Stranger at my door

So, it's thursday night, I was relaxing in my apartment when the doorbell rang. I live alone and I never open the door unless I'm expecting visitors. Since I'm feeling optimostic and am determined to get better I went ahead and opened. There was a woman collecting money for charity. I usually donate money on every occasion but this just overwhelmed me. I got really anxious and wanted her to leave. So I told her a bunch of lies (my go-to strategy) why I can't donate. She kept pushing and trying to persuade me and that really pissed me off. The only way to make her leave was to become more harsh than I'm used to being. But as soon as I closed the door I started beating myself up about why I couldn't just sign her stupid list. I ended up crying and harming myself. Has anyone else had a similar experience? What did you do? Is there any way to cope?

I'm sorry you had this disturbing experience. I have not had this sort of experience... at least not recently enough that I could remember. Nowadays I almost never open the door to anyone. There's no one I need or want to talk to...

Seems there is no winning sometimes...
I have, in the past, been too easily convinced to partake in one thing or another, which I immediately regretted.
Strange is too mild a word for the things anxiety can lead you to do...or not do.

I think it’s “normal” to resist being pressured in that sort of manner, I wouldn’t beat myself up for growling at that woman (in the unlikely event I opened the door to her)

Maybe she couldn’t cope with her job.....

The thing to remember is that you didn't initiate the situation & that you tried to resolve it without conflict - the lady ignored the polite signals & kept pushing, eventually reaping the consequences. I hate conflict & do my utmost to avoid it, but I no longer allow myself to feel bad, when someone pushes too far - the onus is on them to read the situation & act appropriately.

Yes. I live in a condo and for some odd reason people feel it is perfectly acceptable to just knock on my door at any time per day. One time when I first came here I was in my PJs early (no bra) and someone rang my doorbell. It was my next-door neighbor. I assumed there must be some emergency so I opened the door. She just wanted to shoot the breeze. I let her in because my cat kept trying to get out but it was obvious I had no bra on and was not exactly in the presentation for visitors. When she left I was furious with myself because I am sure she thought I was weird being dressed like that so early but really it was HER who should be upset with herself for not being like "oh this isn't a good time".

Then the last two times someone has come to my door the exact same thing happened. I was either in my PJs (came later) OR, one time I was literally undressing ( I hate when I come home and enter my condo and someone takes that as the time to come talk). Both times I had to open the door as they just kept ringing the doorbell. I got upset with both and I felt bad later... but I don't see why people have to come to my door without giving me even the slightest heads up. And then, if you ring the bell twice and no one comes... go away. Not 5 times.

Now I simply won't answer the door.. no matter what.

It is upsetting but it will fade. I have made it clear to several people I know here that it is unacceptable to just show up at my door unless it is an emergency.

Hi Irlein. I fully hear you and, yes, dealing with other people can be very, very frustrating, I'm sorry you had an awful time. For me, if I want an interaction with someone to end, then I just end it. Even if I think I might come off as rude, it doesn't matter, I just end it. You'll feel better about yourself in that respect because you're being honest with yourself. Next time you find yourself in a similar situation, just end it - say 'okay, I have to go now, goodbye' and close the door or walk off, or something like that. It takes practice but it's for the best really Irlein.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I appreciate it