[phoenix47baby]

Why is it that the diagnosis and life of a bipolar person excludes one from holding down a full-time job? I have tried for several years now and I can
manage a p-t job which has no stressors, only. Why is it that the stressors set off a bipolar cycle? It is so shaming sometimes. I have two college degrees that I can't use because of the stress. When will the sun come out?

[NuckingFutz]

You know, i have to think about that one.

[VickiesPath]

You know what, Phoenix? If I had to be perfectly honest, I would have to say that the only time I successly held down a truly stressful full-time job was when i was self-medicating with alcohol. I wasn't diagnosed bipolar then. But as I aged, quit using, was medicated properly, and got good medical care, i could only handle low stress jobs. It was actually the bipolar plus some physical disabilities that made me eligible for disability. It feels so sad to say this. I hope that as time goes by, the medications and/or treatments get better.

[BNLsMOM]

That is something I am struggling with as well. I have never held a job fom more than two years and in every job it was around the 8 month mark where I started feeling like leaving.

I used to think that I was lured in to this nice job and then at 8 months everyone would change and start being picky and demanding.

Turns out, it was me going into some sort of episode, either manic, "This job isn't good enough and I am wasting my talent," or depressed, "I am not good enough for this job." In either scenario, I felt as if the supervisors and bosses were talking about me and getting ready to fire me.

Now that I have a diagnosis, and have had major episoded this year, I am considering applying for disability. It is hard for me to let go of that prideful part that says,"I'm perfectly fine and I can work any job I want."

I think my track record of quitting about 50 jobs in the last 13 years probably speaks for itself.

However, there are many people with bipolar who stabilize on meds and are able to hold full time jobs. I hope this happens for all of us who want it.

[thinker22]

I've had this problem too. I can either go part time for 1.5-2 years before quitting (due to a variety of reasons, but mostly my mood issues) or 4 months max full time before I burn out. I've held many jobs since I was 18, but none have lasted very long. I couldn't work and go to school full time, but now I do both very part time. I'm fairly overwhelmed at this point and have quit college 4 times already due to the triggers caused by my perfectionism.

I always use to blame myself for not being stronger or not being able to sleep or relax. Now I realize why my job record is so spotty and it sure as hell isn't because I'm lazy. If anything, I try to do the job of 3 or more people, then I get exhausted and have to leave. I'm upset about my current job (and it's lasted the longest of all: 2yrs) even though I've only averaged working 1.5 days a week this year. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I feel at times like it's too much for me and then at other times like I'm horribly bored and my intelligence is being wasted on routine computer work.

What I would like to do is either work at a think tank for creative minds to solve problems or else writing comedy for a show like the Colbert Report. However, my current job and college seem to be blocking my dreams. Not sure how to get out of this cycle.

[phoenix47baby]

thank you, everyone for your responses. It sounds awfully familiar. What to do? One foot in front of the other...thank you!

[lonegael]

Heavy duty stress management has helped me alot. Unfortunately, my field mis one where there will always be stress, so I have to learn how to deflect it or manage my workload to avoid it as much as I can. I am now at the same work place since 1.5 years ago, and I love it, but it's only a substitute position. Still, I can leave with good references. It's not a matter of weakness; I am just very, very lucky that my meds are working so well. Body chemistry is a strange and fickle thing...

I've held the same job for 24 years. It is high stress, but I guess over time I've just learned to manage it. It is something I truly enjoy doing which I think is the real key.

[perpetuallysad]

I cannot work either and like you have 2 college degrees. I hate that I am so incredibly stressed out in a work type situation. I am finally trying (after being out of work for about a year and a half), to come to terms with the fact that I am not capable of working right now. It makes my self-worth plummet though. I feel incredibly guilty about not contributing financially to my family. My husband has a good job, but we only somehow manage to squeeze by. I know if I could hold down a job, we could be in a way better position. But the fact of the matter is that my sanity is fragile at best and I cannot handle working right now. Thank goodness my husband totally understands and doesn't put pressure on me...now if I could just figure out how to not pressure myself...

And I am also seriously considering disability. My pdoc said I should, but I have a horrible, paralyzing fear of talking to authority figures (in this case it would be the social security people), so I don't know how to do it when I am become so full of panic that I am physically incapable of speaking to them.

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful, was it?

[NuckingFutz]

I think a lot of people get hung up on this issue. I think this is an important reason to have a therapist...sometimes they can keep us in a job a lot longer or help us to realise that job is not suited to us. I am love to work, it is just the hiring process i hate/fear get crazy about. But i got to be a soldier. Now i am a veteran. Now you, the civilians get to help pay for my medical care. It was a pleasure serving for you all!

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

I cannot work either and like you have 2 college degrees. I hate that I am so incredibly stressed out in a work type situation. I am finally trying (after being out of work for about a year and a half), to come to terms with the fact that I am not capable of working right now. It makes my self-worth plummet though. I feel incredibly guilty about not contributing financially to my family. My husband has a good job, but we only somehow manage to squeeze by. I know if I could hold down a job, we could be in a way better position. But the fact of the matter is that my sanity is fragile at best and I cannot handle working right now. Thank goodness my husband totally understands and doesn't put pressure on me...now if I could just figure out how to not pressure myself...

And I am also seriously considering disability. My pdoc said I should, but I have a horrible, paralyzing fear of talking to authority figures (in this case it would be the social security people), so I don't know how to do it when I am become so full of panic that I am physically incapable of speaking to them.

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful, was it?

A friend of mine is an attorney who can refer me to someone who handles disability claims. He says that the attorney gets paid by the Social Security Administration and not by you.

Maybe that would help. An attorney may be able to do the talking for you.

[Anneinside]

And I am also seriously considering disability. My pdoc said I should, but I have a horrible, paralyzing fear of talking to authority figures
Sorry, that wasn't very helpful, was it?

When I applied for SSD, I applied online. I never spoke to anyone in Social Security and I received SSD on the first try. Check out the online application process.

[Anneinside]

I have a Ph.D. in Teaching and Learning and was a professor of special education from 1999 to 2005 and had to go on disability. The stress is very high, preparing to teach, teaching, grading, research, writing, presenting. If you don't do these things then you won't get tenure or promotion. I have been on disability for 3 years now and don't see returning any time in the near future. The other problem is that I would have to move away from a great psychiatrist and psychologist and lose much of my support system. The stress of the move itself could push me over the edge.

[Amazonmom]

I have been a Neonatal ICU nurse for almost 6 years now. I have held this particular position for 3 years now, which means increased vacation time! Three years is the longest I have held any particular position. Now that I have a full time day position I think I will be staying put until my children are at least in school.

I can't imagine doing anything else. I get to see miracles every day. My T/PNP does not believe my job triggers me, neither do I. She actually says it fits my hyperthymic personality well.

[perpetuallysad]

BNLsMOM and Anneinside, thanks so much for the suggestions. I have filled out that on-line form about 4 times, but I have never submitted it because I am so scared. I have this image of the instant its received of being scrutinized and having to go in front of people and prove that I have these problems...

[VickiesPath]

When I spoke earlier of a truly high stress full-time job, I was talking about abministrative law enforcement with the government, dealing with highly volutile issues and angry people. So, I suppose it wasn't surprising I was self-medicating and couldn't do that work after I quit drinking. So, take that with a grain of salt, ya'll.

[perpetuallysad]

I think most jobs can be quite stressful. Or at least for me, its not necessarily the work, but more the environment.
Being around catty people, especially when I would do the work of 4 or 5 of those catty people, created a very stressful and unfulfilling environment for me. But even when I went to a "no stress" receptionist type job working for 2 professors, I was tortured. No place where I have to work with other people seems to be something I can handle.

Not being able to handle that job anymore is OK, Vickie. I bet you were immensely relieved when you finally admitted you didn't want to be there and left.

[jolly folly]

Hi Pheonix 47,, I am sure that like all Bipolars you excel during the highs and grind to a halt during the lows. Consistancy is not an option it seems, but personally even though at present I am in a low phase and utterlly incapable of applying myself to being productive, I am OK with it because I know that I am in a phase and this will change as it always does, and then I will excell and be very employable. I think it's the expectation of others that makes us feel that we should be achieving and doing, and I think for myself that I have been ultra frustrated with myself when in these low periods because I know what I am capable of and why can't I snap out of it and just set to it all,,but realistically I think,,hey take it easy,,, I am who I am and that's an all or nothing person when it comes to being productive and I reckon the world needs people like us,,it would be a bland world without the Bipolars, so be gentle with yourself and see it all balances out in the overall picture. The world needs reliable plodders but it also needs the excellers even sporadic ones eh eh

[thinker22]

Being with people and answering phones is very difficult for me too. When I worked as a temp doing tons of jobs, all I wanted to do was be alone and assemble something. I would go home every night and drink way too much (I have no idea even how I would count them, but 4-5 a night was the norm...and these were big drinks like beer, wine, and tall vodka mixed drinks or dry martinis). I think I was manic most of the time in NY, but I still hated talking on the phones. It's a phobia of mine. I'm getting better at it, though. Seems like all jobs require some phones and dealing with people...maybe that's why it's hard for all of us to keep a job.

[johndsgirl]

Oh my god! There is someone else out there who knows how i feel! I feel so good. Thank you for this forum!