[BNLsMOM]

I must have said it 876 times. On Friday, after Thanksgiving, we'll have a nice, quiet family day, just the four of us, eating cinnamon rolls, lighting a fire in the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate and putting up the Christmas Tree. No inlaws from either side of the family. Just the four of us.

So what does my husband do?

He makes last minute lunch plans with his dad, gets angry with me when I remind him about our plans for the 877th time, and takes off when I am trying to calm our screaming two year old child.

So I told him via text message how angry I was.

We never have a day for the four of us to chill and take it easy, and now we are going to "fit" our plans in to his day with his Dad. (He also said that while he is out, he would get some of our shopping done.)

I haven't been this angry since before medication, but I am trying really hard to hold it together.

[Berries]

(((BNLsMOM)))

You are not a big giant *****!!!!

Your anger is justifiable!!!!

I'm sorry you plans didn't go as planned. I hope your family day can be salvaged.

[thinker22]

I agree with Berries. Your expectation wasn't unreasonable.

I could be wrong and I hate labels, but I'd ask your T if your husband might be exhibiting some narcissistic behavior. He sounds like someone I know who is a narcissist. Thinks that no one else's opinion matters and he can make plans even if he walks over other people's feelings because he is the center of his universe. It doesn't matter if this person is doing something "nice" for someone else in the process if he breaks promises to the people closest to him.

You don't ever call a narcissist a narcissist. They'll be offended and won't get it. It just helps those around them to figure out strategies of coping.

Sorry he's doing this.

[mlpHolmes]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I must have said it 876 times. On Friday, after Thanksgiving, we'll have a nice, quiet family day, just the four of us, eating cinnamon rolls, lighting a fire in the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate and putting up the Christmas Tree. No inlaws from either side of the family. Just the four of us.

So what does my husband do?

He makes last minute lunch plans with his dad, gets angry with me when I remind him about our plans for the 877th time, and takes off when I am trying to calm our screaming two year old child.

So I told him via text message how angry I was.

We never have a day for the four of us to chill and take it easy, and now we are going to "fit" our plans in to his day with his Dad. (He also said that while he is out, he would get some of our shopping done.)

I haven't been this angry since before medication, but I am trying really hard to hold it together.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mom, I was kind of forewarned when you began with a missil-like count down 8, 7, 6., lol. The day you planned sounds so lovely. I understand how angry you must be. I'm so sorry the day after Thanksgiving unfolded this way for you.

Much Love,
Holmes

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by mlpHolmes

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mom, I was kind of forewarned when you began with a missil-like count down 8, 7, 6., lol. The day you planned sounds so lovely. I understand how angry you must be. I'm so sorry the day after Thanksgiving unfolded this way for you.

Much Love,
Holmes

That's funny. It was just a random number, but yeah, I guess somehow I was counting down. Either for an angry missle, or counting backwards to calm my anger. Strange how the mind works...

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by thinker22

I agree with Berries. Your expectation wasn't unreasonable.

I could be wrong and I hate labels, but I'd ask your T if your husband might be exhibiting some narcissistic behavior. He sounds like someone I know who is a narcissist. Thinks that no one else's opinion matters and he can make plans even if he walks over other people's feelings because he is the center of his universe. It doesn't matter if this person is doing something "nice" for someone else in the process if he breaks promises to the people closest to him.

You don't ever call a narcissist a narcissist. They'll be offended and won't get it. It just helps those around them to figure out strategies of coping.

Sorry he's doing this.

I think it has more to do with just plain old not listening to me when I talk. That's why I have to say things so many times. It's exhausting.

We have couple's therapy tomorrow, and I plan to bring it up then.

It might be some sort of passive-aggressive thing too. Our T has brought that up gently before to try to get a dialogue going.

My husband always says that he can't help it when he acts selfish because he was an only child, etc. I think that's BS. He and his family have major baggage surrounding control issues and it has something to do with that.

I don't yell as much as his dad does, so I get the short end of the stick.

[1963.Susan]

i agree with every one else - you have every right to be angry and are not overreacting. what did he say when you told him 876 times about your plans? was he in agreement with them? or did he not say anything at all & possibly you just assumed he was going along with it?

i also agree with the possibility of passive-aggressive.

congratulations on not blowing up so far!

susan

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by 1963.Susan

i agree with every one else - you have every right to be angry and are not overreacting. what did he say when you told him 876 times about your plans? was he in agreement with them? or did he not say anything at all & possibly you just assumed he was going along with it?

i also agree with the possibility of passive-aggressive.

congratulations on not blowing up so far!

susan

He has learned to tune me out and answer me at the same time, so he agreed to the plans, but probably never even knwe what I was saying.

Either that, or he assumed that my plans would take an hour and he could fit other stuff in.

We have a lot of work to do on our communication with each other.

[lonegael]

Communication... so rare, so wonderfull. We have a lot to do on that too. I tend to tune out because everyone tends to talk at one, half the time in a foraign language (not for me) and in the case of the youngest, nonsense. So yes, when I read, I tune out. Frustrating for everyone, but the noise sends me otherwise
Hang in there, you weren't wrong to be mad. I think talking about it to the T is a great idea, HUgs dear.

[ilazria]

Nope, you should be upset. That's rather crappy of him. And "can't help it" is no excuse for being selfish. If we can, and are expected to, exercise any measure of control over our behavior, despite it being a chemical problem that can't just be willed away, he can control a pattern of behavior he obviously recognizes he has, that has no chemical impetus.

[perpetuallysad]

That stinks! I know that Thanksgiving is so hard on me as far as stress that I have to have Friday be a do nothing day or I'll lose it anyhow. I'm sorry he didn't understand your desire for some nice family alone time!

So, now that its Saturday, how did the day go? Where you ever able to communicate (and have him hear) how you were feeling? Hugs to you

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

That stinks! I know that Thanksgiving is so hard on me as far as stress that I have to have Friday be a do nothing day or I'll lose it anyhow. I'm sorry he didn't understand your desire for some nice family alone time!

So, now that its Saturday, how did the day go? Where you ever able to communicate (and have him hear) how you were feeling? Hugs to you

Today is the do-over. I decided not to be a big, giant B. The cinnamon rolls are baking and the tree has lights. The ornaments will go up in a little while.

Much better today.

[lonegael]

Well done! ((((((((BNLsMOM)))))))beautifull save! I still think talking to the hubby is in order, but you got your perspective right and still are managing a cool Saturday! Best wishes, and I'll duck out and let your family hang together. HUggs

[Slothrop]

Glad you got your day! SO frustrating when people don't keep their promises, or don't even listen in the first place! I will just say I know the feeling, and leave it at that...