How can I get better?

Hey, I was recently diagnosed with AvPD and dysthymia. My whole life has been a real struggle when being around people. I was in a relationship once but even there I felt wrong and disgustong sometimes and there were also moments were I couldn't bear to be touched or be close to him in general.
Since 5 years now I'm going through therapy. The first therapist I saw for 4-5 years was nice but never really figured out what was wrong with because I showed so many traits of different clusters.
The new one has worked out the hypothesis that it is possibly AvPD with a light case of social anxiety.
Now the problem is that I don't know what to do to get better. I suck at conversations so I already tried working on that by working in a small shop. But after one year of working there it still doesn't work and my small talk skills havent improved the slightest.
Appearantly it takes 2 years to cause remission in symptoms with behavioural and cognitive therapy but in my country Country therapist will only be covering 24h of sessions with a patient. That means I'm ****ed, doesnt it?
We passed the 13th session last week and we still havent gotten anywhere which is just frustrating.And my therapist isnt helpfull at all because last time he said that he doesnt know what to do with me.
So I've hoped that someone in this forum might have an idea on how to work on all this..

Dear Whereto52,

I am so very, very sorry that you are struggling and suffering. That is just heartbreaking. I wish I had the knowledge, experience and wisdom to help but sadly I lack these things especially with regard to AvPD and dysthymia. I hope others here with more insight will read your post and respond with really helpful ideas. So terribly sorry I could not be helpful to you!

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

I am no expert, but maybe you can get a cognitive behavioral therapy workbook and do the exercises on your own. Also, have you tried a support group? They are often free and might help with social skills.

I'm guessing that your Therapist doesn't know what to do with you, because you're lost to who you are.
Learning about the Disorder could be a way to finding yourself...as clique as that sounds.

But how do I find myself? I lost interest in everything and I certainly lost the small fragment of character I had left

I thought of going to a Support group, but I am not sure if that would help me. Even there I would probably feel like an outcast

I wrote this some time ago.
Diagnoses and being ready for change

[QUOTE=Snap66;6814793]I wrote this some time ago.

What do you mean when talking about distractions?

I want to change, I really really want to, but no matter what change I tried to make I would end up right back where I startes while learning nothing. My problems lie with myself, my looks, my intelligence. I dont know how to change any of that. When it comes to character it is pretty much the same. There is nothing special about me.
Im a lousy at conversations and small talk. When talking with someone I barely know, it never works. I will freeze up and just say yes or smile like an idiot.

Allot of people will then sit on the diagnoses without going forward or back and this is because they are still using distraction, always bouncing to the next idea.. always trying to stay one step ahead of the unknown they might use distraction for many years as that all depends on their social situation, till eventually they have run out of excuses. These excuses and distractions don't have the strength they once had so they spiral and go into a dark place.

The lack of excuses, the lack of distractions put you squarely in the hands of your psych.
Now IMHO until you have nothing, until you are lost to who you are will be the only time you are ready. I'm sure that will come up for debate but im talking about Avoidance.

You cannot change who you are until you are desperate and lost, and in need for help. You can have the best advice in the world but if your not desperate enough... it will just fall on deaf ears... hence being mentally ready.

Until you are ready and desperate enough all you will do is dig a deeper hole using distraction as a shovel. Now, i think this is also a important part of growth because its slowly running you down till you are mentally broken.

I see it as that you can't change a strong brain, so it has to be burnt out.



We use distraction as a way to shift focus and we do it automatically and unknowingly.
Distraction is like a self mental floating mechanism to stop us from falling into a dark place.
I could say that this forum is a form of distraction.
Any thing that stops you from finding yourself is a distraction...
On the other side of the coin- the Avie forum is where you will find those who share the disorder and valuable information.
Even stuff that you might read today may not make any sense but may have a place in time when you need it.

Ok I see what you mean by the distractions. I always try to avoid the hard topics with everything I can find(even with a lot of drugs 2 years ago).
For now I try to read up on the disorder, as you told me.
Do you know of any good sites/ books that go into more depth than just listing the generalized dsm 5 criterias?

That's the challenge.
What's written and seen via YouTube usually comes from people without the disorder.
Because the disorder is so rare so is the factual information.

Sift through the AvPD forum past posts.
Granted that the large majority of information you read will come from those who don't have AvPD so that misinformation is in the mix- so you're welcome to question an old thread that we might be able to expand on. I don't always answer questions but there is another Avie on here who might answer what I miss.

Thanks for the help!👍 I will have a look at the old posts then, perhaps I am going to find some more answers there

Better than what? If you really have avpd it's part of your personality and major improvement will be difficult. SA is more treatable than avpd.

I know that personality disorders arent really curable . But at least I want to figure out how to live a more a 'normal' life and ,well, make it a life worth living.
Thats the 'better' part I meant.
My current diagnosis is AvPD with dysthymia. Dont think that it is wrong ,for now, because it is the first one that acutally seems to fit.

I probably have pretty much the same thing. I never got a good diagnosis and I'm not going to because I had major trouble with the mental health people years ago. I have been able to improve over the years by working on it and pushing myself as much as I can. It can be tough.

I have been working for 22 years with only a 1 year unemployment gap. There was a time when I never thought I would be able to work. I did manage to get SSRI - a small amount of money per month. I knew people who lived on it if they got section 8 housing. I gave up that dream when I got an $8 an hour job. I moved up and got a cafe manager job for more than twice the money. Then I lost that but because I had a contact at the cafe I got a chemist job finally using my BS in Chemistry. Never was able to get a gf though. Only tried a bit of dating. It was horrible.

Yeah dating will be a bit of a problem for me too. I had a relationship once but I sometimes feel to uncomfortable in my own skin that it was a bit too much in some moments.

How does your life look like friend or corworker wise? Do you fit in at work?( I struggled with that all the time)?

(I sent you a PM)

I fit in OK because most people there are pretty introverted - scientists. The office politics can be frustrating but it's not nearly as bad as at my last job where I got kicked out for reporting payroll fraud by the bosses friends.

I don't have any close friends. One co-worker gave me rides the times I needed surgery. Someone left me a poinsettia on my desk at Christmas with a note saying I was a really nice person. Anonymous.

This sounds familiar. It either that or its being bullied.
I never really seemed to fit in at my last workplace. In my defense it was a work place for rather extroverted or at least for people who open up a bit.

Welcome to pc


fyi nobody here is a doctor or qualified to diagnose.