[happysad22]

Hi everyone,
I am so glad I found this site. Years ago I was an active member of another well known peer-support site (no names mentioned) and yesterday just when I felt I needed to join again I was devastated to find it shut down.

I am male, 48y.o. and I've battled mental illness for as long as I can remember. My whole life has been a rollercoaster ride. Yes I suffer bipolar in addition to anxiety, ocd and paranoia.

I always thought my "highs" were the norm. Well at least they were much more "enjoyable" than the lows. Looking back though, some of the things I have done whilst on a high could hardly be thought of as "normal". Actually, it's SCARY just to think about.

But the straw that almost broke the camel's back was about 7 years ago when I hit absolute rock bottom - I don't believe it's possible to sink lower. Suicide was high on my agenda - all that stopped me was my wonderful family - i couldn't put them through that no matter how much pain I had to endure.

Though I have been on and off meds since I was about 20, that episode lead to my first real diagnosis of major depression. How wrong they got it. They put me on a hefty dose of citalopram and before I knew it I was off the rails again - as high as a kite and taking major risks, but hey, having a ball.

I told my psychiatrist about the swings but he said you can't be bipolar, bipolar presents much earlier in life, not at 42. Hey, didn't I say that I have suffered with these bl##dy swings all my life !!?? Just coz it wasn't diagnosed doesn't mean it's not.

So he added mood stabilisers (valproate and seroquel) to my cocktail and I have been realtively stable for quite a while. Just recently though I am starting to feel very unstable again but I'm not sure which way I'm headed. I booked in to see him but that not for another week yet....hope I can hold out

Sorry people, didn't mean for this intro to be so long, but be warned I tend to be very wordy

to all,
happysad22

[Fox]

Welcome happysad I'm glad you found us though I'm sorry your other supportive group has disbanded on you. There are quite a few here who share your dx of bi-polar. The unfortunate thing about finding the proper mix of drugs and therapy is your chemical levels change or some meds become ineffective over time. I hope you can hang on until your scheduled time but if things get really out of wack don't be afraid to call the office to see if they can't see you sooner in case of emergency. Good luck and I hope that you find that balance you desperately need

-Fox