[*Beth*]

It's happening again. That feeling of lacking fire, a dull blah with no creative impulse. The cement-colored greys. This is normal? How do people live like this? I've been stable for at least 5 months, and it's getting to me. The lack of the hypomanic high, colors, sounds, feelings, I miss them.

My last manic episode was in 2018, 4 months and it was disastrous, with the final result of me ending up being taken in miserable handcuffs to the hospital by the cops. So it's not that I want a mania, not at all. Only the touch of that fire that a hypo gifts.

Spoke with my therapist today, she reminded me that I've been here many times, especially when I'm stable. True. Then spoke with my psychiatrist, who gave me her blessing to lower my Lamictal dose from 225 to 200 I was hoping for more like 225 down to 100.

Aaah, I'm just sounding off. Thanks for listening.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Hey Beth, I wish I could help, but I don't know the solution. All I can say is I'm in a similar place right now, so I know how awful it feels. I do think it's likely med- or mood-related. It shouldn't be this way, life should not feel like a pointless endeavor, and as far as I can tell it doesn't to most "normal" people. Most seem to find some enjoyment in life. Hopefully that means it's possible for us, too, to feel that again, even though it's nearly impossible to imagine that right now.

Originally Posted by BethRags

It's happening again. That feeling of lacking fire, a dull blah with no creative impulse. The cement-colored greys. This is normal? How do people live like this? I've been stable for at least 5 months, and it's getting to me. The lack of the hypomanic high, colors, sounds, feelings, I miss them.

My last manic episode was in 2018, 4 months and it was disastrous, with the final result of me ending up being taken in miserable handcuffs to the hospital by the cops. So it's not that I want a mania, not at all. Only the touch of that fire that a hypo gifts.

Spoke with my therapist today, she reminded me that I've been here many times, especially when I'm stable. True. Then spoke with my psychiatrist, who gave me her blessing to lower my Lamictal dose from 225 to 200 I was hoping for more like 225 down to 100.

Aaah, I'm just sounding off. Thanks for listening.

Hi BethRags. I understand wanting to feel vibrant and able to savor life. I think that wishing for hypomania is dangerous, though, and many of us even suffer some consequences from that. I understand that the line between enjoyable stability and mild or greater hypomania is a thin one. I can say that for me, very small medication changes are best for finding that fine line. Having my Seroquel XR increased or decreased by the minimum amount (50 mg in that case) can make a big difference. I won't speak directly about Lamictal because I have a feeling that my experience with it may be opposite to what you are hoping from it. Or from less of it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi BethRags. I understand wanting to feel vibrant and able to savor life. I think that wishing for hypomania is dangerous, though, and many of us even suffer some consequences from that. I understand that the line between enjoyable stability and mild or greater hypomania is a thin one. I can say that for me, very small medication changes are best for finding that fine line. Having my Seroquel XR increased or decreased by the minimum amount (50 mg in that case) can make a big difference. I won't speak directly about Lamictal because I have a feeling that my experience with it may be opposite to what you are hoping from it. Or from less of it.

Do you mean increased depression (with the Lamictal reduction)? I'm always concerned about that, although Lamictal never did touch depression for me. It definitely helps me, in the sense that it is centering...grounding. I just wish she'd be okay with me trying to drop it down, see how thing go.

I'm on Pristiq, which has helped really well (with depression).

Originally Posted by BethRags

Do you mean increased depression (with the Lamictal reduction)? I'm always concerned about that, although Lamictal never did touch depression for me. It definitely helps me, in the sense that it is centering...grounding. I just wish she'd be okay with me trying to drop it down, see how thing go.

I'm on Pristiq, which has helped really well (with depression).

For me, a decrease in Lamictal could mean increased depression. I know it affects others differently. I actually regard my Lamictal as my "antidepressant" that is activating for me. My Seroquel XR contributes for both ends of the spectrum, depending on my dose and current situation.

I hope that if your psychiatrist recommends a small reduction in your Lamictal that you perhaps give that a try for at least a bit to see what happens. The reduction you're interested in seems like a huge one, indeed. I don't have anything against doses of 100 mg, though. I've taken 100 mg for almost 8 years now. I have been on doses of Lamictal up to 300 mg long ago in the past, and became severely manic w/psychosis on that dose (along with Abilify). I do appreciate my 100 mg of Lamictal, because it was that dose/med that pulled me out of a long depression (I was also on Lithium and Geodon at the time), but when I reached the 100 mg, I was getting very hypomanic. My doctor had to add a second antipsychotic to offset that. He chose not to increase the Lamictal since it was clearly activating for me, and had a history of being more so at the higher doses. Instead, he manipulates my Seroquel XR dose, usually up or down by 50 mg, unless I get more manic, at which time he increases it by 150 or 200 mg or so. Then when my mania eases, he lowers it again, but by small amounts.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Hey Beth, I wish I could help, but I don't know the solution. All I can say is I'm in a similar place right now, so I know how awful it feels. I do think it's likely med- or mood-related. It shouldn't be this way, life should not feel like a pointless endeavor, and as far as I can tell it doesn't to most "normal" people. Most seem to find some enjoyment in life. Hopefully that means it's possible for us, too, to feel that again, even though it's nearly impossible to imagine that right now.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, too, FluffyD. You make a good point. Life should not feel like a pointless endeavor. Let's keep that hope

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

For me, a decrease in Lamictal could mean increased depression. I know it affects others differently. I actually regard my Lamictal as my "antidepressant" that is activating for me. My Seroquel XR contributes for both ends of the spectrum, depending on my dose and current situation.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thank you for your help, Birdie.


I don't know why Lamictal isn't more of an antid. for me. It was supposed to be. It is definitely helpful, just not specifically with depression.

I wonder if I take my Lamictal dose in the morning (I take it at night) it would be more activating? I just feel so tired all day...but worse than tired. Half-alive.

I hope that if your psychiatrist recommends a small reduction in your Lamictal that you perhaps give that a try for at least a bit to see what happens. The reduction you're interested in seems like a huge one, indeed. I don't have anything against doses of 100 mg, though. I've taken 100 mg for almost 8 years now. I have been on doses of Lamictal up to 300 mg long ago in the past, and became severely manic w/psychosis on that dose (along with Abilify). I do appreciate my 100 mg of Lamictal, because it was that dose/med that pulled me out of a long depression (I was also on Lithium and Geodon at the time), but when I reached the 100 mg, I was getting very hypomanic. My doctor had to add a second antipsychotic to offset that. He chose not to increase the Lamictal since it was clearly activating for me, and had a history of being more so at the higher doses. Instead, he manipulates my Seroquel XR dose, usually up or down by 50 mg, unless I get more manic, at which time he increases it by 150 or 200 mg or so. Then when my mania eases, he lowers it again, but by small amounts.

I know, you're correct. To drop down to 100 would be very foolish. I just wish I could. Maybe she'll approve of me dropping it down to 175 if 200 still leaves me so flat.

Do you take your Lamictal in the morning?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi BethRags. I have taken my 100 mg Lamictal in the morning the whole 8 years. It doesn't make me tired at all. In fact, I had to start taking 50 mg of my 700 mg Seroquel XR in the morning because I was ramping up way too much during the daytime. I still am to a small degree. Tegretol XR doesn't make me tired, either. I think a lot of medications that help sedate in the evening, don't so much when taken in the morning. I guess it depends on the medication and/or the person.

[*Beth*]

Thank you for all the info you've shared, Birdie. I'm going to try taking my Lamictal in the morning. Taking it at bedtime could be a reason I have insomnia and feel like I'm missing some of the benefits of the Lamictal. My pdoc has told me that I can take it either, so a.m. is worth a try.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thank you for all the info you've shared, Birdie. I'm going to try taking my Lamictal in the morning. Taking it at bedtime could be a reason I have insomnia and feel like I'm missing some of the benefits of the Lamictal. My pdoc has told me that I can take it either, so a.m. is worth a try.

I take my 100mg of Lamictal in the morning after finding that taking it in the evening was too activating. I also have increasing anxiety the higher the Lamictal dose so it’s been capped at 100ng.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I take my 100mg of Lamictal in the morning after finding that taking it in the evening was too activating. I also have increasing anxiety the higher the Lamictal dose so it’s been capped at 100ng.

Thanks for the info, Pookyl. Interesting, that you have higher anxiety over 100mg.

[FluffyDinosaur]

@BirdDancer @Pookyl: Thanks for sharing the information about Lamictal. I'm currently starting Lamictal myself and it's good to know that taking it in the morning versus the evening can make such a big difference.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

@BirdDancer @Pookyl: Thanks for sharing the information about Lamictal. I'm currently starting Lamictal myself and it's good to know that taking it in the morning versus the evening can make such a big difference.

Have you started Lamictal yet?

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Have you started Lamictal yet?

I have, thanks for asking! I'm about to go from 25mg to 50mg. So far no side effects. I'm hoping to start noticing some positive effects once I go to 100mg.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I have, thanks for asking! I'm about to go from 25mg to 50mg. So far no side effects. I'm hoping to start noticing some positive effects once I go to 100mg.

Great! Yes, I wouldn't expect positive results until at least 100mg.