[Parker1013]

I wish I could get more support from my husband, but he doesn't seem to understand that my mood swings come from a disorder. I was diagnosed three years ago. He's gone so far as to tell me that I was just using it as an excuse to get away with being a ***** to him, which really hurts. I'm tired of being made to apologize for having this, and then on top of this, he's hardly been home lately because he's too busy going out and drinking with his friends. I know he's alcohol-dependent, and I don't know how to handle that. I feel like I'm the only one who is working toward a future by going to school, while he works a dead-end job and refuses to look for anything better.

I think I made a mistake getting married, but if I get divorced I might have to drop out of school. I'm earning my associate degree this week and got accepted to transfer to a really great university, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. Right now school is the only thing I have going for me.

Right now I'm not on any medications. I tried Lamictal a couple months ago, but I felt horrible on it and didn't want to eat, and studying was hard because it didn't feel like I was absorbing the information. I don't have health insurance right now, but I plan on trying to get us into some couples counseling over the summer. I really hope he's receptive to that idea, because I don't think we're going to make it without help.

[Slick399]

Stick with school no matter what. That will be your salvation to getting and keeping a decent job. Couples counseling sounds like a good plan. Good Luck to you and please keep us posted!

Slick399 Hang in there!

[Parker1013]

Ditched at home again. At least there's plenty of time to study for finals. On the other hand... it would be nice to have, like, a husband.

[ihatemybrain]

If you would feel less alone by knowing, my husband told me the bipolar was an excuse I used too. If only they knew what we go through!! The social worker told me he 'chooses' not to understand. He did not want to acknowledge I had a disorder.

Maybe your husband will 'come around to understanding' about things as he sees a change in you. It will take a lil time, but help you decide if you want to save your marriage.

I concur with others stay in school...the longer you you can go, (think Masters, Ph. D.) the better standing, outcome, more job offers!! you go girl, yea. Congratulations on the degree..YOU did it.

[Amazonmom]

Grrrr....

He can't complain about your mood swings if he is constantly rejecting you to go out on some drinking spree. Sounds like he is possibly alcoholic. I hope he agrees to therapy with you. Couples need to turn towards each other when there is trouble, not away.

Sometimes I think spouses of people with bipolar decide that the spouse with bipolar has lost all rights to emotions. Uh...no. My husband fully understands that I have a right to be upset if things go badly, or happy if things go well.

Seattle women with bipolar have to stick together, you know

[positivethinking]

The couples therapy sounds like a great idea. Good for you concentrating on your study, well done. all the best.

[thinker22]

It's tough, yes. I have a recent diagnosis and I worry about the same thing that people will think I'm using the bipolar as an excuse to "act out" or be extremely depressed. I don't want to have this condition, let alone act on it! The chemicals in my brain make it very hard to not to do or say anything. I'm on medication and in therapy trying to get this under control, but I'm 29 and I've had this to one degree all my life now that I look back on it. People just took the energetic manic moments as me being a hyper kid or else the "true" me and the depressed moments as me "moping" as my dad called it. I felt so ashamed of having these extreme feelings that I tried to stuff them down and not have any at all, only to have things come erupting back into my life in my 20s. It all makes sense now, but I doubt I have the guts to tell my family and friends about it now because I do take responsibility for all of my actions, impulses or no and I don't want to hurt anyone. It feels like, why bother to tell them if they might use it against me? I'll just let them think I'm crazy or whatever. I've tried to keep from everyone my hospital trip in the winter. It sucks feeling damned if you do and damned if you don't.