[NLITEN]

I don't understand how people put up with us (ME). I feel like I have offended everyone in my life. I feel like my life habits are unforgivable. I feel like there has to be a limit to what people can/will take, to the amount of back and forth emotional outbursts, erratic behavior and impulsive actions that someone can take (and my time is up or it will be any minute now). I mean good god its hard on me (imagine how it must be on everyone around me) no wander every one gives up and no one wants to get invested : If I could get away from myself I would too, I would even settle for getting away from everyone and everything I know... to just be someone else completely (like being put in witness protection program: only to protect the people in my life instead of me: or maybe both. New Name, New face, New identity, have my past wiped away clean.) Another constantly recurring thought/wish I have is how I would like to wake up with amnesia and not remember this me and everything I have done as me...

sometimes I think I stay away from people I really like cause I don't want to burden them with the craziness that is me and all the crap that comes along with it (me). So I get involved only with people I don't like then hate myself for doing it.
It was hard to get up this morning: I feel I can't get out: Can't run from myself: I need to be someone new.
Everyday exhausts me completely. Not from any specific action, just from the emotional up and downs I have. It's hard to look at where I am and say whether I am manic or depressed . I look back at the day (at 4am) and cannot conclude whether the previous day was good or bad, there is such emotional variation that by the end of the day it just sort of balances itself out.. I don't know. I am wearing myself out. How much longer can I go on like this? <font color="blue"> </font> <font color="blue"> </font> I will end this non-sensical jibberish now before it gets worse.

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) Fortunately when we are in such depression, what we think is not necessarily so... we aren't affecting everyone around us the way we think. Depression tells us plenty of lies.

Yes, I do stay away from others when I think I am only a burden. Do what you can.. and don't worry about it, that will make things worse imo.

Take care of yourself... and post as much as you need to!

me, too.......but i keep trying and i try, really hard, to gauge how much commotion i'm letting into someone else's life...it's hard, though. keep coming here......xoxo pat