I'm stuck avoiding everyone and can't help myself. Anyone have advice?

Hello!

First off, I want to say, that I have no AvPD diagnosis, I just think that my behavior meets the criteria and could not talk to a mental health professional about it yet, so if any of you feel like I am in the wrong forum or I am further stigmatizing your diagnosis, feel free to correct me and tell me that I should go somewhere else (lol).

Okay, my life right now is kind of wild and just too much for me to handle. I will lose my job mid-July (due to not being able to work reliably right now), my parents can't support me financially, someone in my family died, and the list goes on (and all this news are just from the last two weeks ). I have always dealt with things like this by myself. Not talking or texting anyone, just getting my **** together myself, in my flat or room and then a few days or maybe a week later, showing up to school again, texting friends again, etc. But right now I just cannot get it together, whenever I try to do something, wether it be in order to deal with financial issues, with work, my studies or my mental health, I can't concentrate for long until I start spiraling or am stuck, because for the next steps I would need somebodys help, which I am not able to get, because in my mind I am not allowed to get in contact with anyone. Whatever I try, I cant bring myself to contact my colleagues/friends (they are the same people haha), out of fear and anxiety they hate me now because I am not able to deal with this in a healthy way or at least communicate with them about it.

I really miss them, I really want to talk to them, but I just can't. I have been sitting on the verge of crying in front of my phone because I just couldn't tap the "call" button and I don't understand, why I just can't do it. I've had phases like this one before but never this bad. I am really desperate and don't know what to do anymore, can anybody help me?

Have you been told by your employer that your employment is up in mid July?

Kind of. Currently I am working in a political youth organisation and not an enterprise, so all the paid jobs get elected by members and you don't go the classical way of just applying and then working, you are candidating for it. The original plan and consensus was that i will candidate (and wouldve been the only person to do so) and continue my job, but my mental health just kept getting worse and i cant keep up with the work and legal responsibilities that i have for the organisation right now and i dont know when ill be able to do so again. so i had a talk with my colleagues and we decided (it was kind of more their choice because i really would love to do again and didnt want to admit it, but they are right), that somebody else should do it.

The direction I would suggest is to look for paid employment.
A lot of your issues in your OP will be lightened...possibly to the point of dissolving.

Income will give you the independence you seek, lifting your self worth and improving your mental health.

I recommend taking it one small step at a time. Establish a routine. First, go to bed and get up at the same time, every day (even on the weekend). Whenever this feels comfortable-ish, have two meals at the same time each day. Then leave the house for a small walk. Don't plan further than that, I'd say.

Hi, a small update:
My friends were so worried about me, because I didn't talk to them and they knew that I tend to self-destructive behaviour, that they called the ambulance on me. I was in the hospital for a few hours, but didn't stay there, they did give me some calming medicine though and one of the doctors said that when I have my psychiatrist appointment I should look into borderline personality disorder with them. I don't think that that shoe fits though, but I guess, I'll see.

And there are more possibilities that you don’t have a personality disorder. Let’s see what your therapist says.
My best wishes! 😀

I also think there are other possibilities. Maybe you don't have a personality disorder. Good luck with the psychiatrist appointment!

Right. Because avoidance is only a defence mechanism and it’s indeed present in all individuals.
Having it as a maladaptive pattern makes of it an issue to consider but not necessarily a trait of the personality.

Hi, I don't really know if I should post an update or not, since it doesn't necessarily concern avoidant personality disorder, so at the people reviewing and permitting my post: i swear, im not gonna be mad if you dont let me post this haha

I'm still avoiding all contact with my colleagues except for one, since they are my roommate and from time to time, they just are here and it's kind of impossible to avoid them. I had a psychiatrist appointment by now, but they weren't too helpful and rather made me have an existential crisis, but hey, at least they gave me a referral to a psychological diagnosis. I tried talking to them about me thinking I have avoidant personality disorder, but they ignored that and stuck with "you should get tested for emotionally unstable personality disorder". It drives me mad, that it seems like none of the professionals (except for my therapist - love u, sabrina) listen to me, when I want to talk about my mental health outside of selfharming behaviour and then they semi-diagnose me after talking to them for 10 to 15 minutes. I know it's not their fault that everything's underfunded and understaffed, but it really is frustrating me a lot, especially since the psychiatrist said (and outside of me translating this, this is a quote) "You for sure have a personality disorder." and let me walk out their office like a minute after. My therapist disagrees however, but doesn't know, how they would diagnose me, if they had to. Maybe the fact that they dislike the concept of diagnosing plays into that.

Conclusion is, I have existential crisis after existential crisis because everyone is diagnosing me with disorders I've never considered for myself, i really hope the diagnosis (whatever the result is going to be) is going to make this better, because right now, I am questioning everything I do and wether or not I am just doing it, so I just fit into one of the boxes I kinda got put into for the sake of having an explanation for my current state of being.

I wanna thank you all for your answers, they really helped me feel less alone and less helpless.

The diagnosis is only a label anyway. Emotionally unstable personality disorder is what they called Borderline. It's a bad one . People get DBT for it. And lots of anti psychotic drugs and antidepressants. Did they give you any medications?

Yes, when I was there, because my friends called the ambulance, I got benzos and quetiapine and when I went there a second time because I wanted to be in a clinic and not by myself, they prescriped me quetiapine. From what I've read its a very low dose (50mg/day)

The most important is don’t panic. You are gonna receive an accurate diagnosis. You weren’t very lucky with this first psychiatrist. I say it mainly because in order to receive the right diagnosis the professional have to take time to assess you so I understand that you are now a little lost, not knowing what’s the core of your issues (Even professionals have sometimes problems to hit a diagnosis).

Look if you want we can share via pm experiences.
I also lived a period of my life when I was very confuse about what was happening to me.
The fact that many psychiatrists are so reluctant to give a diagnosis doesn’t make things better.

It happened to me something similar to you. First I was diagnosed with Avpd traits. Then, I went for a second opinion, I took note and described how I could have borderline PD. The doctor said that I hadn’t but at the same time, his report for my therapist said: Emotional disorder, beside depression and anxiety. But these two latter are in this case, symptoms.

Whatever you have, I’m sure you are gonna take advantages from your personal search along with your therapist’s support.

I wrote a lot in the borderline personality disorder forum quite a long time ago. It was mainly about information of the disorder. Even when you may not have the disorder is very interesting to know about it and learn to manage your emotional instability.
As AceRimmer told you, DBT is very helpful, not only for people with bpd but also for people to learn to manage emotions. As it is a long program and it is not available in many places. Don’t worry. The work you are doing with your therapist can be very helpful and (s)he may apply very similar techniques to the ones worked in DBT. In the end, DBT is more a technique than a whole therapy.

Again I offer you pm contact in case you need a little of my insight. Of course, I’m not a therapist. I only have my experience and what I learnt from bpd.

I forgot. Another interesting sub forum is Coping with emotions. I usually read there. 👍