[Giabrina]

I was wondering if anyone else has/had this problem and what to do about it.

I got an email from one of the mom's in my son's second grade class. She needed help with getting the kids into their school costumes for a dress rehearsal. Started at 8:15, right after dropping the kids off. I planned to do it, even planned to get up a little bit earlier to get dressed (instead of wearing my normal sweats & sneakers) Anyway, woke up around 7 am still planning to go, as the minutes ticked away got more and more nervous and eventually ended up not going. Now I'm mad at myself because it was an easy thing to do -- yet it was so hard for me to do it. I know I might of had to talk to a few of the other moms and I just was not in the mood. Actually I'm never in the mood to talk to anyone else unless I'm really manic. I'm just not sure what to say.

I've always been labeled as stuck up or a snob -- but in actuality I'm really shy. In college I would walk past a group of girls and hear them say after I passed by: "oh she thinks she's too cute to talk to us". But it was really the other way around, I have the lowest self-esteem of any one out there and I'm just shy. So I have zero friends.

I'm not sure what my point is, or how I hope people respond to this post. But if others can let me know what they think, I'd appreciate it.

[Navygrrl]

I feel like that a lot of the time. I am even like that with my best friend. She wants to hang out and do things, and I just can't bring myself to leave the house. I've never been labeled a snob. Most times people don't think I'm very intelligent because I have trouble speaking to them. I even stutter and stumble, which makes it worse, so it's easier for me just not to talk to people. I don't have any answers, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[BNLsMOM]

Me too. It is so hard for me to go out that I stay in the house unless I absolutely have to go out and then I stress about it until I have to go. I pick my son up from school every day and I hate it when the teacher walks over to my car because I don't want to have to talk. I avoid the other mothers and some of them are my friends. The people who run the school are good friends of my husband and me and I have to fake my way through, sweating the whole time. I stress about it from the moment I get up in the morning until I can get back home and breathe again.

I don't go out to stores anymore and if I can avoid a social situation, I will at almost any cost. The only things I foprce myself to do are holidays and family birthdays.

I am trying to work on this with my T. His office is the only safe place that I go to without a lot of stress.

You aren't alone.

[perpetuallysad]

Same here. I am a complete recluse. I'm also pretty paranoid, so that makes it even harder for me to interact socially. I am sorry you couldn't get up the nerve to go, but don't be too hard on yourself. I wouldn't have been able to do it either!

One day maybe we'll all be better?

[scrambled mother]

Don't worry girl, I don't have any school mother friends either for the exact reason. I will most likely avoid them or let them down and than I'm left feeling like an idiot. So I happalie tie up my faithful sneakers and my gray sweats and drop them off and go about my business. My bipolar life is to busy to constantly compare myself to those that show up in heals and make up. Lol gimme a break.I try to remember I need to devote that time to thinking of my chrilden and I will feel like a better mom for it.

[leah0306]

Im that way too. I have daughter in 1st grade, and really want her to be involved with other kids after school, but im so uncomfortable around the PARENTS. Children im fine with, dont feel they are analizing me. but my being this way makes me feel guilty as a parent, i feel shes missing out because of me, well i dont have any answers, just wanted to share, take care

[Giabrina]

Thanks everyone who responded. It does make me feel better that there are others out there just like me who go through the same thing. Now here is a question for all of you who responded and to others who may be reading this thread.

My 45th birthday party is coming up and you are all invited. Would you come or not? Would it make it easier knowing that other people who feel the same way you do will also be there? We're complete strangers. Would we bond or would we all just sit there not knowing what to say. Or would you just make up an excuse and not come?

This is a hypothetical situation of course.

[perpetuallysad]

I would want to come to be nice and supportive. I may even tell you that I would come, but I wouldn't be able to do it. I would somehow find a way to "get out of it" at the last minute. My social anxiety is just too much. Even knowing there would be people there who felt similar to me I would still feel inferior and would be so self conscious I could not enjoy myself in any way. If somehow, magically, I did make it to the party, I would end up embarrassing myself. I tend to talk about not typical things and I have a hard time stopping once I start talking. I end up like a water faucet of useless information, just spouting off and no way to turn it off. (Of course, this would just further reinforce my social phobia.)

[BNLsMOM]

Honestly, I would want to come but I would dread it for weeks (nothing personal). If I were able to force myself to get there, I might spend a few minutes in the corner surveying the scene and depending on the feeling I have at the time, I might stay or have to excuse myself early. It is different every time. There have been times I force myself to go somewhere and it turns out to be totally fine and I have fun, and other times, I end up feeling panicky and have to either spend a lot of time outside or go home early. By the way, if my husband isn't able to come with me, I mosly likely wouldn't be able to get past my front room.

I have a friend who has gone through a lot of what I have gone through, but I have found a way to blow off our get together twice now because of my anxiety. I have never hung out with her one on one and I can't bring myself to do it, even though I know I need friends.

[Rebound]

The worst, to me, is all the stuff I commit to when I'm manic and then back out of when I'm depressed and anxious.

It seems we have some work to do.

[MyDogMiles]

I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this. It's a roller coaster. I commit to social activities and then get so stressed out that i make myself crazy figuring out a way to cancel out gracefully. I find myself hiding from friends and not calling people back. I find it painful to make small talk, and somethings can't think of anything to say and feel stupid. But other times can be extremely articulate and funny and engaging. But I never know from one day to the next how I'm going to feel. i may have a few good days and make plans then have two weeks of anxiety and depression. This constant roller coaster is debilitating.

[goodgirl62]

I can relate to this. I really regret watching my life pass me by. Mostly the last few years but I did it some when I was younger. I think it was just such low self esteem. If your still getting chances to do things that will make your kids happy and probably you too, keep going. I think if you just push yourself a little bit you might find out that you really enjoyed yourself. I often remind myself that people aren't always looking for my flaws. Next time just ask the person who seems to be in charge how you can help. No one personality is the same. Maybe someone will think your shy and go out of there way to help or say hello. I know my friend, I have been there way too many times. I also passed up some good male catches too. You know I am here for you. PM me.

[lonegael]

You know, I would come. I would deliberately put it out of my mind until that day, and then appear dragging my hubby behind me (if allowed, he's even worse than i am) And I would probably have fun anyway, and still have trouble the next time such an offer comes up. By the way, if the occassion is not hypothetical, Happy Birthday!

[pondbc]

Giabrina, I would definitely come to your party. I would love to talk to meet everyone and chat with them. I would definitely 'bond'. That is all hypothetical, and would play out like that as long as was feeling well. After going, I would be exuberant and thrilled about meeting everyone.
However, if I were not feeling well, just like MyDogMiles, I would start looking for excuses why I could not go. This happened this week, when I was invited to a women's group, and knew some of the people there. I felt like such a loser cancelling. But my body was glad and all the ghastly symptoms of anxiety began to abate.
I am comfortable with strangers, oddly enough, and my people skills are very good.
However, when I am with those that know me and my background, I am very uncomfortable as I feel I am being scrutinized and judged. At house parties, I will get tongue-tied and seek out the family dog or a piano to play. It is absurd to feel this way, but I do.

[Nudyinae]

Originally Posted by Giabrina

I was wondering if anyone else has/had this problem and what to do about it.

I got an email from one of the mom's in my son's second grade class. She needed help with getting the kids into their school costumes for a dress rehearsal. Started at 8:15, right after dropping the kids off. I planned to do it, even planned to get up a little bit earlier to get dressed (instead of wearing my normal sweats & sneakers) Anyway, woke up around 7 am still planning to go, as the minutes ticked away got more and more nervous and eventually ended up not going. Now I'm mad at myself because it was an easy thing to do -- yet it was so hard for me to do it. I know I might of had to talk to a few of the other moms and I just was not in the mood. Actually I'm never in the mood to talk to anyone else unless I'm really manic. I'm just not sure what to say.

I've always been labeled as stuck up or a snob -- but in actuality I'm really shy. In college I would walk past a group of girls and hear them say after I passed by: "oh she thinks she's too cute to talk to us". But it was really the other way around, I have the lowest self-esteem of any one out there and I'm just shy. So I have zero friends.

I'm not sure what my point is, or how I hope people respond to this post. But if others can let me know what they think, I'd appreciate it.

You just described me to a "T". You're not alone. There are days like today I can take on the world and will commit to things and just pray I don't "crash" before I get everything done I commited to do (doesn't usually happen the way I want it to, but one can hope).

[FeelingHopeful]

Giabrina,I would def come! That Would be cool,though i have to be honest,Im having a tough time around big crowds now, , because of my crying these days, so i would have to mentally prepare myself first, but would come to support you.

[leah0306]

oh god i got to feeling panicky at the idea!! so ridiculous, but there, i said it. id want to go, maybe show up if im feeling ambitious take care