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Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 34
15 |
#1
When I fear conflict, I will avoid the situation, meaning missing appointments, scheduled events, work, etc. It is always interpreted as irresponsibility and/or lack of consideration. However, everytime I avoid a situation, it tears me up inside. I have burned a lot of bridges because of my AP.
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anton11415, grey_, mom2beagle
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lisasays
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 42
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#2
Sunnye, I can relate. I too hate conflict and the resulting guilt after I feel like I've let someone down, or not lived up to a standard 'expectation.'
I also avoid tasks that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle because I don't know how to do them, or because they're too daunting to even start. (I was 4 years behind in filing my taxes a few years back. I finally got caught up and vowed I would never let it happen again. A couple of years later, I got behind again! I hate that part of me! Anyway, I don't have any suggestions since I haven't figured out how to deal with it myself, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Hugs, MHH __________________ |
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lisasays, sunnye
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Member
Member Since Aug 2008
Posts: 52
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#3
Hi,
Instead of avoiding anything it is better to take the resposibility of all these. |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 5,361
16 |
#4
Quote:
While I don't struggle with missing appointments, etc., I loathe conflict. I have another post about it where Sannah really helped me with this...I will locate it and post the link, see if it offers anything useful for you. |
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lisasays, sunnye
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Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 34
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#5
Thanks, Guys.
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,441
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#6
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Member
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Philadelphia,PA
Posts: 109
16 |
#7
Quote:
__________________ "I've learned that the world won't change just because I complain" (but I do it anyway..) Katie |
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mom2beagle
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 6
15 |
#8
hi... just want you to know that i've been experiencing that before also and still feeling that way from time to time... you are not alone
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Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Posts: 488
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#9
me too. I feel I can't be trusted to do things for other people because I always seem to do the opposite of what they want me to do. besides, no one ever says "Thanks for doing what I asked you to do." That must be weird, right? Yet it's perfectly normal to be angry or disappointed when an order is not followed.
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: central texas
Posts: 12
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#10
me too! I'm not who I want to be. I feel like since this onset, I have lost my soul and personality.
__________________ keep the faith |
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grey_, Onward2wards
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Member
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 86
11 |
#11
Hey guys I have been thinking about a good challenge for all of us struggling with self confidence/conflicts/discussions etc. For the next week, month or whatever, EVERYTIME we come into a conflict, lets defend ourself, or at least try to, Even though we know we are wrong and the arguments we use are stupid...for the sake of a good cause lets do it! I think it would be very good training actually trying to defend ourself and not just nood and agree with everything. When I try to say my opinion and someone argues against it, I agree with them and discussion over..lol...how pathetic. What you guys think? Lets just try if you come into a situation...I think it would do good, and after a while it gets easier and easier..hopefully
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Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Posts: 488
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#12
What? You want us to defend ourselves??? Isn't that the exact reason why we struggle with conflict?
According to CBT pioneer David Burns (I have a copy of his book), if you do defend yourself in an argument, Quote:
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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#13
I don't start something without some way to at least let other people know when I'm going to not do what I say/have planned. Presumably one calls into work to tell them you won't be there that day (or you end up fired) and I make sure I do the same with social or other events, I at least make sure I have enough in me to call and tell them I'm not coming or to tell them I "can't make it" in the first place. I don't let people think I'm going to do something I cannot and work hard not to sign up in the first place if I'm not willing to at least go through the fear of cancelling. I'd rather be afraid than thought/act irresponsible.
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jul 2013
Posts: 37
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#14
Quote:
i'm apologise for just reporting the same issues here again, but i have not yet figured out what can help... i just joined here, hope to find something, i will surely post here if and when i do... you are not alone in this |
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