[VickiesPath]

I am one of four kids and because of family alcohol abuse, we were not a close family. We kids never were close as children and have not been close as adults.

My mother died a year and a half ago and since then, my only sister and I have begun communicating more and sharing more of our lives. Most has been by telephone because we live 1400 miles apart. None of my family members were ever a part of my struggle with bipolar and so now this is all new to them and to her.

Last Christmas, she and her husband came to Phoenix for the holidays because his sister also lives in this area only in another distant suburb and I did get to spend some time (actually very little) with my sister. While she was here, she gave me a book. She said she was reading it and she happened to have two copies and thought I would find it interesting. The title was "You Are Your Choices".

It left me puzzled. I didn't know what to think. I appreciated her thoughtfulness on the one hand but couldn't quite figure out how she would end up with two copies of the same book???? To be honest, I wondered if she bought it for me. Also, I wondered if she understands so little about depression that she has no idea that the ability to make choices is one of the first things that goes haywire when depression sets in and making bad choices is one of the side effects of mental illness.

Truthfully, I am grateful to begin this new level of communication and this new relationship with my sister. But it seems that it is possible that if the time ever comes that I find myself trying to explain mental illness to the Vice-Chancellor of a major university (my sister's job), I might be in over my head. After all, in light of what it took for her to achieve that position, she just simply might not "get it".

[Berries]

Some people, especially overachievers just will never, ever "get it".

My father is like that. He has seen me at my bipolar worst. He has gotten phone calls in the middle of the night from the ICU doctor saying I might not make it til the morning and he still doesn't "get it"

BUT--it sounds like she is at least trying to and it sounds like she is interested in having a relationship with you. That is actually a LOT!
My father has no interest in EVER trying to get it nor in a relationship with me. So, at least you have that in your sister.

I'd say take it slow and keep building upon the foundation of love you two share.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Berries

Some people, especially overachievers just will never, ever "get it".

My father is like that. He has seen me at my bipolar worst. He has gotten phone calls in the middle of the night from the ICU doctor saying I might not make it til the morning and he still doesn't "get it"

BUT--it sounds like she is at least trying to and it sounds like she is interested in having a relationship with you. That is actually a LOT!
My father has no interest in EVER trying to get it nor in a relationship with me. So, at least you have that in your sister.

I'd say take it slow and keep building upon the foundation of love you two share.

Thank you so much for the encouragement, Berries. I think you are right, I am forgetting to be grateful simply for the relationship, which is a lot more than I really ever hoped for before. Projecting into the future is not necessary. I'm going to try to stay in the here and now.

I am so sorry about your father, although I can truly identify with you. I truly hope that you have other people in your life who you can depend upon for support.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

I am so sorry about your father, although I can truly identify with you. I truly hope that you have other people in your life who you can depend upon for support.

Thank you. And yes, thank goodness I do have other family who are very supportive!

[pondbc]

It is SO difficult to explain, regardless of the intelligence of the listener or even his/her level of empathy. I think there is also a trace of fear involved and a (perhaps even subconscious) sense that they may be drawn in to your problems. I have read about schizophrenia, but I am not a sufferer and am not sure I can understand what it is like to hear voices or feel my thoughts are being monitored.
The fact that you are talking again and that she visited you are the important things. Probably the more you are together the more you will be able to explain to her how you feel.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

IShe said she was reading it and she happened to have two copies and thought I would find it interesting. The title was "You Are Your Choices".

It left me puzzled. I didn't know what to think.............I wondered if she understands so little about depression that she has no idea that the ability to make choices is one of the first things that goes haywire when depression sets in and making bad choices is one of the side effects of mental illness.

After all, in light of what it took for her to achieve that position, she just simply might not "get it".

Vickie,

Until I had my anxiety attacks/depression at the end of my career when aerospace engineering was going downhill anyway, I had no idea about mental illness at all. I had no idea what was even happening to me.....just felt like my whole world was colapsing around me & I was in a hole pulling the dirt in over me with no way out. None of my family or friends really did "get it" about what I was experiencing or going through.....but family mostly was at least supportive & caring & they were there through the worst of it. It was all the hospital stays I had that opened my eyes to many of the other mental illnesses that were around me.....I probably didn't 'get' what they were really going through, but it gave me a much more understandin& sympathy for the struggles.

The book is actually a great title for us to always remember....thinking about when we are in our deepest depression....we need to make sure the choice is to get the care we need. When we are feeling good, we need to make the choice not to think we are so well that we don't need the meds that are actually keeping us stable & allowing the good feeling. More that anything, the choices we make in our care in dealing with our mental illness really point out even more that we are our choices.....even if we can't make any more choices in our life than just our care at the time....that is the most important choices we can make.

It is so wonderful that your sister has taken this step into being family....again. Hope all continues smoothly. Don't read too much into what she might be saying.....just take the words you really hear only....when we read into what people are saying it only causes problems......take the relationship moment by moment & it will grow in wonderful ways.

Best wishes,
Debbie