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  #1  
Old Nov 20, 2009, 05:21 PM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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Dear Friends,
I write to inform that I am unwell, but what matter is this? Well, unwell, well. It's so circular. Updates are unreasonable. I feel like my existence is unreasonable. I would like it if you did not fight that battle. They say "it's all in your head," but they can not understand. How could they?
I am not working again. The breakdowns are all very public and rewarding. Builds character.
I am hiding in my apartment trying to occupy my time with three online college classes. Who knew school, which is usually so easy for me, could be so arduous! I am worried someone will find out I'm a phony.
I am worried about myself. I forfeited all my pills and sharps to my boyfriend who has stashed them away somewhere. I feel like an infant. I have lost control. I got scolded by my pdoc for not taking my klonopin regularly. I could've sworn it was as needed. Oh well. I'm trying harder now.
I don't know where all the time goes. I feel rushed to do everything. The world is moving at a quicker pace than I am.
This is where I am. I miss you all. I hope to interact soon.
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- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
Thanks for this!
Anonymous29357, thinker22

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  #2  
Old Nov 20, 2009, 06:56 PM
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thinker22 thinker22 is offline
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I wondered what happened to you. I thought it was either that you were doing so well and your life was full of things to do, etc. or that you might be in the hospital. I guess it's somewhere in between.

Has your p-doc changed your meds since you clearly are not coping well?

Hope this awful spell doesn't last much longer. Thinking of you.
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Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.
-Christopher Hitchens
  #3  
Old Nov 20, 2009, 09:34 PM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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Am I clearly not coping well? I wish I were. He added an antidepressant. Maybe that will clear me of this farseness.
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- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
  #4  
Old Nov 21, 2009, 05:05 AM
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lonegael lonegael is offline
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Good for you aking sure you are safe, hun. Hang in there. Huggs, huggs, huggs.... on and on.
  #5  
Old Nov 21, 2009, 06:13 AM
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phoenix47baby phoenix47baby is offline
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So sorry that you are struggling so. I hope that the college courses are steering you away from issues. Good that you got an antidepressant to help. You will feel better soon. Hang in there.
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Phoenix47
  #6  
Old Nov 22, 2009, 10:53 AM
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Berries Berries is offline
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(((((amaviena)))))

So sorry you aren't doing well. Been wondering where you were. i'm glad your back. Maybe we can help.
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I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF

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  #7  
Old Nov 23, 2009, 06:44 PM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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I'm feeling much better today. Things are looking up.
__________________
- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
  #8  
Old Nov 25, 2009, 10:17 AM
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Berries Berries is offline
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That's great! How are you doing today?
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I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF

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  #9  
Old Nov 25, 2009, 10:24 AM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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Woke up with a headache and a stomach ache. Blame it on not taking pills I'm dependent on last night. I just couldn't stomach the lithium and geodon. It's always a mistake not to take them.
__________________
- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
  #10  
Old Nov 26, 2009, 03:03 PM
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lonegael lonegael is offline
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Hope this clears and you can get onto the business of feeling better. I was glad to hear that things were inproving. get better soon, OK? Huggs!
  #11  
Old Nov 29, 2009, 01:41 AM
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Lauru Lauru is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 898
Good to hear from you again, I was wondering where you were off to.
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV

update 3,956

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
  #12  
Old Nov 29, 2009, 09:17 AM
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Berries Berries is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: in the glitch inside my brain
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How are you doing today, amaviena?
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF

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