New here - A little intro

Hello. I am new here. Female in my late 40's. I have been tortured by social anxiety/Avpd for, what seems like, my entire life. It has impacted/destroyed every corner of my life to one degree or another. Always being on guard against being judged or criticised, in most cases unnecessarily, is exhausting. I wasn't able to complete university, haven't been able to hold down a job long-term, haven't had a long-term, fulfilling relationship with the opposite sex. It is like I can only let people in up to a certain point. Then I withdraw or reject the person/situation before I can be rejected. Like a typical Avpd, I am not likely to try new things. Therefore, I feel like a shell with no interests or hobbies. I can honestly say that I have never felt joy, happiness, or excitement for anything in life. Every experience is clouded by apprehension, anxiety, and negative thoughts. Except for sometimes when I have been drinking. Only then do the thoughts subside and I feel like I can let the real me out. A magnified version of me maybe, but it is liberating at the time. Of course, the backlash is always horrible. It is only my fear of being judged that has kept me from being a heavy drinker. Anyways, this is just a quick introduction. Hope to be able to chat with some of you in the chatroom soon. By the way, does a reply to a post count as a post?

I believe its the amount of times you post not our replies that allow you to reach chat-room availability...but I'm sure people much wiser than me can confirm that for you.

Welcome Can't

Welcome to the forum, always good to see new people here! I am in pretty much the same situation, although a bit younger (Mid 30's). If you want some one to talk to and share things (always good to know people are in the same situation) let me know. Hope you have a great sunday!

Welcome to psych central

Hello.

I just noticed your post this weekend. Unfortunately, but perhaps not surprisingly, this (AvPD) subforum doesn't see a lot of activity. I mostly frequent the related forums for anxiety and depression. But maybe we can generate some traffic here.

I'm in my late 40s as well, and I can really relate to most of what you said. Although until recently, I was able to maintain some hobbies fairly well. Sadly, they were solo activities for the most part.

As for posting, anything you post counts towards the total, regardless of whether it's a reply or not. Other people's replies to you don't count. It's not hard to get to five. Just tell us your favorite ice cream or something.

Sorry, I don't do live chat myself. It makes me anxious. But there are lots of others. Welcome to PC.

I would be glad to chat with you. I have been diagnosed with PTSD but I also have traits of avpd. I got through school with white knuckles, but now I am homebound with anxiety. I am on disability. I also feel like I have fought this all my life. Now at 58 yo, I am tired of fighting it. I have no friends, no family and I isolate 24/7. I do feel loneliness and wish for people to chat with.

Hey i just read your post i am new to this and finally found the name for what i have had all my life but didnt know it was APD i am 42 years old and same like u i rather chat online i am to anxious to talk to people in person. I would love to chat with u anytime on here. i am on SSi dissabilty, dont work and stay home 24 hours a day. i wish i wasnt like this and would like to find small steps i can take to get myself out of this

A belated welcome