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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
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Apr 12, 2020 at 08:15 AM
#1
I'm tierd of being alone and want to try dating again. But my fear of talking is really bad at the moment. It is so intense that I wont say anything. My throat feels "stuffed"(couldnt find a unanimous translation) that it gets really hard to talk. And going on a date with someone who doesnt talk that much is not much fun.
There are so much more fears.Am I enough. Where to go, what to talk about. What if he gets angry and just starts insulting me or critizing me. Where should I even find somone who one has the patience. What if I bore him. And so on When it comes to catastrophic thinking I could think of anything that could go wrong and it 99% of the time will. A 1% chance isnt motivating to be honest. But still I want to try to find love at least to not be alonw anymore. So does anyone here have tips on how to date? Last edited by Whereto52; Apr 12, 2020 at 11:33 AM.. |
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Disreputable Old Troll
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Location: The Star of the North
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Apr 13, 2020 at 01:14 PM
#2
I'm sorry I don't have any dating advice to offer you. However you mentioned catastrophic thinking in your post. So here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on that subject:
What is Catastrophizing? Catastrophic Thinking: When Your Mind Clings to Worst-Case Scenarios Navigating Catastrophic Thinking, Part 2 Navigating Catastrophic Thinking, Part 3 
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
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Apr 13, 2020 at 07:52 PM
#3
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Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
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Apr 14, 2020 at 02:26 AM
#4
Right now during the pandemic I don't think it's possible anyway.
__________________ The Universe needs an Ace |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
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Apr 14, 2020 at 05:16 AM
#5
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Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: 1000 miles from nowhere.
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Apr 14, 2020 at 06:14 AM
#6
This could be a conversations that you might like to follow.
Dating during COVID-19 __________________ Diagnosed: AvPD. It’s never alright. It comes and it goes. It’s always around, even when it don’t show. They say it gets better. well I guess that it might. But even when it’s better, it’s never alright. |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
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Apr 14, 2020 at 02:58 PM
#7
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Thx for the help again! |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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Apr 14, 2020 at 07:10 PM
#8
Online dating is not easy nowadays since it seems many people live two realities apart one online and another offline. Be very careful.
I do understand you see it as a more factual thing to achieve but be cautious, ok? There are many people out there who take advantages of people with psychological needs. I met my partner online many many years ago. It was a time where well...people celebrate the possibility to contact with people overseas or long distances and different cultures and such. But, today, it seems all a little more dangerous. Ok, you got it. I’m an elder lady but please, be cautious. I was lucky. I had clear what I wanted and it was to have friends, if they were abroad, the better, more exciting. So, you also may be lucky. Only having from the beginning very clear what the guy is looking for to see if it suits you and take your precautions. About dating, I can’t give you any advise. I felt a little more confidence at that moment so I was myself and dare to go out of my comfort zone. It was a mistake on my part but I can’t blame myself because I didn’t know how broken I was. Always, the best is to be yourself. No matter what. If you are an avoidant, well...an avoidant with your head up. Good luck! __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
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Apr 15, 2020 at 02:16 PM
#9
Quote:
I know those moments too. Where one gets out of the comfort zone. But for me it is always those 'all or nothing moments'. Im in such a state right now and I have learned from the past, that I should use them as long as they last. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
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Nov 05, 2020 at 10:36 PM
#10
  I think it is good advice about being an ''avoidant with her head up'' (as in being aware I think..) |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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