, and avoid talking about myself. My reputation is that I always have a good story to tell but keep my personal life close to the vest.

You say sometimes you try to get involved. Why and when? If it's random, then people will expect you to behave as you normally do, standoffish. If you rebuff people when they approach you, they will feel exactly as you do now and will not subject themselves to it.

I meet with my family at least once a year. It used to be at least twice but I've dropped one. I prep myself mentally ahead of time for it, and pace myself so I can take breaks as I need them throughout, and not get stuck in long conversations with any one person. Because I do that, if I run into any of them throughout the whole rest of the year they consider it a happy accident (go figure) and it's a minute or so of 'nice to see you' and off we go on our merry ways. Because I've put this effort in, if for some reason (I can't imagine) I'd want to meet up with any of them throughout the year, I'd be accepted with open arms. In theory.

How that all works with my avoidance is, I feel obligated and unworthy of disappointing people, which is why I go at all, and I don't talk to myself. I don't think I have extreme social anxiety however. That could be a part of what's going on with you. If it is, check in at that forum for tips on how to get over the hump of interacting at all. If you can't force yourself to talk about something even if it's not yourself, then this plan won't work very well for you.

"The less i say, the longer i can stay"

I never talk about myself since there aint much to talk about. Its like you say the sentences gets very short and I am also very emberrassed over my life in general so I dont want normal people to judge me based on the fact that I really dont have a life.

My last job that I had for 3 years my co workers pretty much only knew that I lived by myself, no kids and family far apart

Could you maybe try to approach the situation forcing yourself to make you believe they want to hear about you?

I find that most people like to talk about themselves. I go into social situations prepared to ask questions of the people I interact with. I sometimes ask questions I have no real interest in, but sometimes I will get interested. Basic questions like where do you work, what do you do there, how long, what do you like about it? or where did you grow up? small town or country or city? what did you like about it, do you like living here, what do you do for fun.

I talk very less about myself. When I do, I later get confused 'whether the person has properly understood what I meant', 'I could have talked to him in a different way' etc etc, and I even feel embarrassed for talking about myself, and as a result I become even more silent. I think your therapist is right. We make ourselves such that people think we don't want to be talked to. So people avoid us.

I do what you do. But, apparently, it backfires as it becomes a one-sided conversation and I go back to therapy w/nothing to say except, I talked to so-and-so last week (when I should say, so-and-so talked to me...)

I am, also, an HSP (or SPS as they term it now). Makes it even harder for us avoidant types.

I am an HSP too! I definitely give off an unapproachable vibe, not on purpose but maybe more of a subconscious defense mechanism. All of my coworkers and classmates comment frequently on what a private person I am. I think that I have more intense feelings about things than most people do and others can't relate/probably get weirded out when I express that in conversation about casual small talk type subjects that shouldn't really involve much emotion

Yes we have deeper feelings than others, yet we are often viewed as silent, 'less feeling' type guys.

I always feel that by 'coming out' I call more attention to myself than I want to deal with! First, very seldom has anyone I come in contact with ever heard of personality disorders. Trying to give a condensed version is impossible AND I wonder if the poor person is plagued with trying to figure out how to 'deal' with my situation. It is nice to be able to let someone you frequently deal with know that it's 'you' not them!

I know what you mean. Couldn't it be that you are unconsciously giving the message that you are afraid of being involved in?
Our body language talks a lot about ourselves. And people can catch it even when it could be only in an uncobsciously lebel.

No I don't

I think this is true, and it sucks

i barely ever talk outside of here, unless I'm being weird or drunk... but then its not about myself, usually about other things like getting high or drunk - i just find i don't have much to say

I barely talk outside of here either
(People irl I find rarely want to talk to bears, it's hard to bear )

Part of me wants to disclose everything, but by doing that, do I put the person in the uncomfortable position of trying to figure out how to 'deal' with my problem? Most of the time, I don't know how to deal with it...how the heck would someone that's never heard of it cope? I usually wait to see if something comes up I can't handle, then try to explain my situation. ***or, more likely, go into hiding!!***

I tell a few people (but I do not tell them everything )

I cannot afford to tell people anything who are capable of getting within arms reach because they inevitably use whatever they are told against me. When I speak, I'm only arming my abusers.

I used to have trouble talking to others. One of the women I dated broke up with me "because you don't talk enough.". That's when I decided I was going to talk more when on a date. Not monopolize the conversation, mind you, but at least hold up my end of the conversation. I think it's worked, I have have had a few relationships since then. Take a chance on talking, it's better than not talking at all.