Living in constant regret

I just wrote this whole great post & it logged me out for inactivity & it got deleted. The second time around is never as good

Its hard for me to get over, I'm really mad about it

I am always making impulsive decisions I regret later. It can be as simple as an email or as serious as moving to another state.

I'll send an email & I think I totally am on the right track. I've got it. Like I sent an email to my HR department today complaining about our insurance. But I regret it only moments later, thinking I'm coming across to strong or complaining too much.

I moved to Washington from Southern California in 2005. I had a great job just streets away from my Santa Monica apartment. My Dad died, my Dad was my parent. I grew up with him not my Mom. I was separated from my 2 sibilings & chose to live with my Dad at 11 years old. My Dad was bipolar too, but he didn't know it. He never got treatment its only as an adult I can look back at him & see many signs. This was & still is the only person I've known to die. I knew a man here in WA that I liked & he was there for me after my Dad's death. I fell in love with him & moved here. A house & a baby later, I want to move home. I can't live in a constant state of winter especially with bipolar.

I don't know how to be content. I thought I was unhappy in LA but now I look back & I'm like OMG I Was so happy. Now I'm here & I'm unhappy but I'm even afraid if I got my way & we move to LA what if I am unhappy any way? I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want & my relationship is suffering. Were looking into counseling but I wanted to see what you all have to say about impulsive decisions & regret.

I am sorry to hear things aren't going so well. Impulsivity is an issue for me and I definitely have regrets to go with it too. Individual counseling has really helped me with this; have you considered this not just couples? I know it's been hard on my relationships, personal and professional, too though but the therapy has helped there as well.

I hope things look up soon.

Thanks Fresia, I have been in a lot of individual therapy & I have been since November here. Pretty much I've only been in individual therapy for the past 11 years. But no one can stop my impulsivity. I have a saying, sleep on it & see how you feel tomorrow. I say it but practicing it is my struggle.

Impulsivity is synonimous with hypmania/mania - are your medications keeping your moods in check?
Is there any way you can set your e-mail up to only send when you press the send/receive button? Or save the mails in drafts, even if only for 1 hour, after which you can re-read them and decide what you think

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Impulsivity is a big problem for me as well. My therapist has given me several tools to help me as well, but I agree with you, practicing them is a different story. I like the idea about saving emails in a draft. I have gotten into trouble with email more than once! I am glad that you are looking into working on your relationship. My husband and I have gone to marriage counseling and it has helped. Is moving even a possiblilty? Have you ever looked into light therapy? I know it is hard to be content. Try to look at the positives in your life and focus on those. I know that is easier said than done when you are in a tough place.

I tried to think some more on this and the things that have helped me with impulsivity.

Some of my email programs have a time delay before messages actually go out which has helped or I save them in drafts first, as someone recommended, and wait until later in the day or the next.

Anything I am worked up over, I definitely HAVE to wait until I can calm down before responding. Because I know I NEVER make wise decisions when worked up, angry or upset, I have found I can always say, "I need to think about this" or "I need to get back to you about .." and if you can give a time when to get back to them or to talk again, they appreciate it; they know you ARE going to think about it. 90% of the time and this works just fine. Very rarely does it need to be decided on in the moment. It has saved me and my personal and professional relationships more times than I can count. I feel better too b/c I have had a chance to calm down and consider it, making a better decision than one I might regret.

The one issue I have no answer on is impulsive shopping. I keep a small pad to list things to go back to, to try to wait it out but this only works some of the time. I'm not good about impulse shopping/purchases.

I struggle with being impulsive too and it is a constant battle. I don't know if these things might help but someone said, when I actually practice them, they help me.

I have a big problem with Impulsivity. I will do things and afterward I'm like Why did I do that?!? It makes me feel so bad and I try to explain it to my husband and he just doesn't get it. It's so frusterating!

Oh yeah, impulsivity, check. Problem is, most of the time when it's happening, it doesn't *feel* impulsive. Doesn't even occur. It was a long time before I was officially dx'd, but looking back.... yikes. Being more aware of the tendency now does help some. *And* I'm staying away from Ebay. Special-K, hear ya on the moving thing. Have done that a LOT. The most ridiculous was the day I said, "Let's sell the house and move to **". Mind you, it was a place 2,000 miles away that we'd never even visited. Did it too.

Fresia, that's a good point. I have to wait to respond if I'm worked up, or .
I'm good with that in emailing and such, but face to face? Or with some big company that sends a bill with a wrongful charge? (Just happened yesterday, as it happens). Hoo boy. My phone phobia goes right out the window and it's off to the races...

The biggest regret ones though have been the major moves. And getting married, though I can't honestly say if it was impulsive or not, it was so long ago (since have divorced). Having a kid. Yeah, I know that's taboo to say, and I do love him. Truly. But... I didn't think it through. Not at all. And it dredged up all that was wrong with my own childhood, which I was totally unprepared for. It was a very very hard lesson to learn.

Working meds have definitely helped me to at least sometimes step back a little to think things through. Yea!

OMG This happened to me too!!! I thought I was so done with all of that. Man it is refresing to come in here & feel not all alone.

Fresia thanks for the super email ideas. I do try to practice the waiting thing out but Innerzone said when I write up the email & hit send, it doesn't feel impulsive. I will try to really think about where I'm coming from first though, if I'm passionate about it, upset, or intense I might want to wait a while before sending. Good ideas here.

I also have a problem with this. I actually picked myself up from florida to move to Washington state, like you. I moved on a whim. I met a guy when I was in the Air Force and fell madly in love and we moved there when he got out. I moved to Puyallup. I can honestly say I love washington, but like you, I hated the weather. I have no advice for you, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I still haven't found any tools that work for me just yet!

Thanks for all the great ideas
I agree with Special-K, at the time it so does not seem impulsive
If its a big decision, I generally ask advice from my hubby, or a close friend who knows what I'm like! I have great friends I can trust to give me good advice, taking the advice is the hard part.