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Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 34
15 |
Mar 12, 2009 at 04:20 PM
#1
When I fear conflict, I will avoid the situation, meaning missing appointments, scheduled events, work, etc. It is always interpreted as irresponsibility and/or lack of consideration. However, everytime I avoid a situation, it tears me up inside. I have burned a lot of bridges because of my AP.
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 anton11415, grey_, mom2beagle
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 lisasays
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Member
Member Since Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 42
15 1 hugs
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Mar 13, 2009 at 10:20 PM
#2
Sunnye, I can relate. I too hate conflict and the resulting guilt after I feel like I've let someone down, or not lived up to a standard 'expectation.'
I also avoid tasks that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle because I don't know how to do them, or because they're too daunting to even start. (I was 4 years behind in filing my taxes a few years back. I finally got caught up and vowed I would never let it happen again. A couple of years later, I got behind again! I hate that part of me! Anyway, I don't have any suggestions since I haven't figured out how to deal with it myself, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Hugs, MHH __________________  |
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lisasays, sunnye
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Member
Member Since Aug 2008
Posts: 52
15 |
Mar 17, 2009 at 02:53 AM
#3
Hi,
Instead of avoiding anything it is better to take the resposibility of all these. |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 5,361
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Mar 17, 2009 at 07:36 AM
#4
Quote:
While I don't struggle with missing appointments, etc., I loathe conflict. I have another post about it where Sannah really helped me with this...I will locate it and post the link, see if it offers anything useful for you. __________________ ____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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lisasays, sunnye
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Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 34
15 |
Mar 17, 2009 at 03:58 PM
#5
Thanks, Guys.
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,404
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Mar 20, 2009 at 02:39 PM
#6
__________________ 
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Member
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Philadelphia,PA
Posts: 109
15 |
Mar 23, 2009 at 01:58 PM
#7
Quote:
 Its so hard isnt it! I always cancel plans last min, if im really in a mood ill call out of work, i have not shown up to volunteer things that i sign up for just because i dont want conflicts or i get nervous to talk to people. I also have burned MANY bridges and no one seems to understand i dont do because i dont care. you my dear are not alone. 
__________________ "I've learned that the world won't change just because I complain" (but I do it anyway..) Katie 
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| mom2beagle
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 6
15 |
Apr 30, 2009 at 10:48 AM
#8
hi... just want you to know that i've been experiencing that before also and still feeling that way from time to time... you are not alone
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Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Posts: 488
11 25 hugs
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Jul 03, 2013 at 03:08 PM
#9
me too. I feel I can't be trusted to do things for other people because I always seem to do the opposite of what they want me to do. besides, no one ever says "Thanks for doing what I asked you to do." That must be weird, right? Yet it's perfectly normal to be angry or disappointed when an order is not followed.
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: central texas
Posts: 12
10 44 hugs
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Jul 04, 2013 at 10:28 AM
#10
me too! I'm not who I want to be. I feel like since this onset, I have lost my soul and personality.
__________________ keep the faith 
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| grey_, Onward2wards
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Member
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 86
10 |
Jul 06, 2013 at 02:30 PM
#11
Hey guys I have been thinking about a good challenge for all of us struggling with self confidence/conflicts/discussions etc. For the next week, month or whatever, EVERYTIME we come into a conflict, lets defend ourself, or at least try to, Even though we know we are wrong and the arguments we use are stupid...for the sake of a good cause lets do it! I think it would be very good training actually trying to defend ourself and not just nood and agree with everything. When I try to say my opinion and someone argues against it, I agree with them and discussion over..lol...how pathetic. What you guys think? Lets just try if you come into a situation...I think it would do good, and after a while it gets easier and easier..hopefully
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Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Posts: 488
11 25 hugs
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Jul 08, 2013 at 03:09 PM
#12
What? You want us to defend ourselves??? Isn't that the exact reason why we struggle with conflict?
According to CBT pioneer David Burns (I have a copy of his book), if you do defend yourself in an argument, Quote:
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Jul 08, 2013 at 03:35 PM
#13
I don't start something without some way to at least let other people know when I'm going to not do what I say/have planned. Presumably one calls into work to tell them you won't be there that day (or you end up fired) and I make sure I do the same with social or other events, I at least make sure I have enough in me to call and tell them I'm not coming or to tell them I "can't make it" in the first place. I don't let people think I'm going to do something I cannot and work hard not to sign up in the first place if I'm not willing to at least go through the fear of cancelling. I'd rather be afraid than thought/act irresponsible.
__________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jul 2013
Posts: 37
10 67 hugs
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Jul 22, 2013 at 01:41 PM
#14
Quote:
i'm apologise for just reporting the same issues here again, but i have not yet figured out what can help... i just joined here, hope to find something, i will surely post here if and when i do... you are not alone in this 
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