Have always felt I have this, but never diagnosed

Since adolescence I've been terribly shy. I fear rejection, negative appraisal, and ridicule by others. I was never abused by adults as a kid but I do remember intense bullying from peers and have always felt that had a pretty profound effect on me. As an adult I still constantly fear bullying and ridicule even though, realistically, those things don't happen nearly as much at my age. (I'm 42.)

I've carved out a basically functional, low-risk, low-reward kind of life for myself where I hold down a job, pay my rent and bills but lead a basically empty existence. I have a few very safe but not very close friendships, zero romantic or intimate relationships even though I long for them. Change, conflict, meeting new people, taking existing relationships to new levels, embarking on new challenges all terrify me enough to keep me in this place. I'm lonely and miserable but I don't seem to be able to change, or I haven't found the thing yet that helps me change.

Have discussed Avoidant Personality Disorder with all my mental health contacts over the years but none have ever diagnosed me, saying either that they're not qualified to diagnose or they don't think diagnoses of this kind would be helpful. For those who've been diagnosed: do you think it helps? Has it brought you a better understanding of your struggles? Has it opened the door to therapies you might not have gotten otherwise? Grateful for any thoughts.

Maybe your actions could be a symptom of your current diagnoses?
I guess if you draw a line from what you have written above to your current diagnoses it may show that your actions/reactions are the symptoms of your DX.
Sorry, a little bit of home-work for you.

Answering your question. Yep, I found dx helpful but we're treatment resistant.
We believe in reality and not the belief therapy BS, so therapy is going to useless so the psych takes on a different role/s. (whether they know it or not )

Thanks for that reply.

Hmm. I definitely feel like I'm treatment-resistant. I've spent most of my adult life in and out of therapy. Have tried cognitive behavioral, individual talk therapy, support groups, lots of meds. Overall I've found that once the initial novelty and hope of therapy wears off I slide back into my habit of isolation and emotional self-defense.

For all this, aside from obsessive compulsive disorder nobody has ever really given me a mental health diagnosis. (The OCD is a gimme, I used to stay up all night checking door locks, but it's gotten better in recent years.) My psychiatrist treats me - pharmaceutically, I mean - for depression but she's never told me I have chronic depression, and I don't actually think I do. I'm a cancer patient, recently finished treatment, so it's like she's treating me to deal with the stress of that, rather than an underlying mental health issue.

Yeah I dunno. This is probably misguided but oftentimes I wish someone would just diagnose me. Then at least I'd know wtf is wrong with me. I know it wouldn't really make me better, but I'm not getting better anyway, so...