[worried_sis]

I am new to this site and am really hoping to get some feedback...

My sister is a 34 year old single mother whom is bipolar. I truly do feel for her considering her situation. Her son is 3.5 and has had health problems since before he was born - has had 2 open heart surgeries among other things.

She gets help from the state especially to help with medicaid, etc. So in order to "meet income requirements" she waits tables. This gives her a very erratic schedule and she is always up all night (because she can barely sleep anyway). But she is instilling this poor schedule on my nephew. Then she goes through severe depressions and they stay in bed all day.

She does feed, cloth, medicate, and bathe him, don't get me wrong. But they do nothing a "normal" family does. Her son also is developmentally delayed as a result of his surgeries - which completely discourages her. She dwells on nothing but negative... she has absolutely NO MOTIVATION at all.

Her house is a wreck... I mean like a Niecy Nash "Clean House" episode. I have helped her a few times, but she never keeps up with it.

My mom helps her as much as she can with babysitting, dr. appointments, etc. But my Mom also is her #1 trigger... always guilt tripping her, putting her down, etc. Things are so bad for my sis right now that my Mom has taken my nephew. Mom has told sis that until she gets her sh#t together she will NOT get him back. My sis hasn't done anything to get him back. No cleaning, no nothing!!!! I know my Mom will not give him back and sis isn't taking this seriously. I know sis wants him in her life but I don't know how to make her understand that she has got to change!! If not she will regret it for the rest of her life!

Any suggestions on what I can do to help ASAP?! Please and thank you!

[darkeyes]

Hi there, welcome to PC
Is your sister seeing a psychiatrist and/or therapist on a regular basis? Is she on meds for bipolar?
There are many good mood stabilizers that may be of help to her. From my own personal experience, Lamictal was the best for me, for I was DXed as "mild" Bipolar-II, having more of depression than any mania, the mania was mild and may have been triggered from using diet pills (Phenterimine) at the time in late 1999 to Spring 2000. After not using diet pills, I had no
signs of any mania. Sort of think it was the diet pills
that triggered my whole problem.
But that's my own story. Lamictal was good addressing
the depressive end when all the antidepressants (SSRI's) stopped working.
Not knowing your sister's situation other than what you shared with us, there is not much I can suggest except if she isn't being treated by a mental health professional
it may be in her and her child's best interest to seek professional care. Some mother's can be huge triggers, if your sister does get professional care with a pdoc/therapist they may also help her deal with your mom too.
I wish you, your sister, and her child lots of luck with this.

Take care now,
DE

[Slothrop]

I agree with darkeyes, your sister should get professional treatment (starting with a psychiatrist, preferably) if she isn't already. Life with bipolar/depression doesn't have to be like that. She sounds like me before I got help. Worse, actually.

If your sister IS getting professional treatment, take a careful look at it. Is a doctor waiting for meds to kick in? Okay, that takes time. But if anyone caring for her is trying to pass this off as normal or acceptable or "as good as she'll get," dump that caretaker and get someone else.

It sounds like your mom doesn't "get it." I'm glad she's there to give your nephew some (hopefully) quality care and attention, but she is probably going to make your sister's situation worse until she understands your sister is sick.

Thanks for your concern for your sister -- it sounds like she needs you!