anger v sadness

This is a pretty good video explaining how they're linked:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wfdz...heSchoolofLife

The basic argument is that depression is caused by anger that has been ignored and stifled, and that when people can't remember the sources of their anger, it leeches throughout everything and they become depressed. So the 'cure' is to acknowledge the source of the anger and then deal with it, in a nutshell.

In my experience, that sounds great, but I do remember the details. And when I've confronted someone, saying this is when you lied, and this is when you betrayed me, and this is when you've had double standards, giving someone else a free pass while you've taken me to task, it doesn't work out.

Other people, apparently, will have the misdeeds acknowledged and appropriate amends will be made. In my experience, it gets turned around onto me, so that I am blamed for it (come on, you should have known I was lying, it was your fault if you believed me) or any individual betrayal I might have done cancels out all that were done to me (apparently I'm a killer when I let someone down but have to have the thickest skin in the world when it comes to when others do the same to me).

It's the double standard that really gets to me though, because it's across the board with everyone. My family of origin, my original abusers, yeah obviously they treat me differently than normal people. I wouldn't have AvPD if that wasn't the case. But everyone does it. Apparently everyone else is eligible to be forgiven no matter how awful their misdeeds are. That's why people get released from prison after they've served their time. But me, I don't get second chances. So it doesn't matter if I somehow learn to give myself a break, no one else will allow it. No wonder AvPD is forever.

Another thing that I don't understand. Again - my family of origin, they're completely messed up, I get that it's not right they feel this way, but they do, and that's all there is to it. But other people also seem to think I'm ineligible to have normal human experiences, like anger and pain. Like there were chips passed out upon birth - you get to be angry when someone's done you wrong, and you get to be angry, but this one over here does not.

There is a platitude that you teach others how to treat you. I think that's blame the victim crap. But who knows, maybe it's right. Maybe I'm depressed because I can't express my anger, I can't express my anger because I'm not allowed to, and I'm not allowed to because I've somehow taught people that it's okay to treat me like that.

Maybe this is a form of depression and only for some people. I am very suspicious of connection makings like these since you can connect almost anything in the world of psyche and still come up with sensible outcome. Dont get me wrong Im not trying to disprove anything, I actually like this connection, a new one on my list of psyche exploring.
Though it would be a blessing if the cause of my depression were that simple. In most cases depression is just depression, a state of mind. Maybe disharmony with external world or some of its aspects.

There is depression due to brain chemical imbalances, which would need medical intervention. However, PD's are not brain chemical imbalances, they are a person's personality. Depression is common for people with PD's due to their life circumstances, but it's not always present.

One way someone with a PD could avoid depression, if this video is correct, could be to express anger instead of stuffing it away. (There's also the loneliness component of AvPD, which can also cause depression, but that's another story.)

The problem is getting up the gumption to say something when someone else does you wrong. You have to feel secure and worthy to speak up, which is hard for a person with AvPD, or at the end of your rope. And if that somehow happens, then the people you're talking to have to be receptive.

So, really interesting idea I think, that depression can be more due to unexpressed anger than sadness, but that doesn't help you if you can't speak up or the people you need to speak up to aren't responsive.

Some people believe that anger can be expressed even if the other person in non-receptive or even not available (thru death or distance or losing track of them). In my experience people who mistreat others over and over are not real receptive to being confronted about it, but that doesn't mean that I have to stay depressed or angry forever.