I'm always avoiding

Hello,

I spend all my days inside the house. I go out sometimes for chores, a class, shops and visit to my doctor and dentist. I hate going out. I don't hate people, honestly. But I'm scared of being looked at and laughed at.

I'm sorry, this sounds very painful. And I'm sorry no one has replied yet to your post. This particular forum is often very quiet.

Maybe some people might laugh because somebody seems different, I don't know. But I think those who would laugh have a bigger problem.

I'm sending kind thoughts

Hi Glitterwolf,

I am sorry that you are experiencing a life of avoidance. It is very difficult. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder as well and I am so sorry you have to live like this.

When you ARE out and about, do you feel a pressing need to return to your home, or are you able to fight that urge and stay out a little bit longer? I assume you have tried to break this lifestyle in the past? If so, how did it go? Were you able to make headway? Did you get hurt when you tried? What do you do when you are at home? Do you ever feel conflicting emotions, some positive and some negative? Like a part of you that wants to get out of your home and explore the world, and another part of you that says to stay and be safe?

I wish I had answers as to how to break out of this pattern of behavior, but I am stuck in it as well. I have been forcing myself out to social events, trying to be gentle with myself through the whole process of change, but it is SO very difficult. Sometimes I end up in tears after a day of being out and about. I find that I can get out of my apartment and live life for a few good months at most and then I retreat back to living in isolation and avoiding everything and everyone.. Then I get sick of isolating and so I force myself out and then I repeat the cycle...

Do you relate to that?

I hope you are having a good day. And Fuzzy Bear is right, this part of the forums is quiet, which is too bad because this disorder is debilitating.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you for this. I cannot even imagine a few months of getting out and socializing. In all of my 42 years i cant even keep doctors appoinments or therapy appointments for fear of socializing and not knowing what to say and just being so uncomfortable even in a store going up to the cashier. I have actually left my cart in the aisle and walked out instead of having a conversation with people in the line or the cashier.
I dont know how to get out of this but i want to find a way and i am looking for suggestions as to what i can do. I cant be getting older and older and not helping myself. Ineed support and suggestions from this group as to how i can break out of this shell i am in and some baby steps i can take to move forward.

I’m sending more hugs

This is an awfully quiet forum. I check in every day but few comments are added. Lol, it would be quirky if indeed that were happening because of avoidance issues.

In general I am a pretty avoidant person it seems with traits of this disorder. I dislike confronting others and unfortunately I may be more passive aggressive at times or just avoid someone, and that’s usually easiest. Dislike being judged and observed when presenting and can’t even work in my past profession since a past boss was vicious and nit picked every little thing I did when I gave a presentation. Then later I find out I’m almost autistic and can’t help that I’m not good at public speaking and social interaction. My brilliant oh so intelligent past boss (extreme sarcasm) was so wonderful to work with, what a way to find out, get bullied, take neuropsychological evaluation and find out oh you have this learning difference.

My boss sounds a lot like your former boss, zapatoes. I am glad that you don't have that toxicity in your life anymore.



I don't think anyone would figure me for being avoidant, but when I read through the descriptions in the info page, it all falls in line. I don't get out except to work - I don't even go grocery shopping if I can avoid it. I even have a hard time visiting family, and they have always been loving and supportive. I am a difficult person to know, though not deliberately. I am the kind you can work with for five years and still not know my middle name or where my parents live.



For most all my life I have had a problem with frequently feeling disconnected from my body and my environment - do any other 'avoidants' have this problem? I haven't been diagnosed depers/dereal, but then again, I haven't really told any of my counselors about it. I have never felt 'hyper aware' of my surroundings, though, and anxiety tends to make me space out even more than I normally do.

I had an extreme case of AvPD where I barely left the house or interacted with others for over a decade. I was so concerned with what people would think of me, that I just didn't want to deal with their judgment. Earlier this year I finally had a mental health assessment, was diagnosed as having AvPD, and was told "it's all in your head, it's your own fault, there's nothing we can do for you, good luck." It was my worst case scenario come true.

A weird thing happened on my walk home that day. I realized that while being judged sucked, I really didn't care about the personal opinion of someone who spoke to me for 5 minutes. I decided to use the session as motivation and forced myself out of my own comfort zone. It was basically an "I turn to you for help, but you don't want to help me? Fine. Screw you, I'll help myself." It's taken time and patience, but I finally crawled out of the muck last month and got a job for the first time in years. I find the more I put myself in uncomfortable situations, the easier those situations become with time.

It's kind of weird suddenly having confidence after so many years trapped in my own home, and head. It's like I forgot that I had a choice to not let things get to me. I still go through stages where I'm a little withdrawn, but I find the more time I spend around people, the less introverted I become, and the more comfortable I am around others. It's... weird. Liberating, but weird.

If you deal with it, things can get better, so have hope and patience. If I can crawl out of the rut I found myself in, anyone can.

Regarding that you sometimes feel disconnected from your body and environment, in the past I have felt this way when extremely stressed at work and/or in stressful social situation.

I hate doing stuff like dentist, shopping, orthodontist (wearing braces), because its so BORING!!!!!

I dont care what random ppl thinks about me. I will see them only once in my life usually and it will be forgotten very fast. But I seem to care what my family thinks about me or ppl that know me well.

When i am doing stuff on my own I feel free, I can come across as a stupid guy etc. I just dont care. But when I am with someone from my family, I am becoming self-conscious and feel like if I say something stupid it will be remembered in my family.

I've heard from my family, I am stupid,laughing at me not once. I am no longer in a contact with my 2 brothers and my father. Once we had to move furniture and my brother said I am too stupid for that, he was very serious.

I was helping my father often, and one day I've heard him saying behind my back I am useless. It was painful for me then, because I've heard I am stupid/useless so often that I started to believe this. The good side of this story is, it was a very good therapy i've heard so many times that i am stupid, that now I just dont care Thanks to my family for teaching me how to not give a fuc.k

Now I focus more on feelings. I feel like the feelings are more important than stuff like intelligence, appearance(I am handsome tho ) etc. I am trying to feel good, happy, proud etc. and I think I am good at it

you don't sound like you have Avoidant Personality MrGuermo. Glad your doing well though.
Caring what others think about you is pretty key to the diagnosis.. and it's not situational - it's all the time with everyone. Pervasive.